r/exjew

There’s a famous Midrash that Avaraham Avinu “knew the entire Torah”.

If that’s the case, then he’d have known in advance that Hashem would “test” him by asking for his son to be offered as a sacrifice, and then tell him to stop at the last minute.

If this is the case, then the Akeidah wasn’t a “test” at all, because Avraham already knew the outcome in advance.

So either the Torah is wrong (because it wasn’t really a “test”), or the Midrash about Avraham “knowing the entire torah” is complete horseshit.

Which is it, Rabbonim?

Sorry this is more of a historical/torah criticism question but I'm writing a paper about misogyny in the Torah and someone mentioned this story as a counterpoint.

I just know that if these stories came out today they would be censored or criticized by rabbis.

Do we know anything about the time period or the authorship of Neviim that could explain why these stories were included amidst all the misogynistic violence? In every other story women in power are treated as witches or leading men to doom, but somehow the story of Devora has endured. It just doesn't make sense to me and any scientific/historical/sociological explainations or evidence would be appreciated /gen

I’ve been lurking in this community for a long time, so I’m giving this a go.

I was raised MO, first in Westchester (White Plains) and it was alright (had zero critical thinking though, since I had restricted internet access. I had only one friend since I’m autistic and had trouble making friends; both our families didn’t make much and we never judged each other. I’ve always felt othered though, since I was reliant on financial aid to be able to attend day schools, and never had the money for fancy vacations or summer camps. I went to a very fancy bat mitzvah when I was 12 that reminded me I would never be able to afford that lifestyle LOL.

I went to conservative (Schechter) school from 2nd thru 5th grade. So I had no problem with female rabbis or clergy, never thought about shomer negiah or tznius. Then I was forced to go to orthodox day school for 6th grade since I had been caught listening to rap music (big Shanda - grounded for a week). Then we had to move to NJ to a town with a very high MO population since my sister’s high school was there (Teaneck).

I was sent to Chabad middle school since my local middle school was deemed too “Ghetto”. I’m actually thankful my dad sent me there, since it exposed me to critical thinking since I had to decipher the BS that was spewed on a daily basis. I was given detention for saying “Merry Christmas” and the rabbi explained to me that the world was 6000 years old and that dinosaurs were not real (on some long rant). I had never been OTD before (or even knew what this meant), but I started by breaking Shabbat and Yom Tov, even though I was still going to shul regularly until COVID. I also had the balls to tell my teacher that the holocaust made me less likely to believe in god, and that I’d love to travel to Germany (almost everyone else was horrified at me).

The rest of 7th and 8th grade I spent making jokes about the rabbi and hiding in the bathroom during davening, while becoming less and less religious. For some reason when I came back to visit for a reunion a few years ago, my teachers actually missed me (including my Hebrew teacher who I’ve run into at the deli).

For reference I was a regular shul-goer in my childhood, it was once a week (also all holidays); then when I moved to Teaneck I was going very regularly for a few years. Then my parents got divorced (in part due to religion) so I went to live with my mom and became fully OTD. Depressing due to COVID but feeling very free for some time. I went to public high school which was okay, still didn’t really make friends until college though.

Now I’m 21 and only have 1 more year left in my undergrad, and identify as fully agnostic (though I don’t think my dad knows - but he’s okay with me being OTD). It’s depressing AF living here, since I never learned how to ride a bike (or drive). But I take the bus to the city and go walk around for hours, I love it there so much and fully intend to live there (praying I get into PhD programs there for clinical neuropsychology).

I’ve accomplished many things in my undergrad and have met so many wonderful people. I love working with people on the autism spectrum, or those with other neurological conditions. And I know that NY has great PhD programs (hope I get in - but I need to work before I apply to those).

Is anyone in the NY area and would love to hangout (in the city, duh)? I’d love to meet you all (as I begin my escape from here). I don’t mind being a part of a Jewish community, just NOT the one I currently live in. I’m non-denominational, agnostic, completely opposite politics from Teaneck (but not anti-Zionist, just Labor Zionist (which they also hate)).

Once again, I’d love to meet new ppl and if you have any questions to ask, go right ahead!

This is a random shower thought.

The Talmud is a compilation of thoughts shared by rabbis and their students back in the day. It makes for a very similar structure to reddit.

Someone asks a question, another one answers it, a third brings up a memory from the past. Then a disagreement comes around, people upvote or downvote each other, someone always makes a sex reference, etc.

The fact that this set of books are now taken as divine, that every letter is written with full intent and knowledge of the past and future, that deep life lessons can be learned from how the words are written, that's just insane.

Same applies to the rest of the books, but it's just fun to see how similar it is to Reddit. Many primitive ideas, some good advice, some random schmoozing, and some terrible ideas. All of that makes up the Talmud

This woman who I thought was still friends with my mum has been sending me these short form Jewish propaganda videos on Facebook for nearly a year. I just straight up ignored them, didn't watch and rarely even opened the chat. I had no desire to really respond to any of it thinking id be causing unnecessary drama for my mum since she lives near this woman and I in a different country.

Finally, about 2 months ago, I decided to take a look at the links. I figured maybe It was one off propoganda videos and maybe rest are just like little jokes or something. They weren't it was just easily disprovable propaganda. I initially sent a very polite message stating I appreciated her passion on the subject but I was not interested. I kindly requested she stop sending them and wished her well.

She responded with a few more shorts and no words but the shorts were in offensive and just jokes. I was like okay weird she said nothing but honestly they were kinda funny so whatever.

She quickly started sending propoganda again and I requested she not send them while explaining why they were BS. I also let her know I found the videos insulting given they assumed I knew nothing about the subject matter, which she knows I do based on the fact that I grew up in the same community as her son and even went to the same post highschool yeshiva.

Obviously as you can guess she was unrelenting. Today she sent me a particularly dumb one about some Muslims praying outside.

I had enough and responded pretty rudely. I basically told her that she needs to exercise her critical thinking and stop consuming such blatant propoganda.

I decided to call my mum to give her a heads up and her response was gold. She was like "oh yeah she sends that to me I just don't open it, its all she has just block her." I really appreciated the support from her.

Anyway no real point to this, thanks for reading my rant!

Hello! I wanted advice. I been a Jew since birth but in the recent weeks I’ve been completely lost as to what to believe. My instinct is that Judaism is false based on the knowledge of science. But the other side of me says “you’ve been in here for so long, and you don’t know anyone who’s left so it must be true.” I’m unsure where to go right now and I want advice what I should do. Much thanks in advance.

I (18F) was about to go to a pool party, motzai shabbos. Dressed in denim shorts and a halter top. Not even a crop top, and no cleavage was really shown.

I was with two friends and we stayed for havdalah. My dad was about to start and I stood opposite him.

He said (very gruffly) “Can you move. I can’t do havdalah in front of a half naked girl.”

I’m really upset that he said that, especially in front of my friends. I hate Judaism so much. I also hate the insinuation because isn’t the point that you don’t get turned on during praying? And that would be really weird if a father gets turned on from his daughter.

I hate that my mom tells me to dress more modestly when my brothers come home so as to not make it hard for them.

I know they say immodesty makes people desensitised. But that’s good because then girls can wear what they want without their brothers getting turned on from them. But in the religious world, just showing your knees turns men on so you gotta hide them.

I hate that every time I bike around my neighbourhood, everyone stares at me. That I have to feel uncomfortable for wearing clothes that are so normal in the regular world.

My teacher once said that girls shouldn’t bike in public because it’s not tznius. So girls should miss out on an experience, so as to not turn on guys. And then they say tznius is for the woman?

I hate orthodox Judaism so much. They talk about the beauty, but none of these backwards rules that control your life are beautiful.

Hi I appreciate this isn’t the correct sub Reddit to post this in but my posts are always taken down in others. I’m a Pakistani in London I have an interest in all cultures and love learning about others I’d really love to visit a synagogue and chat with the Jewish community. Would I face any racism or discrimination? Btw no hate I am fascinated by all cultures and tradition I appreciate all comments here thank you

I don’t know how many of y’all have hear about this but it’s absolutely wild.

My parents are BTs and moved to an ultra religious community where they raised me and my siblings. They didn’t allow us to have any contact with their non-religious families because they were supposedly a “bad influence.” Looks like that didn’t work, because eventually I left religious life too.

As an adult, I tried connecting with my extended family. At first they expressed interest and curiosity, but over time it became pretty clear to me that they don’t feel like keeping up with me. They stopped checking in, stopped inviting conversation or inviting me to meet up, they barely respond to my messages, some of them clearly try to avoid seeing me.

My immediate family rejected me for no longer living up to their standards. My non religious family doesn’t want me either. My guess is because I’m a stranger to them and to their world as an “ex-religious, still unfamiliar with secular social norms and skills” person.

I have friends but lately I’ve been longing to have family to tears. I’m going through a rough patch in my life and I have no family, no support, no one that cares. It hurts.

Thanks for listening.

I stopped being frum over 20 years ago but now I look around at my friends and the math boggles my mind. How does a family on one doctor's salary afford frum camps, years in Israel, private schools, weddings... for multiple kids?! Or an accountant or... you get it. I find life expensive with one child though it's true we travel a bit but the rest is mostly public or subsidized city camps etc. Is everyone is debt? Or because they marry young they learn how to adult and budget really well early on. I mean it's a big responsibility to have children. I was meanwhile in university and not being fiscally responsible much 🙄 I am genuinely curious because I swear I live pay cheque to pay cheque with no where near those costs.

I remember one about cutting nails how you have to gather them, or that they have to be in certain order because you will have to come back as lower life form to gather them.

What have you heard or know of that is pure superstition that many Jews in the religious community believe?

There's a Facebook group I'm in called Jewish women talk about intimacy. I've talked about it here. At this point in my life, it's mildly entertaining but often times validates why I left.

Some poor woman posted the other day that she has suffered infertility, miscarriages, and a stillborn, and that she and her husband "crossed the line" (she didn't say what that meant; but that they missed each other and wanted to connect) while she was a niddah after her recent loss. Most everyone was supportive, telling her to be gentle on herself, that she shouldn't feel guilty, etc. Somebody commented that this was exactly what is wrong with the niddah laws, the mental damage done in a situation where the entire rest of the world would seek comfort from their spouse, but you can't even touch. A wholllllllle bunch of women either liked that comment or supported it with their own comments, they were all agreeing. Someone even said this is why people go OTD, because of this bullshit created by rabbis. Lots of comments like that.

Well! The admin, Chana Carlebach, promoter of this "awesome mitzvah" and "hashem knows what's best for us", wasn't having any of it. She came and said that this is all against halacha and tried to shut it down. Then she deleted that one girl's comment and all.the ones that followed, basically sanitizing the comment thread. Then she made her own separate post essentially saying this is a safe space for women and their beliefs basically as long as you don't contradict Torah. As long as you dont contradict her Chabad version of Torah. Feel bad for anyone who is her kallah student.

The only thing worse than rabbis oppressing women, is women oppressing women.

Anyone else have this problem?

I'm ITC and can't risk coming out.

When flying on a plane, or sitting in an airport lounge and eating non-kosher.

Even if I can get over the risk of someone recognizing me, I still have this guilty feeling of the flight attendant or maybe another passenger wondering how come this frum looking guy is eating treif. Like the flight attendant will think, here are those Jews complaining when they don't get their kosher meal, and here is this guy fully orthodox and eating regular food...

Taking of my yarmulka doesn't really help. I still look Jewish. And besides it makes it even riskier of I'm recognized.

Anyone else has this problem and can advise?

M, mid 20s - what are y’all up to? I’d love to find some friends in the likeminded headspace if anyone is potentially interested. I’m perfectly comfortable respecting anyone who is still DL (I’m partially, but not fully). Ideally around my age (basically 20s-30s).

Very career-oriented, but in my free time I enjoy the library, walks, cafes, playing music, visiting the city, and trying new hobbies.

If anyone is interested feel free to reach out! Happy to get a group going if there currently isn’t one.

I genuinely think the Israeli Haredi system is on the verge of total collapse.

Between the absurd cost of living, massive dependence on subsidies and international donations, low workforce participation in parts of the community, the suffocating pressure placed on women to carry almost the entire economic burden of the family, growing tensions surrounding military service, the internet making isolation increasingly impossible, and the increasingly desperate attempts by leadership to control access to information in order to prevent internal questioning, it feels like the system is reaching a level of contradiction that it simply can no longer sustain.

I’ve been reading through the ex-Muslim subreddit recently, and one thing that really stands out to me is how often people describe the internet as the turning point that led them to begin questioning and eventually leaving Islam. Once people gain unrestricted access to information, alternative ways of living and communities outside the ideological bubble they were raised in, it becomes much harder to maintain closed systems through fear and isolation alone.

Honestly, I think that once this bubble truly starts to crack, the result could be a massive wave of people abandoning religion in the coming generations. The more a system survives through social pressure, fear and informational control, the more brutal the rupture tends to be once people finally begin realizing the scale of the psychological prison they were living in.

How do you think this collapse would actually happen in practice? What would be the main trigger? And what do you think happens afterward?

Hey I have somewhat of a brain game here, nothing too serious but I wanna see your take on it. Let's say you are not Jewish religiously anymore, but you are still involved in the community. You have either a job at one of those Jewish summer camps, or you work for the local shul, whatever it is. Now, going off of this idea in mental well-being that being your authentic self as much as possible is a key to being satisfied in life, would you say it is better to 'liberate' the image of yourself if wanted, and forego wearing a kippah, skirt, etc, even when there are social consequences.

I am asking this especially because I personally work for my local chabad with setting up stuff, but of course I am agnostic and could not care whether I wear a kippah. I usually put on a big rabbi nachman (yerushalayim) kippah since it doesn't fall of easily- I end up feeling like the most zionistic yid in the whole building even though I am agnostic lol. So in my case I do it over the fear of losing my job, being judged, or feeling ostracized. So I am just wondering, is it healthier in this world to forego such things like blending in just to survive? Or do you think it is a balancing act? For instance in much more extreme cases in this world we know blending in and being inauthentic was (or sadly still is) a real matter of survival.