u/lenaxoxx

Before I explain, I would like to mention that I'm F19 and not from a Western country.

I'll start off by explaining my house. It's a 4-bedroom residential home that is basically an apartment with 4 floors, with different families living in each floor. My parents share a room, my older sister has her own room, my grandma has her own, and then I live with my middle sister (we are three sisters). I'm the youngest sister, and as much as we get slandered for being 'babied', I get infantilized.

I can't have my own room to myself like ever. Can't decorate, can't stay locked in for too long, can't make any calls for my own room, and basically my sister is 'merciful enough' to even share it with me. We all got attached bathrooms, so you can lock the bedroom door to shower. My sister showers for 30 mins but keeps the door locked just to 'relax' for 2-3 hours. When I knock to get my things, I get yelled at for disturbing her privacy. Any room related conflict ends up with her always being right. One time I had a 103°F fever and couldn't even move. But they all made me leave so she could shower. Vice versa? I have to be patient and compromise my privacy.

I am very much scared of the dark thanks to them locking me in dark rooms for laughs as a kid, but I felt brave enough to sleep in my bedroom bed as my sister likes to sleep beside my grandma to keep her company. But due to their nonstop intrusion, where they switch on all the lights, make so much noise, wake me up for food suggestions/ stay awake for their parcel's arrival, and leave the door open, which makes me feel uncomfortable while sleeping. My sleep quality was very bad due to this and I could barely function throughout the day.

Treatment towards kids by my own dad is also another problem. They spend sm money on clothes and other stuff while I have to beg them to even buy me a deodorant. I feel ashamed to voice my needs, to ask for new clothes, to ask them to take me to the doctor, to give me a little more money so I can spend it on my needs myself besides my saved gift money. He even admitted how he intentionally spends less on me cause I'm 'low effort.' Any argument turns into how he will stop funding my college tuition.

I decided to solve it on my own by bringing my stuff to another room which is the guest living room, if you can say, and not used often. But that room is also used for other things like praying and other stuff so yeah, not complete privacy there either. I started sleeping there on a makeshift bed, took my art stuff and kept all of my devices there. But of course my grandma and mom had problems with that too and how I always stay 'cooped up' (I'm very introverted). If you are also an artist, you will also know that you can't just keep cleaning up the art project you are working on and have to let it marinate or dry so you can come back to continue. But they have a problem with it as well.

I get decent grades, I am aiming for CS and also going to work as a nursery teacher so I can fulfil my needs. I mostly explore all kinds of art mediums and that's literally it. I'm not a bad daughter.

I got so tired and said all of this to them, explained how I am treated like a homeless person cause they also have no secure space, have to move around to adjust to others' liking, beg for scraps and are completely disrespected. Not saying that any of that is right btw. They surely called me ungrateful for complaining about this and said I'm very immature for not understanding this 'system'.

So, am I wrong to think like this?

My iphone broke today (battery problem) and I got no way to upgrade my phone even after Eid. I already gotta repay 20k to my mom for my laptop contribution with my Eid money (I get around 45k) and even if I sell my iphone, it would be no where near enough to buy a new iphone. I am using my loyal samsung one to get by. I was growing my audience on youtube by posting art content but now I can't record with anything :((

Need some kind of job recommendations until my uni starts (spring course) and I cant get out of my house due to strict parents so something that I can do at home. Some good advice would be nicee

I filled three 300 pages journals while practicing maths for 6 months straight. I put more efforts this year than 11 grade and I got 569/1100. I knew I was weak at maths, I understood the gravity of things. I swear I had worked very hard. Hell, even my family saw that. I got 51.7% overall after equivalence this year. Wanted to choose CS cause I am good with computer and coding/ digital arts.

I feel too depressed and demotivated. Not applying for scrutiny either cause it’s no use.

I filled three 300 pages journals while practicing maths for 6 months straight. I put more efforts this year than 11 grade and I got 569/1100. I knew I was weak at maths, I understood the gravity of things. I swear I had worked very hard. Hell, even my family saw that. I got 51.7% overall after equivalence this year. Wanted to choose CS cause I am good with computer and coding/ digital arts.

I feel too depressed and demotivated. Not applying for scrutiny either cause it’s no use.

I am stuck thinking about all the possible outcomes with my given situation. My 12th grade (intermediate) just ended and I have to choose my uni now. My 11 grade marks are 55% (although I performed better this year so I am expecting 62% after equivalency) and my interest is in creative architecture. At the same time my parents are already financing for my older sister’s university’s so I am stuck on choosing a less financially demanding university.

IVS is too expensive and I also signed up for NED entry test but there are only 16 seats for architecture students. I am not a studious person by any means and I already have to take a gap year in order to get in with my after equivalence marks. And also it focuses on more practical style rather than creative. I thought about Indus University but idk anything about it. Even though it sounds nicer in my mind.

I am good with applications like sketch up and blender and my art portfolio is also solid.

What should I do?

I feel very eager to ruin the relationship my father is having outside his marriage with another woman who thinks that he is a bachelor and not a dad of 3 kids. Everyone in my family knows and yet it has become so normalised.

Some might say that it’s kind of evil of me to send an anonymous text to her exposing the truth but erghhhh I am eager specially after how my dad treats me.