u/legendarywomen16

So, I had recently gone for my annual health checkup and during my ECG process, the technician asked me whether I am married (I am married) and that I don’t look like 31 at all. Then she proceeds to ask me if I have a kid and I said no. The nerve the lady had to say that- “oh that’s why your figure is maintained otherwise it will get ruined soon after having a kid”. Clearly she was jealous (and heavily pregnant as well) that my figure “didn’t” seem like that of a 31 year old woman. While doing my ECG, she kept on pestering with question- “Why haven’t you have had kids yet?”, “Do it fast”, “It becomes very difficult”, “As a women the only purpose is to have kids”. I really wanted to shut her off but since she was pregnant, I couldn’t bear myself to be reply to her and just kept smiling and ignoring her questions.

My question to child free women, what would have you done in this case? I was really annoyed but since it was just 5 mins procedure and she was pregnant, I let it go but mind is so fixated on why do some women think they have the right to talk to other women like this? Already I had to deal a lot on this from my MIL and I have taken this big decision to be child free (because I am not mentally capable of bringing a child to this world especially when both my husband and I had toxic childhoods and I believe we are both toxic as people too).

TDLR: should I wait to get divorced once I start my second master’s degree or file now depending on my current circumstances?

Hello everyone!

I wanted to check with you guys for some suggestions regarding the divorce timeline, especially if someone has been in my place. I am 31F, and I had started applying to courses abroad, especially to Australia and NZ (I was hopeful for a job change, but after 6 months of trying - no luck, and hence decided to switch to a degree course instead). Anyway, I have an admit from a university in Auckland, NZ, and I am really considering opting for it (my primary reasons to opt for abroad opportunities were a good standard of living, better work-life balance, and obviously varied experiences that I wanted since I was 21, but being extremely scared, I couldn’t take the plunge).

Now coming to the divorce part, I have been married for the last few years, where I was manipulated by this guy who showed a lot of promises and love, and he was barely doing a job, and I still jumped into it (mind you, I was earning around 1.5 lacs, and I am almost close to 2 lacs now). This is something I blame myself for not having thought through, even after my parents indirectly told me to think it through, but they eventually accepted this union, and we got married. Long story short, I had to change cities for him because his father was terminally ill, and with all the tensions and pressure at home, my office performance tanked a lot, but thank God I was never under fire. Even though things are a bit normal now, I feel the part of the region I live in is causing a huge toll on me, and I am always falling sick or having some health issues all the time (I had a very bad bout of acne that I never had in my life and severe panic attacks for having gone through something I was forced to sign up for).

I still did it because that’s what partners are supposed to do, and of course, like any human being, I expected to be treated the same in return, but I have never been so wrong. Along with mental torture by him and his mother, emotional abuse by my husband when I tried to oppose/reason/yell was getting out of hand. He also fought and hurled abuses at me in front of my parents and left home in the middle of the night when my parents were visiting for only 3 days (by abuses, I mean the really bad ones). Still, like fools, my parents and I forgave him. Even though it was 2 years ago, I sometimes bring up how he misbehaved, and he keeps blaming me, saying that I can’t move past the incident (I mean, should anyone even move past that at all?).

Anyway, I felt he was improving a bit, but the thought of living with him in this region with his weirdly suffocating, controlling mother made me rethink my future and how I will feel regretful if I didn’t pursue my passion of working/living abroad, and then I got this admit. I told my husband, and for some reason, he’s okay with me pursuing it. I know from the bottom of my heart that I want to divorce, but he suggested waiting till next year, and then if I still feel like it, I can go ahead and file for divorce (February 2027 is when the course begins). Honestly, this seemed like a better idea because it would make things easier, with no parents influencing and me being out of the country for a while.

But recently, his behaviour has again gotten worse; for instance, in the middle of a fight, he kicked me in my chest. I let it rest because I pushed him too, and I felt we were even.

Now, as I type this, I had a 103 fever and was feeling really unwell, with terrible shivers, and I called him (he was away at a conference on a Saturday) to tell him that I was not feeling well enough to be alone at home, and he came back yelling that I am destroying his career by making a huge fuss. Now I am seriously confused - should I wait or file for it now? Because filing now will result in months of stress before my departure for NZ, and I don’t want it to affect my office work because I intend to save more before I leave.

Oh, and my parents won’t allow me to stay with them because my mom has been very clear that since I married out of my choice, I should be responsible for myself and not go crying to them. So them being an option as a fallback for a few months is out of the question.