u/mat_helmsen

I’m 22 and live in Argentina (a country where the majority of men are uncircumcised); I’ve only ever dated one girl (it lasted just a month). We had sex once. It was awkward. At one point, she looked at my penis, confused, and asked how I liked to masturbate. Caught off guard by the question, I shyly replied, "I don't know... normally." But I clearly know that isn't the case, because I’ll never be able to masturbate normally. Naturally, she decided never to speak to me again after that night. They say that to feel a true connection with someone, you need to share traumas. The problem is that other people's traumas aren't as messed up as mine—having been mutilated at age eight... I think the only girl I could be into is one who also underwent vaginal surgery during childhood; otherwise, I wouldn't feel a genuine connection. She wouldn't be able to understand me, and I wouldn't fully respect someone who hadn't suffered through something as traumatic as what I went through. In the Americas, finding a woman who has had vaginal surgery is practically impossible...

My father works in healthcare, and I needed to tell a story for a university research project—specifically, a powerful, compelling life story. My father knew of several, but he told me he couldn't share them because the victims wouldn't want the details made public. I insisted he at least try, but his reply left me stunned. He told me that I would never talk about the surgery I had on my penis, which made me wonder: why did he decide I should have that surgery when he knew it would be humiliating for me? Phimosis surgery isn't a matter of life or death; the decision to undergo it should have been mine. Being forced to undergo genital mutilation at age eight caused a trauma that I still carry with me—and will carry until the day I die. I’m twenty-two years old, I’m terrible at sex, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

Does anyone know of a subreddit for victims of genital surgeries performed during childhood? I’m not just referring to circumcision, but to any such surgery, whether for men or women. It leaves a lasting trauma, regardless of gender.

A few years ago, I was in a group for Latino restaurateurs moderated by Andrés. For some reason, I lost access to the group. Could a member please message me privately or add me?