naraka and religious ocd. not looking for reassurance, but rather guidance
hello everyone, i would like to start by saying that i’m not asking for psychological advice, as this would definitely not be the place to do it. instead i am looking for guidance, if anyone has experienced what i’m experiencing currently, and how they’ve overcome it.
i grew up christian, until i turned 17 and went agnostic. what drove me away from christianity was the fear mongering associated with the concept of hell and eternal damnation. it scared me. hell made religion something i did not enjoy, but i instead stuck with out of fear, from as young as 6yrs old. this affected me a good bit.
when i left christianity, i realized that i was experiencing some form of religious ocd. i would ruminate on the thought of myself going to hell, and to counteract it, i would give myself a task (think, “if i snap my fingers on both hands in a certain pattern, then i won’t go to hell” type of task). it was really debilitating, and when i left christianity, that weight immediately lifted itself off of my chest.
so i have been agnostic for quite some time, however i’ve experienced interest in studying hinduism in the past few months, and i’ve been slowly trying to “assimilate” myself into the way of life. giving up beef has been hard as a very picky eater in the u.s. lol, but i’ve been trying. i’ve been finding myself more “at peace” than i ever was with christianity, as hinduism actually does line up closer with my morals and values, and i feel a sense of purpose that i’ve never felt before! things make more sense now.
however… my problem lies with this. i recently learned about naraka. and ik it’s definitely silly to think this, especially bc it is not similar to the western ideal of hell, but i can feel my anxieties about afterlife and punishment rise when i think about it. i haven’t fallen back into old habits as far as my religious ocd ruminations go, but i do worry about it getting bad again.
so to make a long story short, my questions are as follows: is naraka something that you personally are scared of? is it because of ocd or something similar? what has helped you personally in overcoming that fear?
TL;DR: due to christian upbringing, i experienced religious ocd; i am extremely interested in living the hindu way of life, but the thought of naraka scares me as the christian hell once did. has anyone else ever felt this way, and how did you personally get over it?