u/lavindas

I’m actually doing fine, but just wanted to get this off my chest and share in case anyone is going through something similar and struggling. Currently 14 weeks. (I’m typing on my phone, so apols if the formatting or structure is weird).

Following an early miscarriage, I found out I (34F) was pregnant again immediately after. I was surprised, but told my partner (31M) and was excited about it. He said nothing at all, so I assumed he was just processing it like men do.

We went on holiday to Paris when I was around 7 weeks, and it was during the horrendous 41C heatwave (around 106F for the Americans). I REALLY struggled at some points on the holiday with the heat and feeling sick and tired, but did my best not to complain. At one point though, I asked him if we could please get an Uber somewhere rather than walk, and he shouted at me and said “I just don’t get why you can’t be resilient?!” He then didn’t speak to me for the next couple of hours. Honestly, zero empathy.

We got home, things were kinda normal, but then out of the blue he texted me to say he didn’t want a child and wanted to break up with me if I had it. He said he wouldn’t ever pay me child support, and if I tried to escalate it through CMS (Child Maintenance Service in the UK), he would kill himself. I told him that I’d see what my options were for a termination, but I was sure I was at least 9 weeks at this point and didn’t want to go through surgery. I also didn’t want a termination at all.

I ended up going to a clinic (alone ofc) and was dated at further along in the pregnancy than expected, so firmly decided not to consider a termination.

He didn’t speak to me for a week, but then came to visit and love bombed me. He said he was in love with me and obsessed with me. It was actually really bizarre and I found it deeply unnerving, but I guess I was grateful that he’d seemingly come around? This love bomb phase lasted for another couple of weeks.

A few days later, I told him that I was going to the first official scan instead, and did he want to come? He said no. I went alone, pretty upset.

He didn’t ask me how the scan went, or give any indication that he cares about me whatsoever. He instead texted me the next day, asking me if I was still taking him to a Shakespeare show we were originally going to see.

I didn’t respond because I was so done with his behaviour. He didn’t message again, so I’ve not heard from him in nearly 2 weeks now.

I’m just gobsmacked really that my long term partner, who’s supposed to love and care about me, could treat me like this. I have just seen a completely different person in him.

Luckily I am financially successful and own my own house (he previously tried to make me sell my house and buy a bigger one, that he could move into but pay nothing towards - but that’s another story!). We’re not married so I have no legal ties to him.

He’s an absolute deadbeat, and the red flags that were under the surface before have truly emerged. I think I’ve probably had a lucky escape!

On the positive side, I’ve been keeping myself excited and distracted by decorating my spare room to turn into a nursery.