u/lifeinthefarmhouse

Morning Ladies, Day three of knowing I'm pregnant and the terror has set in. I absolutely want this but in this window of secrecy i feel so alone with that fear. Men through they try I'm sure really don't understand what we go through emotionally and physically and i just keep revisiting that horrible feeling of loneliness.

I work from home Monday to Friday, he works horrendous hours and is gone from the house for 11-12 hours per day and it's taking it's toll on me. I feel exhausted, i feel scared and I'm desperately trying to keep myself awake to have any quality time when he gets home from work and it's taking it's toll on my the next morning when i can't get out of bed.

Am I the only one that feels this level of loneliness?

You can see why women do best living in groups not isolated like we all are in this day and age.

Thank you in advance.

Georgie xx

24 hours in to that positive test i have realized that being newly pregnant is an incredibly lonely place. I'll give you a quick back story.

I'm 41, partner is 32

I had cervical cancer at 24 and they removed 95% of my cervix

At the same time they also diagnosed me with endometriosis.

I fought tooth and nail to have my daughter at 28 (with what was absolutely the wrong man)

Had a cervical stitch placed at 12 weeks and spend 7 months of the pregnancy on strict bed rest.

Delivered naturally late after all the worry. 'He' left within 3 months and I embarked on life on my own with this little human. I spent from 2012-2024 on continuous birth control to manage the endometriosis and had a number of laparoscopic surgeries along the way to keep me comfortable.

2024 I was booted out of my home (with 8 horses/chickens/my daughter and three dogs) became estranged from my father (which was a good thing, he is a very toxic man) and started my life again. I dabbled with HRT as my hormonal symptoms were endless, I soon realized that i in fact had PMDD and literally was a different person for half the month.

I nosedived and ended up having a nervous breakdown from the end of 2024 to mid 2025 when i started healing all of my childhood/medical and adult trauma with EMDR therapy, my body lost the ability to digest food and in May 2025 i weighed 5 stone 37kg, it very nearly killed me.

At the end of this healing journey i met my person, having attracted nasty narcissistic men my whole life all of a sudden healed, here he was.

As i mentioned at the beginning he is younger than me an has no children of his own. I put my hands up and honestly said, i just don't know if my body can or will do it.

I carried on gaining weight back and my periods reemerged in September 2025 so we decided to 'not not try' I have ADHD and OCD so this very quickly turned in to panic stations as nothing was happening, and as the months went on the PMDD got worse and worse to the point where in the last 6 weeks it rocked our relationship so hard it nearly ended. I was convinced this month was a write off with all the stress and upset. Then after three days of feeling a bit nauseous in the morning until i ate i decided to do a test (honestly with no hope) and there was that second line.

how the hell is my body this resilient! He knows, mum and sister know but my brain is going 10 to the dozen, I'm at a higher risk of miscarrying, will the cervical stitch work this time. Is this my last chance*??!!*

I guess I'm just looking for a place to vent this with the odd bit of support in what we all know is a very lonely time before its safe enough to tell anyone.

Sorry for the essay, there isn't really a shorted way of explaining it.

Thanks if you got to the end, and any encouragement would be hugely appreciated.
Georgie xx