r/IndianWomen

Saw this clip on a TV debate show between DILs and MILs, where one of the DIL's commented " My husband and I are trying to budget and plan for what car or what house to buy or save up for, but my MIL keeps travelling with her friends to temples and not taking care of the grandchildren... This is the age when she should be at home taking care of her grandchildren, why is she travelling and enjoying her life?"

And the MIL responds with "We've raised our kids, we've married them off, now I'm travelling and minding my own business. Why would I raise another set of kids, I've raised mine and I'm done."

As someone who's seen more than her fair share of "You don't have kids so you're happy while we are miserable" type comments, this was interesting. Even people who've had kids and finished raising them are receiving this kind of comments..

So I 22F and my partner 22M are going to get intimate for the first time. A week later we'll be losing our virginity to each other. I think I fucked up by saying yes to it, to put it in context I've been really chubby my whole life all thanks to PCOD (diagnosed late) and an eating disorder.

In all of my excitement i forgot my inner thighs, private parts and underarms are super dark and dry, not dirty, just dark. He's a very sweet man and loves me (i think). His idea of sex might've come from porn and when he sees my body I'm scared he'll be traumatized or throw up idk something like that. The worst part? He's travelling from another city to see me and is really looking forward to the sex thing. The man is blunt, I'm scared he'll end up saying something that ruins my self-esteem for good. Like atp i don't even want sex because nothing is better than something terrible.

I don't know how to even bring it up without sounding demeaning towards myself. I feel so disgusting. I don't know what to do, I'm at my wit's end. Help!!

I’m 5 weeks pregnant with our first child. My husband and I are moving to another city in a month because he got a new job.

My MIL has always had major control issues, but her behavior lately has been completely unhinged. As soon as my husband told her about the new job, she started calling and scolding him, crying that we are "moving away just to avoid living with them." The absurd part? We already live separately in our own home! But to her, moving to a different city means completely losing her grip on us.

Yesterday, my in-laws came over. We established a firm boundary that when the baby arrives, my own mother will be staying with us to help me during early postpartum recovery. My husband explicitly backed me up in front of her, telling her, "She's the one giving birth, so of course she needs her mom." She tried pushing back, but we held firm.
Fast forward to this morning: the exact minute my husband stepped out to go to the gym, my MIL called my phone privately. She immediately launched into a calculated, passive-aggressive guilt trip:
"You said no to me coming for delivery. I am the boy's mother, how can you say no to me?"
"I know you don't like me, I can tell by how you keep distance."
Demanded I validate her feelings and confirm she was "right" for calling me to complain.
Subtly threatened me by saying if my FIL hadn't walked into the room yesterday, "who knows where she would have taken the conversation."
I didn't take the bait. I held my ground, kept my answers completely neutral, and refused to break my boundaries or apologize. When she kept pushing, I told her I couldn't engage with this conversation and hung up.

I am physically drained, dealing with early pregnancy acidity/anxiety, and furious that she waited for my husband to leave just to ambush me. My husband is ready to call her and confront her, but I am just so exhausted by the constant drama and manipulation.
How do I survive this , and how do I enforce strict low-contact so she never gets direct access to stress me out during this pregnancy again?

This isn’t the first time she is doing something like this. She has a habit of turning events for others into a shitshow for others. Which was the primary reason of me not involving her during my delivery.
At our wedding also she created a big ruckus over nothing, Insulted my family members most of which don’t even talk to me till now
She manipulated my husband for years till he finally saw it for himself when the manipulation was at its limit
I feel so trapped and scared
I have demanded that I go no contact with his side of family coz this drama will never end

I (f32) have been married for 4 years. I donot stay with my inlaws coz we live in anotherr country. My inlaws are visiting us for 2 months and me any my husband hosted a get-together at our home for around 14 people. I cooked quite a few things: puri, kheer, cabbage kofta, chicken gravy, chana dal and pulao. My husband also made palak paneer. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the food, and honestly, even I was pleasantly surprised by how good the chicken gravy turned out. But my MIL didn’t say anything about the food or the effort I had put in. She just said 2 things: “Everyone liked the kofta” and “There were so many things to eat.”

I genuinely cannot remember a single time when she has complimented my cooking or acknowledged the effort I put into hosting/cooking. I’m curious about the psychology behind this. Why do people do this? What is the thought process?

My husband had once made khichdi and she complimented that the khichdi was very tasty. So it means she is capable of saying good things. For those who have experienced something similar with their MILs (or even other family members), what do you think is going on psychologically?

I am sharing this because I want to lessen the burden on my heart. I (17F) was talking to a guy (18M) I met on Reddit. We are both from the same city, so we got along well. We used to talk about our daily lives, but after a few days, the conversation took a turn. We started exchanging pics and then he started asking for nudes. Idk why I gave in, I sent him photos while hiding my face, though after a few minutes, I would unsend them.​He acted all lovey-dovey, like he cared about me, asking about my health and studies. Then, a few days ago, he was acting way differently and suddenly said "you have to be blocked" Tho he didn't block me but stopped messaging me. After this I checked his Reddit account and found out that while he was talking to me, he was also asking older women to talk to him and offering to satisfy them and also was lying to me abouteverything.

I made this same mistake back in 2023. At that time, my mother caught me and taught me a lesson about it. Now, I feel like I've made a grave mistake all over again, though this time I realized it and stopped it by myself.

​The hardest part is that even while I was sending the pictures and feeling guilty, I still did it. Now, I feel like what I did will make others question my character or judge me. This is eating me alive. Sometimes I also feel like, in some way, I betrayed my future partner and that I failed my parents again.

I know I shouldn't have talked to him and sent him all those pics. Now I think about the convo now i realized that all along he was giving me subtle hints that he was fooling me around. Now I can't focus on my studies due to all this.

I just wanted to let this out as this thing is eating me out from inside.

Hey so firstly, I am so sorry for intruding into your space! I am Korean American, but I am posting here because I genuinely kinda needed advice and perspective from women who might understand my husband’s background better than I do. I have Indian friends here, but they are very Americanized, so I wanted to get an opinion from people from india india. Sorry if this is an intrusion!

For context, my husband and I met back when we were students through a mutual friend at church. We ended up working together, became close friends, and started dating. To be honest, when I first met him, I assumed he was Filipino based on his looks and name. As I got to know him, I became really interested in his culture and never expected India to have Southeast Asian looking people. Leaving that aside, he was the absolute sweetest guy. He used to bring me breakfast in bed every day, acted like a complete gentleman, and always looked out for me. Eventually, our parents met, hit it off, and pushed for us to get married. We tied the knot 6 months ago.

The problem started right after the wedding, and it is completely consuming me. We have never slept together.

When we were dating, we did not have intimacy because of our religious values. But after the wedding, when we were finally supposed to share a bed, he was hesitant and went to sleep on the sofa instead. I did not push it at first. Before marriage, we clearly discussed kids. I am an only child and always felt lonely, so I explicitly said I want at least two children so they can have siblings. He agreed and knew this completely.

Then he started making excuses, saying it was culturally hard for him to sleep together. I was so confused. He has plenty of female friends, knows how to interact with women, and was always affectionate with me. On our honeymoon in the Caribbean, I tried to initiate things. Right as we were about to be intimate, he suddenly got nauseous and threw up. He got sick, so of course, I backed off. Now, we technically lie on the same bed, but he sleeps on the absolute far edge away from me. I feel completely unloved and rejected as a wife.

To make matters worse, we are both doctors. He works in the ER, so his hours are crazy. He constantly uses his late shifts as an excuse to sleep on the sofa, even on weekends. Both sets of our parents are now constantly asking about grandchildren. When they ask, he just smiles and spews random medical jargon to deflect, which is complete nonsense.

When I finally confronted him, he dropped a bomb on me. He said he is against intimacy and wants us to have kids through IVF instead. He even suggested I might prefer a surrogacy. I was shocked because he never asked me once before all of this. He even made a comment that with IVF, we could pick and choose characteristics for our kid. I was furious. It feels like he wants our children to be a lab experiment??? thats like so sick and dystopic

On top of that, he suddenly announced he does not want to raise kids in the US because he thinks American kids turn out dumb. He proposed moving to South Korea or India. I told him absolutely not to Korea. I grew up there until middle school and was brutally bullied as a child just because of the type of apartment my family lived in. A mixed child would face so much prejudice.

So then he said we should go to India instead. He revealed he is already preparing for an Indian medical licensing exam and wants us to move to New Delhi, raise the kids there, and maybe come back when our future kids are in high school. He claims we can try having children if we move there. However, he is an Indian citizen on a visa here with an MD, so he can easily practice there. I am a DO. so I am not sure if I can even continue working there

If I move, my career is completely over. Does he expect me to give up my entire profession, my financial independence, and my life in the US, all while keeping me in a completely chaste marriage?

I am so heartbroken, angry, and utterly overwhelmed. I expected a real partnership, affection, and transparency before we got married, and now I feel completely trapped in a nightmare.

Is there any cultural context I am missing here, or is this as unreasonable as it feels? How do I even address this with him without blowing up my whole life? Any advice or insight would mean the world to me right now.

I dated a guy for around four months, and a few months later, I found out that almost everything I knew about his life was a lie.

When we met, he told me he worked at Visa in Bangalore but was currently WFH and living in Bhubaneswar, which is also where I lived. We became close and were exclusive.

After about two months, he told me he was moving to Bangalore. We said goodbye because I genuinely believed he was leaving. After that, he would tell me about his “life in Bangalore” - how bad the food was, how difficult the traffic was, how he had to do his own laundry, how he was looking for a PG, how stressful everything was, etc.

He had also told me that he hadn't been with anyone for the previous two years.

And then I found out that he had a girlfriend of around four years. Their families apparently knew about the relationship, and they were serious about each other.

I also found out that he had never moved to Bangalore. He had been in Bhubaneswar the entire time.

I also found out he had never moved to Bangalore. He had been in Bhubaneswar the entire time. He didn't even work at visa, He actually works at TCS bhubaneswar. Basically he was a serial cheater, and wanted to use dating app freely.

Basically, he was using dating apps and seeing other girls while maintaining a long-term relationship, and he had apparently been cheating on his girlfriend since the beginning of their relationship.

Whenever I used to doubt something, he would turn it around on me. He called me toxic and immature and even told me that I had the “understanding level of a fourth-class student.” His manipulation was extremely convincing, and I genuinely believed him because I trusted what he was telling me.

This has left me with immense anxiety, emotional distress and depression, especially because I was already going through other difficult things in my life.

He seemed sort of narcissistic, maybe even fully. He used to boast about himself, saying that he had cleared so many interviews. Once, he told me he had appeared for an interview at an MBA college, and a few days later, he texted me excitedly that he had cleared it. I later found out from his girlfriend that he hadn't even appeared for that interview.

The thing that has messed with my head the most isn't even the cheating. It's how elaborate the lying was. He didn't tell one or two lies. He created an entire version of his life and maintained it for months.

He must have done this to many other girls too, building relationships on lies and a completely fabricated version of his personality and life.

It's been around four months since I found all of this out, and I'm still struggling with it. What hurts is that everything he did has left me mentally exhausted, while he seems to have going fine in his life without any consequences.

I will not be accepting any dms. Please reply in the comments only

I've been using the Sirona Menstrual Cup (Size s) for about 8 months. I can only use it for 7 or so hours, and even then, I need to use a pad on days 1-4. Minor leaks are frequent. The blood in my pad is a bit too much to be the residual blood from pushing the cup in. I also swirl a finger around the base. The base is circular, but the top of the cup remains folded sometimes. I've tried inserting it at various depths, twisting the cup, rotating it 360 degrees, but the problem still persists.

When I see that I've leaked, I take the cup to check if it's full, and most of the time, it's only 3/4th of the way. I've been cleaning the holes around the rim as well.

I researched a bit and found out the I may need a firmer cup, since my pelvic muscles are crushing the cup at times. Looking for relatively cheap menstrual cups recs (that are firm and have a size s)

So, I keep getting rashes , for two months now , whenever I wear underwear within my clothes.

I have been staying at home , so i discarded underwear use, but now I have to go out again , and I am not able to understand what type of underwear I should switch to ?

Pure cotton, okay , BUT the shape of the underwear, I was thinking to look for something loose , hipster type , but not able to get the thing I have in mind .

Anyone here could suggest had rash issues due to underwear , what did you switch to ?

21F from India here. I’ve realized that I genuinely don’t have a close female friend, and honestly, I really miss having that kind of friendship.

I’d love to meet another girl around my age who’s looking for a genuine, platonic friendship too someone to randomly talk to, share stupid things with, discuss life, movies, music, studies, skincare/hair, anime, or literally whatever is going on 😂

I’m not looking for a huge friend group. I’d rather have one or two genuine friendships where we can actually get comfortable with each other and talk regularly.

If you’re also looking for a girl bestie/friend and feel like we might vibe, feel free to comment or DM me. 🫶🏻

I have paid a few lacs for a venue that I did not like because my father wanted a wedding! Now there are so many disputes and me and my partner want a very small intimate wedding because it’s like on our day, we won’t be happy! Very confused and stressed and sad tbh

I’m a 22-year-old girl from India, and I’m honestly trying to understand whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a very common family dynamic.
For some background, I’m an interior design student and I’ve always taken my studies and career pretty seriously. My parents have also always pushed me academically. They made sure I studied hard, got good grades, focused on my career, etc. So it’s not like they have ever been against me studying or becoming successful.
Recently, I got selected for a **short-term internship/research program in Taiwan**. It’s through a university program and I had to apply, submit my CV, SOP, portfolio, interview with the professor, etc. The program is largely funded, and I’m getting a stipend/support, although there are still expenses I have to pay myself such as airfare, insurance, visa-related costs, some accommodation/transportation and personal expenses.
My parents and older siblings initially allowed me to go, which I’m genuinely grateful for. But now whenever I find another scholarship, competition, internship, exchange program, summer school, etc. and want to apply, the response is basically:
**“We already allowed you to go to Taiwan. Don’t take advantage of it.”**
And I’m struggling to understand this mentality.
I’m not asking them to continuously finance international travel. In fact, I’m actively looking for scholarships and funded programs precisely because I want to pay for as much as possible myself. If something is fully funded or mostly funded, why *wouldn’t* I apply?
It’s not like I’m randomly asking to go on expensive vacations every few months. These are opportunities connected to my education, portfolio, career and international exposure.
And there is another layer to this.
I’m 22, and I’m a girl. I know that eventually there will probably be expectations around marriage. I personally want to experience as much of the world as I can **before marriage**, because I have no idea what my life circumstances will be afterwards.
I want to travel solo at least sometimes. I want to explore different countries. I want to experience living somewhere unfamiliar. I want to build a career and become independent. I want to look back when I’m older and know that I actually did things instead of constantly saying “maybe later.”
But my family’s response is often basically:
**“You can travel later with your husband.”**
And that honestly bothers me.
Why does marriage have to be the point at which I become “allowed” to travel?
What if I want to see Taiwan at 22? Or Japan at 23? Or Europe at 25? Why does the assumption have to be that I should wait until some hypothetical future husband appears?
I also recently saw a very different side of my family while my brother was looking at girls for an arranged marriage.
There was a girl they were considering, and my family started discussing things like whether she had a job, whether she had stayed in a hostel, what kind of lifestyle she had, whether she travelled with friends, etc.
At one point, they actually rejected/cancelled things with a girl because she had travelled to **Thailand with her friends**.
That really made me think.
Because on one hand, I’m constantly told:
**“Focus on your studies.”**
**“Build your career.”**
**“Become successful.”**
**“Do something with your life.”**
But when a woman actually starts becoming independent, travelling, staying away from home, working, making her own decisions or having experiences outside the family, suddenly those same things can become negatives when evaluating her as a potential wife.
And my parents sometimes seem to want me to pursue business rather than a conventional job because, in their words/logic, running a business would keep me more “in check” or connected to the family.
I understand that they are probably thinking about safety, culture, marriage, reputation and what they believe is best for me. And I know I’m privileged because they have supported my education and have allowed me to do things that many Indian girls aren’t allowed to do.
That’s actually why I feel guilty even complaining.
They *did* let me go to Taiwan.
They *did* invest in my education.
They *do* want me to have a successful career.
They aren’t completely against me travelling.
But it feels like there is an invisible limit:
**“You can have independence, but only up to the amount we decide is appropriate.”**
And now that I’m discovering opportunities myself, I feel like every opportunity becomes a negotiation about whether I’m “taking advantage” of the freedom I was given.
I don’t want to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. I genuinely want to build an international career, travel, learn, meet people from different cultures and experience life while I’m young.
I also don’t want my entire future to be:
study → career → marriage → travel with husband → family responsibilities.
Maybe I’m being naive, but I want some experiences that are **mine**, before I potentially become someone’s wife and have completely different responsibilities.
So I’m curious about other people’s experiences, especially Indians/people from similar cultures:
**How do you deal with parents who support your education and career but become restrictive when that independence starts involving travel, living abroad, or making your own decisions?**
And where is the line between being grateful for what your parents have given you and allowing that gratitude to become a permanent obligation to live according to their expectations?
I’d genuinely like perspectives from both sides, including people who think I’m being unreasonable.

I am 29F and currently separated from my husband since the last 7 months. Is reconciliation possible after such a long separation?