I can't take it anymore, i need to choose a side
Hi, I'm a gay 25yo male from Syria, my family are strict when it comes to Islam and I'm sure that it won't be easy to tell them or even for them to accept me for who i am, and i don't wanna lose them in my life so I never told them anything and i keep pretending that i like girls and everything, i can't keep hiding it all the time because it is killing me slowly
Islam is a big part of my inner conflict between embracing my gay side and living the life i want or living as Islam says
I can't even have a boyfriend because when i do we talk about our future and i have nothing to say about it because even for me it's not clear and i don't know what i will do till then, so i ruined 2 relationships because of this reasone even tho i loved them and they still have a great place in my heart
I don't wanna lose my parents and don't wanna live alone
So I started looking for ways i can become straight and my therapist recommended me this book called (شفاء الحب) and said it helped alot of people, but after reading it nothing has changed so i feel worse than ever now and really wish someone can help me with this and tell me what i can do to keep my family and be able to live my life with someone that i can love and not be foced to live with under the name of marriage
Did anyone ever became straight after being gay? If there is any here can you tell me how aor maybe help me to choose what way to take
And please be logical and reasonable, i live in Islamic country with Muslim family, I'm a Muslim, tried to become an atheist befor but my heart didn't feel like it was the right thing to do so i got back to being a Muslim
(Don't tell me things like i need to accept myself and dont care about what people say because I can't, literally that means i have to replace all people in my life and I can't do that)