u/loveoflearning_

TLDR - How do I just make it through a brutal few weeks when R isn’t going well and I’m completely depleted?

I (33F) have been dreading this period for months. On top of full-time work, I have my final major degree assignments (significantly disrupted since DDay) and an interstate conference next week where I’m presenting and feel nervous as hell. WP has historically acted out during my work trips, so travel is already a trigger.

It’s been 2 years since DDay1, one year since DDay2. Despite a brief early separation over WP’s ambivalence, I’ve been hopeful, committed and patient through most of R - enough to get engaged and start TTC until recently.

The last few weeks have been bad. Defensiveness about his efforts, mismatched expectations about “the work,” and a realisation he wasn’t as far along in his recovery as I thought. I asked for one meeting a week, IC, and some shared reflection. In CC he said it felt like a full-time job, that it wasn’t balanced, the work gets in the way of him living life, and that he doubts he’ll ever be enough for what I’m asking for, doubt that we’ll make it.

That’s shaken me hard. To offer everything I have to someone who put me through significant levels of deception and betrayal and he’s still just… not confident and not sure he can do it despite asking me to marry him and TTC, makes me feel rejected and worthless on another level.

I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am professionally and academically, somehow held onto my job and nearly finished my degree, and I’m applying for other roles without success because my employment feels uncertain. The last few months have brought real isolation, loss of routine, relentless anxiety, and a level of depression I haven’t had in a long time. No savings, no family nearby, no real social support.

We spoke tonight and we are at breaking point. My life feels like it’s about to blow up again, right when I mentally prepared so hard for this period to just be about getting through things that used to feel so easy to me pre-DDay.

I don’t have the reserves I used to. I’m so tired. Any advice welcome.

TLDR - How do I just make it through a brutal few weeks when R isn’t going well and I’m completely depleted?

I (33F) have been dreading this period for months. On top of full-time work, I have my final major degree assignments (significantly disrupted since DDay) and an interstate conference next week where I’m presenting and feel nervous as hell. WP has historically acted out during my work trips, so travel is already a trigger.

It’s been 2 years since DDay1, one year since DDay2. Despite a brief early separation over WP’s ambivalence, I’ve been hopeful, committed and patient through most of R - enough to get engaged and start TTC until recently.

The last few weeks have been bad. Defensiveness about his efforts, mismatched expectations about “the work,” and a realisation he wasn’t as far along in his recovery as I thought. I asked for one meeting a week, IC, and some shared reflection. In CC he said it felt like a full-time job, that it wasn’t balanced, the work gets in the way of him living life, and that he doubts he’ll ever be enough for what I’m asking for, doubt that we’ll make it.

That’s shaken me hard. To offer everything I have to someone who put me through significant levels of deception and betrayal and he’s still just… not confident and not sure he can do it despite asking me to marry him and TTC, makes me feel rejected and worthless on another level.

I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am professionally and academically, somehow held onto my job and nearly finished my degree, and I’m applying for other roles without success because my employment feels uncertain. The last few months have brought real isolation, loss of routine, relentless anxiety, and a level of depression I haven’t had in a long time. No savings, no family nearby, no real social support.

We spoke tonight and we are at breaking point. My life feels like it’s about to blow up again, right when I mentally prepared so hard for this period to just be about getting through things that used to feel so easy to me pre-DDay.

I don’t have the reserves I used to. I’m so tired. Any advice welcome.