u/lighty_dot_A

hey , 21m here

so well , how do i even start this one.
just like your avg guy i too have experienced some very not-so-good breakups during my teens. A failed 4yr relationship , a rushed hookup turned into relationship turned into a mess, a relationship where my SO wanted to publicize our intimacy and couple of others too. All these relaionship shabang led to me deciding i wont be dating again. At least for quite a while. Getting hookups seemed a much better option with much less mental strain so thats what i did.

a couple months ago i met a girl online. She wasnt from the same continent as me let alone the same country. At first our relationship was more like friends with benefits. couple of sexts ,couple of flirts , kindda like tug of war. Eventually we started talking more , spending more time on calls. Conversations diverted from sex to life, from kinks to hobbies, from turn offs to traumatic life experiences, from adressing each other according to our online usernames to knowing each other's family.

It went beautifully. It was like the gradual falling to sleep. u dont even know and youre already too deep in sleep. i knew i had feelings for this girl but i never talked about it cuz i knew she wasnt into dating either. one day due to some family related reasons i came close to k*lling myself. i was having suc*dal tedencies. She told me that she is here. she told me that she's wait for me. she told me that she wont lie to me with the whole "its gonna get better" bullshit but wheter happens she was gonna be there. later the same day when i calmed down i decided i cannot take it anymore. eventually i confessed it to her. she said she was scared of the word "love"

and ngl , so was i but i still did. i told her to trust in me and let me handle the scary part. This is where she made a reveal that she already had a kid. a beautifull 5month old babyboy. I did see him before but she told me that he was her baby cousin bu actually it was her own son. and ngl? i wasnt disappointed, i wasnt sad , i wasnt scared , there was just a smile on my face. It was like i already knew that lil guy from years. she thought i was gonna leave but i told her that i wasnt. btw she is the same age as me and her ex /baby father is just a big asshole so theyre not together.
anyways
this is where our relationship started. and so did one of the best time of my life. ive never supported long distance relationship , she was technically my first. i believed im the kindda guy who NEEDS his girl to be around him. someone with physical touch as a love language. but she taught me smth else. she taught me ldr is possible and how beautifull it is.

we had like a 4 hr time difference yet she woke up late until i was going off to sleep too. no matter how many time i scolded her stuborn ass to sleep on time she never would. every nigth she would sleep only after hearing a story from me. a story related to my life or friends or school or whatever was possiblee. thats all she wanted before bed. every night we slept on call. im an early waker and she likes sleeping tll 11am so every morning i would call her lazy ass to wake her up. hearing her sleepy voice was the best thing in the world. calls whole day , snaps , vid calls , audio texts, staying on vid call with the lil guy , watching him spit everywhere and tug on his mama's hair was just hilarious. i loved that little guy so much.

we did plan about future. once i had a job ill shift over to her country,or at least visit her as much as possible . But knowing how much i loved her , i knew i couldnt live a second away from her once i find a decent job. i used to study and work harder than usual just so i can have a security for my future with her. It was suppose to be me , her and lil guy. a perfect family. a happy perfect family. she was mine i was hers. and lil guy? he was both our life.
and then one day
i wake up
the usual routine
i leave her texts good morning , calls that she didnt picked up and audio mssgs. i head off to gym. i come back to see myself blocked everywhere. EVERYWHERE. i had a panic attack , i thought maybe smth is wrong, like smth is going on with her. Knowing that she did had issues and was seeing a psych i thought maybe this is an episode or smth. i created an alt id and send her friend req which she accepted. all i could ask her was if everything we had was lie? if the love she had for me was a lie? weathr everytime she cried to me or laughed with me or fell asleep next to me on vid calls , weatehr all of it was just a lie? an act?

her reply

"yes , and guess who was dumb enough to fall for it"
me
i was

blocked again

i broke
all of it was an act
everything
she cried to me while she told me about her childhood , about how lil guy's delivery went, a painfull c section.
evrytime she cried to me when she was overwhelmed
everytime she laughed to my lame dad jokes or witty naughty puns
everytime she would drunk text or call me.
staying on call for hours while being out in club with her friends and DRUNK AS FUCK. she wouldnt hang up the call. she would rather be the annoying friend who's never off the phone than hang up on her baby.
even her friends would beg her to hang up multiple times but she would THROW HANDS LMAO.

everyday was a bliss
everyday i was happier than the day prior
everyday felt like a perfect dream from which i was about to wake up from
a dream turned into a nightmare

then she accepted it was an act and left. maybe i do was just a playtoy for her. a part of me accepts being used like a toy and thrown away but another part believes it wasnt an act, that she did love mee. that smth made her say those words, that those tears were real , that those laughs were real and that she really loved the family we 3 had.

im in a state of delima
evryday i wake up aksing myself "was it really an act?"
i cant text her
i cant ask her
i dont have any of her contacts anymore
i deleted all my accounts too in rage
the day she left , my life was lifeless again. I was happy being a corpse who only cared about fcking , she made me a human and gave me life and then she fucking took it away.
eventually life for me is very hilareous , if one thing goes wrong - other misfortune follows.
i ended up suffering even more later that same day due to family stuff. but tthe end of the week my will to live was already gone . the suic*dal tendencies were back. this time there was noone to tell me that "im here"

i did leave her some last texts, but after a series of certain actions i deleted my account and passed out drunk. drunk as someone who swore to never touch alcohol.

today is sunday
sunday night
she is prolly coming back from her club right now
drunk
high
i woner if she still fells like clinging to me on call while being drunk. i wonder if theres someone there to make sure she gets home safely and doesnt hit her head , knowing how clumsy she is. i wonder if theres someone to tug her in her bed and tell her a nightttime story as she slowly falls to sleep next to her baby boy and plushies.
i wonder if u still whisper that you love me.

apologies to anyone who read all of this and had to witness my horrible english. Not only is it not my 1st language but im highly high right now and crying ttoo so cant exactly see my keybaor d either.
i dont know why i wrote it
i dont know who im trying to convince that she still loves me
that it wasnt an act
theres a small part of me that wonder if she's gonna read this
that wonder if she's crying too right now.
i hope she doesnt
your crying face is goofy lol

hey there,
ive recently started learning C and im working on this program which compares the int value u input to tell u which one of the value is maxm and which one is minm

what i wanted was
program asks u for a number
u say 10
program considers 10 as the maxm value cuz its the 1st number
then u press enter and give another numbr lets say 12
so program says "12 is maxm 10 is min" but then u type 9 and now its 12 maxm and 9minm
i wanted the program to keep doing this for as long as i want but i couldnt think up of ways i can make this program.
the best i could do was i give program n amount of numebrs and it tells me which one is maxm and which one is min
i tried looking for solution in youtube and found one c lecture on freecodecamp
but the code they gave isnt exactly working
the eof thing is stopping the code from even running. i tried asking chatgpt for solution and error in my code but it ended up fcking up my vscode terminal so i had to reinstall everything.
both of the codes are given below
id really appreciate if someone could help me figure out why the EOF code isnt working

https://preview.redd.it/yz3ku7f3jigh1.png?width=572&format=png&auto=webp&s=f0ee05c0e0bb61bd48f77a07c717dffb94398974

https://preview.redd.it/bjzrcus6jigh1.png?width=1577&format=png&auto=webp&s=d7dfc45e6ddb3c806f0e4bf9ce281dbf0238b012

chat gpt also gave me this

https://preview.redd.it/ej9atioajigh1.png?width=1621&format=png&auto=webp&s=403a3fda677b4725b5da19cedb98dbd925e12018

but it aint workin either

BSC cs 1st year. Need general advice

was it all just an act?

need help with my minmax value C program

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