u/larachaes

both of my parents are in their 50s, my mom is currently 54 and my dad is 50. they split when i was 2, so for as long as i can remember i'd always do the "weekends at dad's" bs. when i was 4, my dad met my stepmom, who we'll call mindy, and she's been there ever since.

mindy always fell under the "evil stepmother" trope, she mistreated the hell out of me, took my traumas and struggles and said i was lying or being overdramatic, and my dad wasn't any better. he always chose her kids over me and my brother, always pinned the blame on us instead of her kids when they'd do something, spoils them and gives them everything while my brother and i only get child support, and so on. my whole life i've always wondered why he went for somebody so cruel, and yesterday we went out for father's day with my stepsister and she pointed out that mindy was currently 35. i have dyscalculia so i couldn't do the math until i got home and googled it, but that meant she was 19 when they met, and he was 34. i guess i never really knew mindy's age, but in that moment i realized that she was immature and didn't know how to deal with my brother and i (for context, both my brother and i have serious mental health issues and both have been hospitalized on multiple occasions.) and our problems. her lashing out might've not been intentionally malicious, she just didn't realize that we weren't "normal" kids.

what really struck me wasn't her age, but his. i don't want to sound crazy but that's almost predatory. he brought home a 19 year old young mother (she had my stepbrother at 18) and got married only a few months after. i have a nagging feeling that he left my mother for somebody incredibly younger, and clearly he wanted someone younger if he went for a 19 year old. it was the 2000s, so maybe it was more normalized at the time? either way i do love my father and i don't want to view him as a weirdo but mindy was vulnerable and young, he already had 2 kids and a steady job and a house and money.

i can't imagine what it did to my mother when she found out, she had me when she was older (she has pcos so it was VERY difficult for her to have kids, my brother is my half brother and has a different mom so i'm my mother's only biological child), and it must've hurt her so bad that my dad went for somebody nearly 20 years younger than her.

i don't know what to think or how to process this. it's all i can think about and it just makes me want to cry. any advice?