Also, all the other photos on this post are of this little boy shirtless in his underwear in bed. The religious psychosis is one thing…the way she poses and dresses (and then POSTS) her young children is awful.
I've posted here before when I was freshly postpartum about my MIL buying an apartment in our city and how to establish boundaries. THANKFULLY, the sale didn't end up going through, and they reconsidered the move (after several conversations where we reminded them that a., they hate the city and b., moving here was no guarantee that we'd spend more time with them). Since then, a lot has changed.
My husband and I have one 18-month-old son, who is the first grandchild for my parents and MIL/stepfather-in-law. Our son is very medically complex and has significant developmental delays. After his diagnosis, I didn't return to my job after mat leave so as to be a SAHM. It is a full-time job - he has therapies and appointments every day, hospital visits every few months. He's on 8 medications right now and still has seizures almost daily. Obviously, it's taken an enormous emotional, mental, physical, and financial toll on me and my husband.
One thing I'll say off the bat - our families have been very supportive. This includes MIL, my parents, my husband's father (they're divorced/no contact), siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. People have been great about genuinely wanting to understand our son's diagnosis and how he's doing. Our parents have also provided some monetary support, even though we never ask (occasionally sending money) - now that we're down to one income, it's definitely hugely appreciated.
Anyway, MIL and SFIL did end up moving to the area. Thankfully, they chose a suburb about 1 hour away. We figured this was an acceptable compromise for everyone - they'd be closer to us, but not too close. We'd be able to get out of the city and have somewhere to go.
Since the move (about 3 months ago), it's been a struggle to establish boundaries. Neither my husband or I are good at this - we're both really non-confrontational people-pleasers (although, since our son's diagnosis, I think we've gotten better about being firm). She wants to spend every weekend together. They've never had a social life wherever they live, and that includes here now, so they don't have much else to do but see us.
Initially, we tried to be flexible since they'd just moved - I think that was a mistake. We compromised often (i.e., letting them come to our place for the day vs going up there, which is much easier). But we're definitely starting to reach our limit and having trouble navigating how to proceed.
My MIL is, on the surface, a very lovely person. She lovebombs and buys her way into people's good graces. She loves playing hostess. I think she uses these things to then get what she wants -- and because people on the outside looking in only see the "positive" qualities, it's hard for them to understand why we don't want to spend time with them.
We have absolutely nothing in common. Moreover, she never makes any meaningful attempt to connect. Case in point - she gives us gifts that are nothing we'd ever be interested in, or isn't our taste/style at all. I don't think she could tell you what my husband does for a living. It's all very, very superficial. She also said I was annoying for not responding to her texts immediately (you know, when I'm caring for my child) and is very upset that we won't travel with them this summer on an all-expenses-paid trip (again, with our medically fragile child who can't be far from his care team).
The biggest point of contention is probably that my parents are closer to us, geographically and relationally. Because they were here from the day our son was diagnosed, they've learned everything about his care and we are comfortable with them babysitting or taking him to occasional therapies. They have helped us tremendously while not overstepping boundaries at all (they have a very active and full social life, which helps). MIL is definitely not happy about this - SHE wants to be grandmother of the year, but again, only on a superficial level. She thinks that cooking us dinner or paying for a trip entitles her to more access.
I know the easy answer is "just say no," but it's really hard for us both to do. I let my husband manage communications (even when we're on a group text, if it's something about arranging a visit, he will be the one to reply or call her). But she tries to corner me at every opportunity and grill me about why we aren't closer. I'm worried that I'm going to lose my shit one day, which would probably be worse than a firm, but thoughtful and polite, response. I have no idea. Help please!