u/lolsappho

hi friends, I am an artist, a toy collector, and a pop culture nerd, so needless to say the idea of doll customization has been very appealing to me for a long time! however I find myself feeling really overwhelmed with getting started.

A few questions I have based on research I've done:

•For dolls - what is important to know about the different bases/types and workability? How do you usually source your bases - is it typically second-hand, like thrift stores or online? Do most people make the clothes and accessories themselves, or are there places to purchase clothes, hair, etc?

•Supplies - what tools/medium is best? I've seen people mention primer, a vinyl/plastic acrylic, and a sealant. What do you use for smaller details? What other supplies are helpful to have?

•Are there any good creators with tutorials or other resources to get this information in a cohesive (preferably visual) way? For stuff like rerooting/boilwashing especially.

And any other tips that may be helpful to a beginner! I've done a lot of sculpture, painting, and mixed media work before so I know I can definitely figure it all out, it has just felt overwhelming to try and piece together an idea of the whole process.

I have two cats that I love dearly. They are 16 and 14. The older one is who I'd consider my "soul kitty" though I honestly regard him as a bit of a guru. I always joke that he has full sentience and is an ancient spirit in a cat's vessel while his younger brother is very very sweet but also very very fresh to existence!

however I've recently been looking back on visits (usually in deep meditations/trance state or astral projecting) where my cats have pulled me out of the experience when I started to feel like I couldn't recenter my body. They scream or they make a lot of noise with paper bags or scratching, or they literally climb on top of me - one sleeps on my hip and one curls up on my head (lol). A lot of these experiences also coincided with clicking noises or other feelings/sensations that didn't fit my typical experiences with meditation and astral projection.

just looking for some encouragement and some reassurance from the community.

I went through a big awakening in 2023. It triggered a huge shift in my life - lots of net positive, but lots of difficult things too. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and DID and dealt with two very sudden losses in my life six months apart. I go through periods of time where I feel extremely connected to Source and spend lots of my time meditating, journaling, creating, and processing my trauma. I also go through slump periods where I am just burnt out and exhausted and basically live in a fugue for a few months. I am chronically ill and physically disabled. I'm lucky to have a supportive family life nowadays that allows me to live off of disability payments and part-time remote work when it is available. I have a network of close friends, I live in a safe area, I have time for myself... and I am so deeply unfulfilled and lonely.

I truly believe I am a Lightworker and that my purpose on this earth is to experience the brunt of the affects of generational trauma in order to break the cycles and transmute all of that negative energy into light. I have Chiron within 1 degree of my Sun sign - the Wounded Healer placement for those unfamiliar with astrology. I try to be a beacon of light for people in my life, though I am only just now learning to distinguish between people who multiply the light I give them and those that just suck it into a void. Maybe the dissatisfaction is growing pains - usually when I get to this point of feeling exhausted, tired, questioning my purpose, etc the universe ends up throwing something at me totally unexpected but also exactly what I need.

I can pinpoint what I feel like I'm lacking - structure, spiritual community/support and the emotional fulfillment that comes with it. Despite all of my close friends, I feel extremely alone and alienated in my perspective on the world (a culmination of dissociation, disability, neurodivergence, and spiritual stuff). I have one or two people that I feel truly know me, and everyone else just knows different sides of me, but never the full picture. I crave deeper connection and I am exhausted by the trivial social demands of getting to know people and protecting myself in the process. Even on the days that I do feel up to that process, I end up hitting another roadblock financially (no car, no gas money, no budget for frivolous spending), socially (I no longer drink or enjoy nights out for physical and mental health reasons) or physically (due to physical health). I try to look at these roadblocks as challenges to dig deeper for strength.

I'm just exhausted with the up and down. I end up drifting off into escapism, imagining a world beyond this one. I feel stuck in this perpetual cycle of spinning my wheels, unable to progress to small goals, like my own space, financial freedom, anything to shake up the day-to-day without overextending myself or blowing up my life by acting impulsively beyond my means. I know there has to be a balance, but it's hard to find. I'm at a point now where I feel like I'm doing the "right" things: processing my feelings, cutting out doomscrolling/other "junk" for my brain, doing the best I can to take care of my body considering my circumstances, trying to do the things I can do that are fulfilling (like writing/journaling/art/yoga/meditation etc).

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way either. I just need some encouragement to keep going and keep giving my faith to Source, because I have seen that even though I tend to be impatient, the things that I need do find me in due time. I've experienced so many beautiful things beyond explanation - spirit communication, premonitions, astral travel, lucid dreams, serendipitous coincidence, etc. There have been times where I feel excited just to wake up and be alive in the morning (and not in a manic way, but a peaceful way). I know that feeling is possible for me, and I have a sense that in the next 3-4 years, after a deeper dive into darkness, the circumstances of the world will shift to something brighter than we've ever seen. The changes are slow but I do see them. I just need to find a way to sit with the discomfort and trust the process.