Rewriting history?
Got deleted because I had the wrong post flair, reposting
In the avoidant breakup sub something that I've seen frequently come up is that their ex avoidant partner "rewrites history". That they lie and make the dumped out to be a villain. I was just curious if anyone actually on here agrees with that?
I was convinced I didn't do this in past breakups but when I really sat and reflected it feels like i perhaps have done this after all just in a subconscious way.
In the back of my mind I would think things like "he didn't like me, he just feels sorry for me and didn't want to hurt my feelings. Also he's laughing behind my back with his friends. It's all just a big joke to him." Even though I was the one who ended it, he was consistently kind to me and even apologized to me after what objectively was chaotic behavior from me. These thoughts were remnants of things that happened to me in the past and his personality reminded me of those people.
But the thing is it really does work. Even though it hurts believing these things, whether they're true or not, makes it a lot easier to move on. It made me never regret breaking up. And it also kept me from taking responsibility for my own behavior. I never once thought I was hurtful. And I know for the most part that I was kind and giving. But I also know I made him cry more than once and not apologizing.
If you've come to similar realizations do you just try to forgive yourself?