u/lazishot

Salam alaykum everyone,

A couple months ago, the girl I love and I made the incredibly difficult decision to completely stop talking. We were talking behind our families' backs, and we both realised that it simply wasn’t right and was haram.

We came to an eventual mutual agreement to go completely silent; meaning we removed each other off all socials and platforms, leaving us at a completely neutral state, and trust each other that when the time is right, we’ll find our way back to each other the right way. The problem is, the emotional weight and the pressure are entirely on me now. As the man, I know I’m the one who eventually has to walk up to her parents’ door and ask for her hand.

But the truth is, I’m nowhere near ready. I'm young, I'm currently a university student working 3 jobs, and I feel like I'm not good enough yet in my native language, my culture, or my knowledge of the religion. I want to build these things up desperately not just for her, but for myself as a Muslim man.

To make things even harder, her birthday is coming up in the next couple of days. The urge to find a loophole like liking an old message just so a notification pops up on her phone without technically texting her is driving me crazy. I want to respect her peace and honor our promise, but sitting here counting down the days while knowing exactly how much I love her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m torn between wanting to protect our boundaries and being terrified that if I stay completely silent, she’ll think I don't care anymore.

Because we are in total silence, my anxiety is through the roof. Every time she updates her social media (yes, I very embarrassingly still check her socials), my mind spirals into overthinking, and I'm terrified that because I'm not ready yet, another guy who is ready will come along and ask for her, even though she made a very sincere promise to me that she’d wait for me even if it took years. I also should have mentioned earlier that she was the person who originally came up with the idea of us going no contact as she knew it was much better that way if we really wanted to get married.

The urge to break the silence just to let her know I still care is constant and exhausting. But at the same time, I don’t know if she still loves me and is also still waiting for me, because what if she realised life was so much better without me, to the point where she doesn’t even want me anymore?

I want to use this time as a training ground to become the man I need to be, but right now, the fear of losing her and the pressure of the future are paralyzing me.

I love this girl deeply, but I need to learn how to put that love into working on myself instead of letting it tear me apart while I wait. Any advice or brotherhood would be appreciated.

Salam alaykum,

A few months ago, the girl I love and I made the incredibly difficult decision to completely stop talking. We were interacting behind our families' backs, and we both realised it wasn’t right and lacked barakah. It was actually her idea to go completely no-contact because she knew it was the only way if we truly wanted a future together. We came to a mutual agreement to go completely silent, removing each other from all socials to leave a blank slate, trusting that when the time is right, we’ll find our way back to each other the halal way. She even made a sincere promise to wait for me, even if it takes years.

The problem is, the emotional weight and pressure are entirely on me now. As a man, I know I’m the one who eventually has to walk up to her parents’ door, but the truth is, I’m nowhere near ready. I am young, balancing a demanding university schedule, and working three jobs to build myself from scratch. On top of that, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough yet in my native language, my culture, or my depth of Islamic knowledge. I want to build these things desperately, not just for her, but for myself as a Muslim man.

Because we are in total silence, my mind constantly spirals into overthinking. Every time she updates her social media, which I embarrassingly still check, my anxiety goes through the roof. Her birthday just passed a couple of days ago, and the urge to find a digital loophole, like liking an old message just so a notification would pop up on her phone without technically texting her, nearly drove me crazy. I managed to hold the line and protect her peace, but sitting in total silence while knowing how much I love her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I’m terrified that because I'm not ready yet, another guy who is ready will come along and ask for her hand. Even worse, the loneliness tricks me into thinking that maybe she realised life is better without me, or that she doesn't even want me anymore. I want to use this time as a training ground to become the man I need to be, but right now, the fear of losing her and the pressure of the future are paralysing me. I love this girl deeply, but I need to learn how to pour that love into working on myself instead of letting it tear me apart while I wait.

Has anyone here ever been through this exact situation where you went completely no-contact for the sake of Allah? Did it actually work out for you in the end, and how did you survive the wait without losing your mind? Any advice, spiritual reminders, or brotherhood would be deeply appreciated.

Salam alaykum everyone,

A couple months ago, the girl I love and I made the incredibly difficult decision to completely stop talking. We were talking behind our families' backs, and we both realised that it simply wasn’t right and was haram.

We came to an eventual mutual agreement to go completely silent; meaning we removed each other off all socials and platforms, leaving us at a completely neutral state, and trust each other that when the time is right, we’ll find our way back to each other the right way. The problem is, the emotional weight and the pressure are entirely on me now. As the man, I know I’m the one who eventually has to walk up to her parents’ door and ask for her hand.

But the truth is, I’m nowhere near ready. I'm young, I'm currently a university student working 3 jobs, and I feel like I'm not good enough yet in my native language, my culture, or my knowledge of the religion. I want to build these things up desperately not just for her, but for myself as a Muslim man.

To make things even harder, her birthday is coming up in the next couple of days. The urge to find a loophole like liking an old message just so a notification pops up on her phone without technically texting her is driving me crazy. I want to respect her peace and honor our promise, but sitting here counting down the days while knowing exactly how much I love her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m torn between wanting to protect our boundaries and being terrified that if I stay completely silent, she’ll think I don't care anymore.

Because we are in total silence, my anxiety is through the roof. Every time she updates her social media (yes, I very embarrassingly still check her socials), my mind spirals into overthinking, and I'm terrified that because I'm not ready yet, another guy who is ready will come along and ask for her, even though she made a very sincere promise to me that she’d wait for me even if it took years. I also should have mentioned earlier that she was the person who originally came up with the idea of us going no contact as she knew it was much better that way if we really wanted to get married.

The urge to break the silence just to let her know I still care is constant and exhausting. But at the same time, I don’t know if she still loves me and is also still waiting for me, because what if she realised life was so much better without me, to the point where she doesn’t even want me anymore?

I want to use this time as a training ground to become the man I need to be, but right now, the fear of losing her and the pressure of the future are paralyzing me.

I love this girl deeply, but I need to learn how to put that love into working on myself instead of letting it tear me apart while I wait. Any advice or brotherhood would be appreciated.

Salam alaykum everyone,

A couple months ago, the girl I love and I made the incredibly difficult decision to completely stop talking. We were talking behind our families' backs, and we both realised that it simply wasn’t right and was haram.

We came to an eventual mutual agreement to go completely silent; meaning we removed each other off all socials and platforms, leaving us at a completely neutral state, and trust each other that when the time is right, we’ll find our way back to each other the right way. The problem is, the emotional weight and the pressure are entirely on me now. As the man, I know I’m the one who eventually has to walk up to her parents’ door and ask for her hand.

But the truth is, I’m nowhere near ready. I'm young, I'm currently a university student working 3 jobs, and I feel like I'm not good enough yet in my native language, my culture, or my knowledge of the religion. I want to build these things up desperately not just for her, but for myself as a Muslim man.

To make things even harder, her birthday is coming up in the next couple of days. The urge to find a loophole like liking an old message just so a notification pops up on her phone without technically texting her is driving me crazy. I want to respect her peace and honor our promise, but sitting here counting down the days while knowing exactly how much I love her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m torn between wanting to protect our boundaries and being terrified that if I stay completely silent, she’ll think I don't care anymore.

Because we are in total silence, my anxiety is through the roof. Every time she updates her social media (yes, I very embarrassingly still check her socials), my mind spirals into overthinking, and I'm terrified that because I'm not ready yet, another guy who is ready will come along and ask for her, even though she made a very sincere promise to me that she’d wait for me even if it took years. I also should have mentioned earlier that she was the person who originally came up with the idea of us going no contact as she knew it was much better that way if we really wanted to get married.

The urge to break the silence just to let her know I still care is constant and exhausting. But at the same time, I don’t know if she still loves me and is also still waiting for me, because what if she realised life was so much better without me, to the point where she doesn’t even want me anymore?

I want to use this time as a training ground to become the man I need to be, but right now, the fear of losing her and the pressure of the future are paralyzing me.

I love this girl deeply, but I need to learn how to put that love into working on myself instead of letting it tear me apart while I wait. Any advice or brotherhood would be appreciated.