Hello fellow long time listeners and first time callers.
I am wondering if any one has a memory of Art Bell talking about his time in Alaska? I am putting together a radio podcast thingy with obscure Alaskan facts/audio and would love to sneak Art Bell in there.
Thanks all!
TL:DR: Met someone I unexpectedly connected with pretty deeply via OLD. His issues with sex are vastly different than mine. He hurt my feelings yesterday. Trying to remind myself I am a grown woman despite living in my elderly mother's basement while I care for her. Basically I am a mess need to get it out. Also sick with the thought of being trapped in a small town where I don't really fit in.
52F here. Never married. One grown child who is independent and lives in the city where I raised them. Last year around this time, I moved back to my rural, isolated home town to care for my elderly mother. My mother is independent, in good health, and so it is not a situation where I am taking care of her daily living activities at the moment. She is in her 90s so there is that. She was living alone for 20+ years and my life was in a bit of a shambles in the city, so I thought it would be a good idea to move here and spend time with her. I was gone for 30 years of my life with visits or travel most years to see her.
I decided to try OLD back in June knowing that it was likely going to be a bust. I am quirky, smart, not gorgeous, and frankly a bit broken from a very difficult last 5 years in a toxic relationship. But I do know that I can be fun and clever and emotionally intelligent. I am an artist, a reader, a performer, and a writer. If I connect with someone, I am a very good friend and confidant. So anyway - I figured this will go no where but a summer without any kind of excitement sounds even more dreadful than meeting a few new people.
I get plenty of messages from men I don't think will understand or like me. And then I get a message from this one person who is age appropriate, an artist, a writer, a musician, and we have millions of things in common. A bit odd how much. He is here for a few months and then will leave. I secretly curse my "luck" but why not make a new friend? Our first date was all day and evening ending with kissing and such. We were drinking. We both do that probably too much but if anything we just found ourselves connecting and vulnerable from the beginning. For a month and a half we have spent time together, sent messages all day every day, and he has said things to me like spending more time with you is a priority, wants to meet my mom and friends, he's harmless, he likes my brain, etc. But on the topic of sex he is guarded or silent. I try to get him to open up about it in various ways. In all honesty, I've been excited that someone might like me for who I am - broken and all. When he is drunk and happy he is terribly affectionate and sweet. When he dries out, he gets more distant, introspective, but he's still there. I do believe he is a good guy and worth knowing. He's been married 3 times - 3 artless trainwrecks is how he describes them.
Last night he sent a couple messages very negative about being a sexual person in general - not about me - about him. I take it personally and spiral a bit. I am prone to disappointment. He had been surprising me. I was almost ready to really talk to my friends about the potential of knowing him for a long time.
To get to the point, he bluntly told me I was looking for too much because he is leaving in a couple of months and I am too similar to him. And that he wants to spend time together as friends. He says things that are very valid. Like he was married for the majority of his life and he is only just figuring out being single. That he is more creative without a sex life.
And I get very sad. You see, living in my childhood home with my mother in my hometown has me feeling like a 17 year old all over again. No small thing that my mother still sees and treats me like I am. Just the day before I had told him I was grateful to have met him.
Anyway - this is too long hence the TL;DR. Just dealing with the disappointment and the knowledge that this kind of person doesn't come around often in my life, and in this very small conservative town, it is not likely to happen again for a long time. I can't leave. I am committed to being here until my mother dies.
Any advice? Commiseration? I am fighting the feeling that I should just go out to the bar tonight and find something easy for physical gratification. Or just tuck in and never get out of bed. We had/have plans for the whole weekend - fun, active, creative plans. I genuinely enjoy his company and this feels like loss. I know I am not a teenager here. My frontal cortex is fully formed. I am a fantastic person and friend. I am not an insecure kid who is so sad that my crush was not reciprocated.
Hi r/Ketchikan - Tomorrow is KRBD's birthday celebration and live day! We have local performers lined up from 10am-5pm at the Ted Ferry Civic Center. Come on by and/or listen on your FM dial.
107.1, 105.3, 90.1, 90.7, 101.7