u/lexbastard

I’m a trans guy dating a cis guy for the first time and I’m honestly really frustrated and confused about sex in our relationship.

Before this I only dated women, and I always took the more “top” and "dom" role. Going into this relationship I thought I was basically straight, so this has all been new for me. I discovered I’m vers, but in practice our relationship is like 90% me bottoming because my boyfriend is vers, but in cis relationships has been bottom and in hookups vers he explained.

At first I thought I was okay with it because I do enjoy PIV, but over time it’s started causing me a lot of dysphoria. I’ve tried explaining to him that topping is genuinely important to me emotionally and gender-wise, not just sexually. I want to feel desired in that role too.

The issue is we barely ever do it. I have a dildo but he says it’s too big. He has one we can use, but in 7 months I think we’ve used it maybe 3 times. Last time I specifically asked him to bring it to my place and he forgot. I wasn’t angry, more disappointed, because this has been an ongoing conversation for a while now.

We can’t really do stuff at his house because he lives with other people, so we’re usually at mine. But somehow there’s always a reason why the toy doesn’t come: carrying it back and forth is annoying, we’re tired, or if we had any unrelated disagreement then sex just doesn’t happen at all.

I feel guilty even being upset because he says “we have all the time in the world,” but I’ve already explained multiple times how important this is for me and nothing really changes. At this point I’m starting to feel like maybe I should just give up on sex entirely because every time we do PIV lately I end up feeling dysphoric afterward, even if physically I enjoyed it.

I don’t really know what to do. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of mismatch?

I’m a trans man living in a country where private insurance basically doesn’t cover anything related to transition surgeries (like mastectomy/top surgery). I’ve checked everywhere and couldn’t find a single private insurance that covers it.

Public healthcare is also not really an option in the short term — I’ve been told waiting times can go over 5 years.

However, I noticed that my private insurance does cover gynecomastia surgery. I actually have an appointment tomorrow to ask about it.

So I wanted to ask if anyone here has been in a similar situation:

Has any trans man been able to get gynecomastia surgery instead of top surgery? Like, not officially as gender-affirming surgery, but under that diagnosis?

I’m not expecting perfect results or a “full” top surgery outcome. Honestly, I just want something — even partial reduction would help me a lot.

Is it possible to access gynecomastia surgery as a trans man? Has anyone managed to go this route?

Any experiences or advice would really help.