u/lifeishardnow

TW:LC

Sorry I just have no one else to say these things to who understands how I feel.

9 weeks since the 30 week loss of our beautiful boy. We have a LC who is 2.5 and I thank my lucky stars for him every day. A reason to get up on a morning. But sometimes he just doesn’t feel enough of a reason to continue (I know this sounds horrendous and I hate myself for these thoughts). Does my poor baby feel alone wherever he is and wants his mammy with him? Does he look at us as a family and think why am I not there with them? Does he think we’re selfish for conceiving him for him to leave us and never live a day in his life? Did he understand he was dying (first time I’ve ever used the D word to talk about him).

I know none of you have the answers, I’m just thinking out loud and need somewhere to put these horrific thoughts! I just feel guilt constantly about everything. I know guilt is a huge part of grief but it feels all consuming sometimes!

9 weeks post loss, today is a bad day. The grief feels overwhelming. The realisation he isn’t coming back, I have to go on in life without him, whilst the happiness in the world seems to have just gone. These days are just so hard.

My due date is approaching next week, a day I’ve been dreading. I’ve been offered to take my LC out with my MIL, am I best to do this and stay busy? Or will I feel too upset and need to stay home? Any advice is really appreciated on what worked best for all you mamas

Please excuse this question if it’s silly. We lost our baby at 30 weeks nearly 9 weeks ago now. My cycle has not returned but we would like to try conceiving asap. I have been doing ovulation tests but they’re consistently light. Is it common for ovulation/cycle to take this long to return? Thank you.

I should be starting my year maternity leave today, instead I’m going back into the office for the first time, 6 weeks after the 30 week loss of my child. I’m not going “back to work”, but I’m slowly reintroducing myself back to it, and back to my colleagues. I’m so nervous the situation will be the elephant in the room and people won’t know how to approach me. I should be so excited and happy about the year we would be spending together, but I just feel so empty and lost. I don’t want forever off work, I feel it’ll be much worse when I do decide it’s time to go back, and being off work will now just remind me of what life should be but isn’t.

Hi everyone, does anyone UK based have any recommendations for baby loss specialist counsellors? I’m wanting to start therapy, but I am struggling to find someone who has particular experience in this area. I am North East based, but happy to do it virtually if anyone can recommend someone in particular? Thank you in advance!

I have found so so much comfort in this page 5 weeks on from my 30 week loss to not feel alone, but I also have to say I do feel anxious at times reading stories about people who are years on post loss and are still struggling so much. I know I’m not going to be “ok” in 6 months time about losing my son, but are there any people who have found more comfort or pleasure in life again? At the minute the world has no colour, but I don’t want to live my life forever knowing that won’t return. Can anyone shed any light on when the colour returned for you?

Mamas, did you see and hold your baby once they were earth side but no longer with us? I found out at 30 weeks our baby’s heart had stopped and delivered him 5 days later. In those 5 days I was so tempted to not hold him or see him as I knew I’d get more attached. Of course many people told me I’d regret it and spend all the time I could with him. We spent 3 days with him, cuddling him and kissing him one million times. 6 weeks later I can’t help but wonder if I’ve made it harder for myself as I now can picture him, feel his weight, smell his smell etc. Are these selfish thoughts? I know he only deserved love and believe me that’s what he got those 3 days but I can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been easier to just walk away after delivery which my hospital said many parents do

My birthday today, 5 weeks since we found out our sons heart had stopped at 30 weeks. Wow does this day hurt. I’ve asked for no presents, cards, “happy birthday” messages, I’m not happy. I’ve had 30 birthdays but my poor son never got to have 1, the guilt over this is eating me alive, I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat. He should be due one month today too 💔. Urgh, another day of putting one foot in front of the other.

I gave birth to my stillborn son at 30 weeks 5th May. I know it is so early, but I can’t bring myself to say his name, or look at photos of him as it hurts too much. Did anyone else struggle with doing these things and found what point they could? We have a living 2.5 year old son, and we’ve stopped speaking about the baby in front of him as it’s so painful for him to mention him too. I want our lost child to be a part of our family and something we talk about, but I feel so much guilt I can’t do this yet. Is this normal? Thank you for the advice, and so sorry for everyone else

Does anyone have any UK based podcast recommendations on stillbirths? We lost our son at 30 weeks gestation 1st May, and I’m struggling to continue. I don’t know anyone personally this has happened to, and finding this is such a taboo topic which I hate. Why are our situations the elephant in the room? I’ve been listening to Still A Part Of Us which is American, just curious is there are any UK based?