u/linzkaua53

My partner and I have been together for a long time. We met in an environment where heavy drinking was just part of the culture. It was everywhere, it was normal, everybody did it. I eventually got sober and they didn't.

I've known the drinking was a problem even before I quit. But getting sober myself made it impossible to deny. The person I am when I'm sober and the person they are when they're drunk just don't work together. And they're not kind to me when they drink. Sometimes they're really mean. It's like being in a relationship with two completely different people.

I've given ultimatums over and over. Too many times. I know they don't work and I don't even know why I kept doing it. There's always a reason they give, always something external causing the drinking, always a new situation that's supposedly the real problem, always a promise that it'll be different. Sometimes it is, for a while. And then it isn't.

They're not happy in our current situation and I know that. They're only here because of me. I've been covering a lot of our expenses and carrying a lot of the emotional weight for a long time.

Recently they got drunk at a small family gathering where they were the only one really drinking like that. Visibly, embarrassingly drunk. In front of people I care about. I am so embarrassed. And now I have to have a conversation I've had a hundred times, and I already know how it's going to go. They'll tell me I'm being dramatic. They'll minimize it. And I'll walk away feeling like an idiot.

I adore them sober. I genuinely do. But I'm so tired. I don't know how to keep doing this, and I don't know how to stop.