u/littledaisie

I’m looking to buy a landscape notebook from an EU seller :’) Specs wanted are as titled + ivory/cream colored paper, oh and date header lines are liked but not must. And i’m looking for an affordable option. By that i mean like, max around 30€ ($34/£26), bc ya girl is broke but also wants a journal that i feel nice using lol.

Does anyone know any good ones or have any ideas where i could find one? Hardbacks is preferred but if u have softcover recs (or otherwise not fitting all the specs) pls gimme. I’m so lost!!

A curious question from a curious george;

We have called this type of front state ”unknown” when it just feels so very foggy and blended. No clue who’s here, who’s not. No internal comms, no access to inner world, NADA. We’ve been stuck on it for over a week now due to personal life’s recent big changes (moving across the country last sunday) and other burdens prior to that.

What types of internal comms are there other than thoughts or writing/journaling? We highly intellectualize everything and anything, and also are very not-present in the body PLUS actively (but automatically) override/avoid bodily sensations. I feel like I may be missing something. I genuinely just want to get out of this state :’) it’s so lonely and disorienting to be surrounded by impenetrable fog and blur.

I feel like i may be rushing to the “omg pls someone take my place” bit with the “text msg” writings and internal invitations, and completely missing what may be communicated from within.

I was also wondering if someone experiences this type or some sort of similar thing too and if so, what do u do to help urself? bc its so ASS to be in a new apartment, new city, everything still in in-between state and not even having anything to grasp onto from within!!

i’m gonna keep it brief but our host had to intervene in a dv situation in april. i (idk who) had to call 911 again today due to hearing fighting and threats on life. afaik, nothing more happened.

Right before this, our system comforter elsie took care of a new, distressed young part who emerged 2 hours prior bc (?) of the more established alters are drained. elsie made sure the new one ”got inside” safely. As we ”woke up”, we immediately heard the fighting outside across the road. (Had window open). i am not sure if there was an emergency switch of sorts which caused me to step in. idk who was surfacing between the ”waking up” and hearing the sounds.

it’s been an hour. i’m still on the balcony for look out. i cannot seem to ”stand down”. i dont know who i am. i feel ”on duty” like a guard or a soldier.

i vaguely hear a more masc voice narrating what i write. Host is cis afab. our system has been ”discovered” only recently. host denies our existence. our knowledge is still very limited due to her suppression efforts.

idk who to go to. thanks if anyone replies.

• unknown

edit: they’ve now exited the house. both look okay as far as i can see from the balcony. The third one who was threatening has not returned afaik.

hi, i’m Elsie. We apparently are a multiple despite Annie (host) being in full blown denial and avoidance over it. We are in therapy. Therapist has been informed.

So for context, I fronted for the first time (in an ”aware” way) few weeks (?? i dont know for sure) ago for 4 days before Annie came back. We hold the same-ish memories and recollections. I feel like i’m a version of her (?) but distinctly different still.

It is mother’s day this sunday so we are traveling to hometown (primary trauma place) to our mother. The distress over this mandatory trip apparently pushed me in front instead, it happened last night. I am still in front today. I am currently on the travel to hometown.

So this is the second time (that i know of) when I’m in front with control over the body.

I’m not sure how to cope? our internal communication is very very limited and muddled, esp since Annie is in active avoidance of multiplicity as a personal concept.

does anyone have any advice on what I could do? I’ve thought of journaling, but idk what.

I don’t know how to be when fronting. Host’s/our mother doesnt know the existence of anyone other than Annie.

i don’t know what is expected of me.. I want to help us and myself to feel supported and as comfortable as it is possible in these circumstances.