u/lemonysnick613

I didn’t grow up orthodox so I have a different experience than most people here. I grew up mostly secular/reform but stumbled upon Chabad in young adulthood. So I have interacted with a lot of more religious Jews. It sucks bc I just never had the same privileges as most of the Jews I’ve met. And not just the orthodox ones, but the reform/conservative ones that went to day school. I mean there’s just so many layers of class and access to Jewish culture and spaces I did not have. And a lot of these people will act holier than thou like they’re a more educated Jew and oh so generous to bestow upon you their Jewish knowledge. Like constantly trying to one up you in how much they know about Judaism or Jewish stuff lol. Like it’s so lame. To the point where I’m literally being lectured about the Passover story. Like I know I didn’t go to day school or fancy Jewish summer camp, but I have seen the prince of Egypt… literally said that to this girl once just to get her to shut up lol.

Idk at the same time I care about continuity, especially because I’m the only one in my family left that does, and my children will be the only halachally Jews left of my family. But it just kind of feels like this exhausting rat race of trying to keep up with things I just will never be able to afford. It’s super fucking depressing that Jewish continuity basically entirely relies on how much money you have. It basically creates this dynamic where the ones maintaining tradition, as the more wealthier Jews. Okay so now this is a culture where the richest ones are the most pious? Is that really what it means to be a good Jew? Or a good person? Come on.

To make it worse you often have religious people that will tell you to spend your entire life’s savings and financially put yourself and your family at risk and move your entire life to a more jewish and very expensive area just to sacrifice to try to keep up. They’ll tell you to send your kids to orthodox school because it’s more affordable when that would socially and culturally make zero sense for my family. Like it would be a really weird fit and not be a good idea. But they don’t think or understand bc they have such a limited and sheltered life experience. Then the other day schools are just an insane amount of money.

I just get really disillusioned by the whole thing and i run out of energy because what’s the point of trying and trying just to set up my kids with either the same rat race where they will always have shitty yichus and be low class, or to just have them inevitably give it up too bc I was not able to provide the kind of Jewish education and Jewish social circles that is demanded to maintain such continuity? But I see so many others around me doing it in the same desperation, they’re just better off than me and can financially handle it.

I grew up in an interfaith family. My mom is Jewish. We practiced with her family, but I never went to Hebrew school or had a bat mitzvah. It wasn’t until later in life did I connect and get involved with a local community. At this point it was a little too late as I had intermarried. All the grandchildren in my family have intermarried. But I’m the only girl. So only my children are halachally Jewish. I plan to raise them with Hebrew school and what I can afford to (Jewish life is high cost). Continuity is important to me, and I’ve struggled with this since having my first child. I’m also very conscious of not wanting to be disrespectful to my husband who is a great father, and husband. Of course if I ask this on the Jewish sub I’ll get some biased responses. I was curious to hear what others thought on this sub. I assume people are at least a little familiar with Judaism and why in marriage is important in regard to continuity.