u/kwicherbichin

My wife passed away two months ago. She was in her illness for a couple of years and also had a stroke which left her disabled. We have two young kids.

I try not to consume too much grief content because I still have responsibilities and am trying to figure out what my life looks like now without someone else influencing that. I didn’t know anything about widow’s fire until I tried to figure out why I felt this way.

There are varying opinions on the subject and I get it. Everyone has different experiences.

After my wife fell ill, our relationship changed. I became her caregiver instead of an intimate partner. It’s been that way for a couple of years.

After she passed, I can’t turn off this overwhelming desire for affection. I am not interested in a relationship at all and don’t think I am anywhere near ready for something like that. But I want to roll around in the sheets and (sorry for being explicit) have my head between a woman’s thighs.

I’ve seen everything from this is because of insecurity, wanting to be desired, to just having urges that can’t be satisfied.

I’m curious how other widows/widowers have experienced this? I’m 45 if that’s useful information.

I was prescribed bupropion a little over six weeks ago (American, manufacturer unknown) after my wife passed away. After almost three years of caregiving for a wife that had terminal cancer, was disabled after two strokes, and was steadily declining it is safe to say I was depressed. I also have two small children and was working a full time job while maintaining the household.

I started the medication and instantly felt things, and not in a good way. I was always on alert before my wife’s passing (possible falls, seizures, kids being sick, etc.) that I started having panic attacks in the middle of the night. After taking the first pill, I felt like I was having a panic attack almost two hours later. I also had awful insomnia that started near the end of my wife’s life, but I couldn’t sleep for longer than two hours on this drug. I was told to stick with it for a few weeks.

I was prescribed 300mg, but was told to take two 150mgxl at different times, which I have since discovered is unusual.

I would drink a few beers often. I had a day out of work and decided to grab an early lunch with a couple of beers. A little while later I then went to the supermarket to pick up my other prescription (Lexapro) and to pick up some groceries for dinner that the kids had requested.

As I am standing in a cooler aisle looking at the cheese I started to feel lightheaded. I figured it was something I could shake off but it started to get more intense. I started walking around in a circle trying to shake it off but then started to feel like I was losing control. I crouched on the floor next to the cooler holding my head and someone who was stocking nearby started asking if I was ok. I looked up at him but my eyes were darting back and forth quickly and everything sounded muffled.

The next thing I knew I was staring up at 5 EMTs who were asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to. What my name was. Where I lived.

I started to be able to recall information in the ambulance in pieces and while I was in the ER over the course of the next eight hours. I had CT scans, EKGs, blood panels, toxicology, etc. they found nothing. The alcohol wasn’t even in my system when I got to the ER.

Their explanation was trauma over my wife’s death + insomnia + stress + alcohol + bupropion all lowered my threshold to the point that I had a seizure. I was told to stop taking it.

I know this works wonders for other folks, but it doesn’t work for me.

I’m not sure why this one got to me. Lost my wife a little over a month ago. I’ve raised my young children through her sickness, disability, and ultimately death.

When I talk about this with casual acquaintances they ask if I have help and how I am taking care of our children.

I’ve been taking care of our children solely for years. I don’t have help. But the assumption I can’t (or haven’t been) caring for them is so frustrating.

I’m grieving my wife and my partner, and finding out that I’m not recognized as a parent.

It’s been a long hard road. My wife of 10 years lost her battle with metastatic cancer. It was a tough road for last 2.5 years. Cancer, stroke, seizures, heart failure. After the stroke she was disabled on her left side. I’ve spent the last two years working full time, raising our two children (4 and 7 now), and being a caregiver for my wife.

I’ve been doing everything solo for my kids for years, but this still feels harder. Even though she wasn’t able to help, she was still my support system and my partner.

This morning I took our children to breakfast for Father’s Day and it was lovely. But it was hard to see all the other tables with both parents there.

Happy Father’s Day gents, and if you have an amazing wife like I did make sure she knows it.