She says I assaulted her. Did I?
Okay so this may be kind of long and if so I'm sorry. So to start off by saying I'm in an open relationship with my boyfriend and we've been together for three years. About two years ago I developed a crush on one of my friends.she had a boyfriend at the time and I never said anything, well that crush transpired over time and turned into love. She even said she wanted me to be her first girl kiss man before I even realized I had a crush on her.
Anyways fast forward to October of last year my birthday, we were drunk in the bathroom just four of us and our friends. And she decided she wanted to kiss all of us just like a quick peck, but still. She chose me to go last, which was insane because of what she had told me a year prior. But we were drunk and I didn't really care it was silly and wasn't serious, but then after we all go back into the room, she pulls me into the bathroom again and said she had to talk to me.
At this point we were all decently intoxicated, she told me she's sorry because she knew she wanted her first girl kiss to be me, and I went last. I told her it was okay and I didn't take it anyway and that she didn't have to worry, well then she started talking and telling me how pretty and sexy I am and how she's always had a thing for me despite having a boyfriend. She even went as far to say that our mutual friend had to stop her from fucking me. Then I don't know how exactly it happened because I was so drunk but she kissed me, it was soft and quick but different than the one earlier. She then started talking about kissing wth tongue and how her boyfriend doesn't do it with her, she missed it. I told her we could, so we did and ended up making out for like 10 minutes. That was the end of that.
Then about two months later she came over again with our mutual friend and only me and her drank. Our mutual friend told us "don't get fucked up and fuck each other", jokingly. After a couple hours our friend left and it was just me and her. The second she left we started making out plastered.She kept telling me how sexy I was and how lucky my boyfriend is he gets to fuck me. She even had me put on a matching lingerie set for her. I also remember at one point she made me find the remote to be able to take a shot and called me a good girl. We kept making out and she had me strip for her. We started taking and it's hard to remember everything because I was so drunk. But we were talking and she told me, I was perfect for her, then I admitted my feelings towards her. I even showed her a letter I had written previously confessing. She told me it was so sweet and she never knew I felt this way, and that it wouldn't change anything. We then continued our rendezvous and she was on her menstrual cycle, I asked her to remove her pants but she said no because of that. She was fine with removing her shirt tho. All night long we talked about how we were secretly in love with each other, no one else understood her like me, sex is never like this for her. There was a lot of kink talk involved in the moments. Some of the stuff is extremely taboo. For example we did mommy daughter play. She also told me I could touch her as much as I wanted to before we went to bed. So I cuddled her while she was shirtless. She was happy I remember her saying she never gets to be little spoon.she falls asleep and I am like in and out drunk and holding her. I'm sort of grabbing her boobs but I'm cuddling her. She wakes up and tells me something I can't remember now but it was 100% along the lines of I'm being slutty or I like that or something. But then she turns over and starts kissing me vigoursly. She then pulled me up and set me on her face and preformed oral sex on me. After this we cuddled for a few more minutes and talked and it was super intimate and romantic.
The next day we both woke up super sick and just kinda sad melancholic idk. She felt bad for her bf like she cheated even tho he told her the first time we kissed he didn't care, but I do get this was more intimate. She was weird with me for a few days, then she finally told me she wasn't comfortable with sleepovers. Our Christmas sleepover was coming up and I saw her having a sleepover with our mutual friend, even tho she told me she didn't feel right in any of her current friendships. Whatever I was sad but I gave her space. She talked to me a few times, told me merry Christmas etc. but eventually she just stopped. This is gonna sound petty but I noticed her family and our mutual friends family had unfriended me. I realized our mutual friend hadnt spoken to me in a week. That's never happened. Then they BOTH left our shared life 360 circle that is used all the time by us all. This whole situation had me all messed up mentally and I just felt like I was going crazy and alone. So I blocked the both of them, and finally left the group chats on Snapchat. I found out that apparently that really wasn't plotted so maybe I'm just paranoid.
Anyways a few weeks later I get a text from my friend asking why I touched her while she slept. I told her I was so sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable in any kind of way I thought it was okay at the time especially since we fell asleep cuddling. I never touched her in her genital area as she told me not to. She told me it doesn't matter if she gave consent, because she was drunk. I agree with that. But the issue here is, we were BOTH drunk. And she had preformed a sexual act on me as well, while I was also extremely drunk. Neither of us should've been touching each other, because we were both drunk. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever went through because I genuinely love this girl so much and I would never want to hurt her and I pains me that she feels like I did. Thanks if you read my book.. I didn't know it would be this long lol. But basically the advice I'm asking for is . Did I assault her, or did we assault each other? I don't ever want to victim blame but I know I didn't mean to assault her .