AIO My bf after 5 years in AA started drinking again.
My bf after 5 years in AA started drinking again.
EDITED:
Basically after 5 years, of AA, and supporting him through detox, ER visits and an almost case of wet brain due to excessive drinking, my bf has been sober 4 of the 5 years together.
He is now drinking socially again. Twice now, it's caused a problem. This was a brief breakdown of lastnight. I take full accountability for being a jerk and passive in some of the interactions. I just need to vent this out. So here it goes,
I went to a BBQ with him, and his childhood friends. We're in our 40s now. I knew maybe 2 or 3 people. There were about 50 people there all hanging out in the pool, drinking, kids playing etc. It was about 105 degrees out. He had every intention of drinking. He just began socially drinking and this has been a huge adjustment. The sober bf, is very aware and empathetic. The drinking boyfriend who I've just met, is not.
"I walked in, pretty overwhelmed. Immediately greeted by 3 of his friends, he then stood in front of me & didn't introduce me, i wiggled my around him over shadowed by him, hes 6'1 , im 5'3. His friend made a comment and introduced himself to me, and my bf then realized omg im sorry this is my gf, I was overwhelmed just walking in & that kinda set the tone for my anxiety, for anyone who has social anxiety, you may understand.
Then we sit down, hes drank 2, 9% beers by now, some drunk girl comes over to him, "hey do you remember me from 2nd grade!??" & he gets up starts talking to her, he then doesn't introduce me again, they talk about grade school, their both standing up talking over me, Then that goes on for 20 minutes.
Then , His friend comes over & is like get in the pool, so he leaves me to go in the pool.( I did not bring a bathing suit bc i didnt know they had a pool.) I had somewhere to go at 10pm, and I knew he was having fun. So I was like hey I'll just go, I don't want to hold you back & I'll get a uber.
He said I don't want you to, but ok, walks me outside & after talking, I decide to suck it up and stay.
We go in & he goes in the pool I sit by the pool.he gets out comes over to me and we talk. I take full accountability of this, I was kinda ignorant at this point w/ my comments. I just couldn't hold it back.
He gets angry with me, sais that I am being negative and ruining his fun, as he is taking down jello shots, he walks off to go play in the soap machine, then he goes to do volleyball for 30 minutes, after that, I said I gotta go soon, it was getting late.
he responded with, okay then go, i can call uber. Inrealized an uber would be about 30 minutes away, so I end up sitting & waiting. & then when he's done... I said do you have your keys? I asked this bc I couldn't find them in my bag.
He said "I just want to get away from you, your so negative", while everyone is gathering their things and watching the fireworks together, he pushed me away. ( not physically). I felt like complete shit and so uncomfortable. I did say to him, "I don't like this character in you", & I meant I don't like drunk you! He's rude and not the guy I've been dating! I see now why he was sober. I know I'm guilty of my own anxiety. Any input that's honest would be so helpful. I should also note, that when we got home, we kinda went back and forth on this. He basically said " I did nothing wrong, you have insecurities you need to deal with that have nothing to do with me". I didn't respond anymore. I just feel like I'm going nuts.