How to spot a manipulator? Part 2
Hello, it’s me again your psycho Psychiatrist who is not actually a Psychiatrist ✨
In the previous post, we have talked about the basics of how to spot a manipulator?
If you did not read the post in question, I highly suggest checking it out.
we barely scratched the surface before, so let’s try to take a deeper dive this time
1-they will “ definitely “ give you butterflies
As a result of all of the manipulation, the love bombing and the gaslighting you’re nervous system will be all over the place. You will feel nervous around them. You will think about their perspective of you and you will subconsciously put them on higher regards
It is normal to feel a bit nervous around a person that you like or that you think is cool or whatever but it is always better to look for the ones who make you feel safe understood and appreciated
Please noticed that if you were raised in a family where anxiety was their love language, you may not even feel butterflies! The nervous up and down crazy connection may unfortunately feel like home to you.
My advice is if you feel as if you are head over heels take a step back and analyze the situation. If you see any other red flags, you should probably run away.
2-your boundaries are their shackles
You will notice that if you said something among the lines of: I can’t tell you this it is sensitive information.
or: I can’t make it now I have something else to do.
If they were toxic, they WILL have one of the upcoming reactions:
A- they will guilt trip you
They will tell you that you’re being a bad friend, bad partner or bad person for saying no, they might not say it like that , but they may say it as : I thought we were friends. Or :I did not think that you were this selfish
The goal here is to attack a wound that they are praying that you have a wound from your childhood when your parents may used love or attention as a weapon against you… so throughout your childhood, you may have experienced something like your mum wasn’t happy with you for some reason so she said that you are no longer her baby!
To protect yourself from that stay firm on your boundaries and don’t even nudge when they tell you that you are selfish for saying no just smile and say I’m sorry I told you my answer and do not explain yourself because they will use this over explanation to manipulate you even more!
B- they have a five-year-old child like tantrum
They might cry scream kick or knock things off !!
a full on five-year-old tantrum style reaction
The way to deal with that is to call the psych hospital on them because wtf?
C-they play the victim
Playing the victim might come hand-in-hand with guilt tripping
But it can actually come alone they might not tell you that you are being a bad friend or that they did not think you were selfish, but they will probably say something like:
I know my bad luck. I never had friends who liked me. It’s OK I don’t blame you. I am a bad person at the end of the day I must deserve this.
The reaction is no reaction at all.
You should not give them the attention they crave so badly, let them die of attention starvation!
Excuse yourself out and believe me at the end of the day you are so much better off connections like this.
D-flip the narrative
When someone is flipping the narrative they are playing a game that is so close yet so far away from gaslighting.
Gaslighting has a big chunk of flipping the narrative, but using this tactic alone, comes most of the time as: oh so you’re saying no now you don’t wanna hang out with me I mean I get it. You can say no but do you remember when was the last time I said no to hanging out with you?
Or something like: bro no way you’re not gonna tell me this right now. I know more sensitive secrets about you! Bro, when was the last time I kept a secret from you?
If you have learned anything from what we discussed previously, you should know what is the expected reaction that the manipulator wants to get out of of you and what is the reaction you should give?
( answer in the comments, I am curious lol)
Now let’s go back to the main point:
3- they lie
In order for you to control someone you have to control their version of reality and lying plays a significant role in controlling other people perspective of reality!
Rather, you caught them red-handed lying or you had that quiet whisper in your ear, telling your: this is a lie
Just know that a manipulator will lie to you
They will tell you stories that are 100% fake to fuel their own ego or to make you believe something against your morals or to just shift your perspective of reality
And that may take the shape of: painting their ex as a maniac
Telling you that they were SAed as children to gain your empathy and to blame everything that they are gonna do to you in the future on that lie!
They may tell you that they are going to fly to another country or that they went on a yacht party with the rock!
These people live the majority of their lives inside their heads they actually live in a sea of their lies
Because once you lie, you have to lie again to keep up with the previous one and lie again to keep up with the previous two and you will keep on lying forever!
So always keep an eye out for the lie and once you see it, don’t doubt yourself!
4-the way they treat changes the second you are in public
The public eye is what narcissists and psychopaths worship ( لا الاه الا الله ) they may treat you like royalty in front of people but treat you like a peasant behind closed doors
And they may do the complete opposite and treat you like shit in front of others, but love you behind the curtains
The game of the game is :
In the first scenario having that perfect relationship mask in front of your society shields them from you coming out and seeking refugee in anyone! It will isolate you because no one will believe that the perfect person you are with is actually a crazy man manipulator! We see this a lot throughout history
And the second scenario they will fake that your connection is not that deep or that you’re just colleagues but have you thinking that they are in love with you in the shadows so they can go around and start a smearing campaign against you? The second you think about leaving them or exposing them!+ they will use their time with you to convince you that everyone is against your connection and that it is best off to be a secret when in reality they are scared that if you go out and announce that you are together people will start coming to you and telling you how shitty of a friend partner or boss they are
5-they are most likely to be extremists
Not all extremists or manipulative, but most manipulative people are extremists
They may take a religion as their whole identity ! Or they may not care about religion at all and take that as their whole identity!
They are more prone to substance abuse, alcoholism or reckless behaviour
They may have tendencies of violence which are extreme reactions of emotion!
Remember that they do not have a stable nervous system
At the end of this post/article I want to highlight something that I find absolutely fascinating yet heartbreaking
Your childhood is the blueprint of your adulthood!
Both the manipulator and the one being manipulated are most likely to be the victims of broken households
Childhood abuse has two ways of shaping the persons personality!
The first one is: I have to learn how to survive by manipulating others and putting myself first, no one cared about me so why would I care about anyone? People are tools.
The second one: I have to be a good boy/good girl everybody else’s emotions and lives are my responsibility. I am a failure and unlovable so I need to shrink myself and say yes to everything and exchange of love… love is control love is manipulation and love is a currency
People who are raised in better circumstances don’t usually get tangled in these situations. They find the manipulation weird and unattractive and they know they’re worth and they have people who love them the right way so they don’t have to beg anyone for anything or to tolerate anything from anyone.
And in conclusion and personally speaking, my heart goes out for both kinds of victims. I feel sorry of both of them but I don’t and will never justify the acts of abuse with all of its forms.
May God help us all, thank you for reading this. I appreciate it.