u/mashibeans

The reason I'm having this question is because I have no issues with certain things, like I can clean, I can do laundry, wash the dishes, and keep a neat room (relatively speaking).

Is this a thing?? I have really bad time with focus, starting or switching tasks for certain things, like working out, doing paperwork (healthcare, taxes, insurance...), working, and studying, and now even my hobbies.

But thinking about how I CAN do some things, it makes me feel like I'm just being lazy, like I just don't wanna do it, but I really do. I mean I don't enjoy them per se, but I know they're good for me or they are things I have to do if I wanna accomplish certain goals.

Is it possible to have AuDHD issues with some things, but not others?

Spoilers ahead for anyone who might be interested in watching this movie, I hid the movie title since my vent involves an important detail of the twist and main plot point of the movie.

I recently watched the movie >!Sister Death (original title "Hermana Muerte") a horror movie from Spain. The main character is a nun who was transferred and arrives at a reopened convent.!<

In the major reveal of the story, the main character ends up >!getting visions of the past, how during war times, some men invade the convent, and of course a disgusting man rapes a nun.!<

>!His rape ends up getting her pregnant, and the poor nun births a daughter. During an event where they forcefully separate the child from the nun mom, where they're trying to bring the child's fever down, they accidentally kill her (I have no fucking idea why they couldn't let the mom be with her??).!<

>!The main character basically unleashes the spirit of the mom, and in some weird time loop, the mom's soul murders all the nuns responsible for her daughter's death, which, totally fair.!<

So what I haven't been able to stop thinking about is... >!the nuns are shitty here sure, I can understand the grudge the mom's spirit feels...!< but how about giving some comeuppance to the man who raped her?? They depict "the act of rape" as something horrible yes, but he basically gets NO punishment on screen nor it is implied in any way, and the movie >!makes the actions of the nuns be considered worse since they're the ones who get majorly fucked over.!<

>!I understand that the nuns were the ones who fucked up killing the child yes, and the rape itself wasn't the point of the story.., but it irks me still that the man raping a nun... is more like "sth bad happened to a nun and this convent, ohhhh"!< and that's it?? I don't know how to explain it.

Like, sure the movie doesn't really brush away the rape, that's how this whole mess started... but also, I feel like it's kinda, moved aside pretty fast, and the "truly" bad thing happens later.

I don't know how to explain it, maybe I'm wrong. I enjoyed the movie up until that point, and I'm not even super squeamish about dark topics in movies... but it's just depressing me at this point, because men raping but the majority not facing actual justice is horribly common in real life.

Like the title says. I feel I've always been at the bottom when it comes to importance/priority to friends. I've been in this particular group (as a last addition, which I think some of you might relate to, too) for many years now, and I feel this even in this group.

One example: there's a friend who is somewhat harsh and a bit thoughtless in the things they say, the way they say it and the wording. I was told a long time ago I was harsh when I spoke, and ever since then I've tried very hard to be mindful on what and how I say things, but this other friend gets excused and nobody seems to have an issue with the way they talk, which I think it's even worse than when I was "harsh"?

And, this is as nice as things can get in terms of friends, I know toxic people, and this is pretty far from that. I get help in many ways, and generally we are mindful of each other. Even the friend from the example has no ill intentions (they're not the passive-aggressive type at all) and they've helped me a lot in several ways.

These are really good friends, however even here... I don't feel comfortable "rocking the boat." I already tried it before a few times. Like the friend from the example said sth hurtful once during a group hangout (they were trying to be funny), and I asked for advice to another friend, about a good timing to talk to them, but I didn't say anything shitty. They took a long time to reply, and once they gave me the advice, which favored the other friend slightly (they were mindful of their situation, but didn't ask about how I was feeling), they didn't reply again after I thanked them. Usually this friend does not do this, they're good about replying back at the end, and they don't leave me on read this long. I barely ask for this kind of advice, and most times I feel this is how it ends up being VS if I don't "rock the boat."

I'm actually really lucky because I got a lot of help from them, I won't dismiss that. I just wish my feelings were taken more into account... Even in this group, I suspect that if I were to actually be upset with someone and get into a fight, the one who gets ejected from the group is me, and the way they react to me VS others, just makes the case for that to be stronger.

Has anyone else felt like they're the "extra" or are at the "bottom" of the friend group? Even in a group that is actually a pretty good group otherwise?

Yesterday a friend mocked me for an eating habit during a group meal. I've been having some really shitty weeks, and yesterday I was at an all time low, but I still attended. I know they were trying to be funny, but it wasn't funny at all, it was just mocking me for an eating habit I have that I can't help.

Today, I was planning to talk to them about it, but just now they announced to the group that someone in their in-laws side of the family passed away, and they will be away because of it.

Now, I'm conflicted because I feel like it'd be super petty of me to want to talk to them about how they hurt me, and I know they didn't have bad intentions, and they meant it as a joke, and now they announced a serious grieving event. Should I just... let it go??

I always have trouble standing up to these kind of things, and now that I had decided to talk to them, I feel ashamed of also feeling the timing was really bad.

A short while ago I talked with something like a social worker, and the topic of "how to talk to psychiatrists" came up, and I was basically told that I made several mistakes when talking with my psychiatrist, like I shouldn't have said "I wanna try" or anything related to "looking things up on the internet."

They explained to me that some phrases/words/questions can basically stonewall us because they're looking to avoid any liability or legal consequences, or they simply hate them (they hate it when people mention "the internet").

While I understand all their points, because they're the professionals/doctors, I'm really frustrated at the fact that we're essentially punished for not carefully choosing our words even in our medical treatment journey.

This is just another minefield of social queues that us NDs have to parse through, and as you can see, I already made mistakes without even knowing they were mistakes... and these mistakes are affecting my treatment and lots of options are being denied to me.

Just looking for some emotional support, I'm just really tired of being punished for letting my guard down, getting too careless while speaking, and not walking on eggshells, on yet another aspect in my life.

So a couple weeks ago I tried a med at a kinda high dosage, which was working for me but it was giving me some sleep issues, which I told the doc, so they said well then we'll go back to the previous lower dosage, and it was basically "ok this is it, this is what you're getting for the unforeseeable future."

The problem is that it's not working nowhere near as well, like, it's barely making things better, compared to how my symptoms got so much better with the higher one. (it's why I asked to try the next dosage)

I waited some time first, give it a good chance again, but it's not working, so I finally called their office and left a message asking if we could try the higher dosage out again, at least until next appointment, and I mentioned things I was doing to address the sleep side effect (waking up very early, working out more, no caffeine at all, drink more water)... And yeah they denied me. They explained that doctors rarely go back to a higher dosage of a controlled substance, they would rather keep going down.

I'm very frustrated because I feel like they stopped listening to me (long story, there's like a new guideline, ADHD patients gotta get passed down to some other department once the current docs find the right treatment, sth like that) a few appointments ago. I don't do other drugs, I don't drink or smoker either. Hell I don't do caffeine anymore, and I barely drank it before. I try to do my part too, it's not like I'm sitting on my ass about it.

I have this doctor because basically I'm low/no income and this is what's covered. I can wait until I get passed to the next place, but that can take months, and I can't afford to just pause my life so long.

I'm so mad at myself because I'm the one who mentioned the insomnia without trying to first fix it, I feel like I'm stuck, and I don't wanna push back too much otherwise it'll just make things harder later on. (like if they write down in their notes that I'm being difficult or I'm a druggie or some nonsense)

If anyone has a kind word, I'd really appreciate it right now.

Edit: To make clear, I'm NOT asking for medical advice, I put the "advice" flair so people are welcomed to give general advice in other ways, because sometimes that's also a way people use to express support and kindness.