u/march_in_aberdeen

Been doing lots of research to write about it and depict it as realistically and respectfully for victims of cults ; was wondering if maybe there were some different stages it could go through/needed to go through, motivations, and the overall feeling surrounding it. Did the abuse start straight away ?

Are there recurring stages to cult creation?

Thank you for any response/experiences shared !

Hi everyone!!

Basically, yesterday I was feeling like I was falling back into my "obsessed" kind of days with him.

As for what happened: he was an older colleague [27M], and I was an intern ([19F] then 20). Just to say, there was no power imbalance, as he was never above me in any way. We worked as equals whenever we had to collaborate.

So... after a first internship where I had a tiny crush on him, but knew he was in a relationship, I backed off because I did not want to take part in that. He has been with his girlfriend for 7 years, and fidelity has always been a huge deal for me.

During my second internship, after a few signs that I thought were weird, he started, like... flirting??? After doing a bit of research, I learned he was still in a relationship. I tried to back off, but I still had a crush on him, and the flirting made it hard.

And lord, I was in HARD.

Just to say: he was the nicest guy all along. He always cared about me, made small attentions to make me feel seen, we had the same SUPER niche interests, and I honestly felt like he understood me and loved the parts of me I didn't like.

I've always been a romantic, never really been hit on, especially not by a crush. It was hard not to enjoy it because, obviously, I liked the guy.

It was the first time anyone had ever reciprocated my feelings.

Long story short: a few days of flirting and heavy sexual innuendo. After the end of my internship, I saw the team again.

Basically, we started talking about a dating app made for cheating. Everyone around the table said how immoral it was, and he agreed.

BUT.

He added, "but like, compared to real life, sometimes there are connections you don't expect," while looking me straight in the eyes. 🫤

For my defense: at that point, I did not think about cheating AT ALL. You can call me stupid or gullible, but I genuinely thought he might leave his girlfriend for me. I really thought people in real life didn't cheat and that it was just some fuckass plot point in movies.

Basically, I responded by saying how fucked up I thought that was, because if you loved someone, you could never cheat on them.

After that, he grew more distant. The very next day we had an afterwork, and he kind of acted like a total douche, barely caring about me.

A few months later, after an Instagram story that was kind of targeted at him (using a song he had recommended to me, which he watched twice), and another afterwork where he brought up very specific things I'd posted in my Instagram Notes... we just stopped talking.

And I know I'm dumb for thinking he might care, but... does he? I'm still hoping he might realize one day how great we could have been and just come back.

After my second internship I kind of spiraled. I cried and everything over this. I feel like this is the first guy I've genuinely loved and genuinely had a connection with.

I became kind of obsessed, as one does : checking his Instagram and shit, looking at when he viewed my stories. (If anyone wanna know : after a few days where he seemed to refrain himself from watching, he became hyper regular, always around 8 p.m. lol. If you had any doubt about how insane I'd become. 😭😭)

I got better, and then not.

But yeah, after yesterday, when I felt overwhelmed again, like I was once again living with this constantly in the back of my mind, I decided to restrict him on Instagram, block him from seeing my stories, hide all of his posts, and uninstall Instagram altogether.

Because whenever I post something, I know I'll end up checking whether he saw it or not, and I'll be sad if he didn't.

Well today I feel like shit lol. I still love him, and feel like an horrible person because he never asked for all of this, and he was nothing but nice all along.

(And imagine if this was all in my head and for him this was never that big of a deal ??? Oh lord I wanna scream, that would be horrible)

I'll say it also : I won't block him.

Was this the right thing to do? Am I delusional if a small part of me think he can still love me ? Should I just tell him how I feel, or should I wait for September to see him again ??

TLDR : Fell hard for an older colleague who flirted with me despite having a girlfriend of 7 years. I thought he might leave her rather than cheat. After I made it clear I thought cheating was wrong, he became distant. I've spent months obsessing over him, checking his Instagram, hoping he still cares. Yesterday I finally restricted him, hid his posts, blocked him from seeing my stories, and uninstalled Instagram. Was that the right thing to do?