r/CircumcisionGrief

If i was born female I know for a fact I wouldn’t be mutilated and disgusting like this because it doesn’t generally happen to women at least in America and if it did happen, and I was born female, I would probably have justice by now, but instead, I had to people on Mail and no one gives a shit. I fucking hate this existing is the worst. It’s the most painful thing anyone can experience that I experienced every second of every day I fucking hate this. It’s a cycle that I can’t get out and there’s nothing I can do, I guess that’s the only way out. It’s the only way to finally be free.

I hate just how badly I’ve been mentally destroyed by all of this I hate it so much. I hate living in this thing I call a body. It’s not mine. It never once mine never will be all of the actions of someone else. I hate it. I hate making the body. I hate having to live in it. It was destroyed mutilated and stolen from me. It’s horrific disgusting I hate nothing with it and I hate not being good to do anything about it. I hate it’s so much. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever heard to experience and

I experience it every second every day it’s legit torture. The only thing is keeping me here. Honestly is having my girlfriend that’s it. I’m single I probably wouldn’t be here suffering , but honestly looks much more tolerable.

im getting tired of all the doom . Every research has to deal with problems not just foregen . I dont mind people asking . But what i cant stand is the huge despair on this sub an especially on all the other subs.

Instead of celebrating when they get closer to the goal and deal with problems on a step by step basis , in every update these pessimists are always of the opinion that they have to read out  some sings of doom out of every little update and spit their venom unto every sub. 

Im tired of this . Thats why i dont go on reddit anymore . If you ever run into such a person they'll tell you that foregen is doomed but when you ask them if foreskin regeneration is gonna be possible in our lifetime , they are always forced to admit that it is because of the rapid and undeniable pace in which tissue engineering and regenerative medicine are progressing . 

In tired of this . I know that optimism can create false hope but they dont seem to know that pessimism can create false despair . They see people fighting for their bodies , they call that false hope without any proof and then call it a day and wallow in their own misery . Newsflash : you have to look a the facts and not just follow how you feel right now and project it onto the whole world.

As always they'll never read the peer reviewed primary literature that foregen publishes and they never will because despite their claims they have no actuall honesty or intelectuall integrity . they only care about bathing in their own misery and painting the world black . because for them the truth is not something that can be measured , the truth is whatever they feel reflects back on that pitch black hopeless attitude the have right now.

You people are not they only ones who got crushed by male genital mutilation. My life has been destroyed too . almost literally . But the fact that some of you choose to doompost day after day when theres still reason to fight and a realistic outlook of reclaiming your body just goes to show that despite of what i initially thought , you people and i (despite sharing the same trauma) are sadly nothing alike . That you people are not my allies and not my friends and never will be .

after getting my foreskin back i will (very likely and unfortunately) depart from this community and will for the rest of my life have nothing to do with you guys anymore . Im just tired of reading the same 10 doomposts of why nobody cares and what was taken from us and that its not fair over and over and over again ad nauseam . Im just so tired of this unreasonable and defeatist attitude and even if against all odds foregen turns out to be a bust i still want to have nothing to do with you guy's toxic attitude. Your pessimism is poison for everyone who still has at least a little bit of fight left in them and im not gonna partake in it.

Bye.

I'm aiming to get alot of my trauma off my chest and put pen to paper, so I'll be aiming to share a lot of these over the coming days and weeks. Please share your own as you are comfortable to do so.

A minor issue (relative to everything else) I've run into is a recurring fear of blades, knives- any sharp edges. This carries over into other aspects of my life, frequently interrupted my already erratic train of thought.

I find myself having recurring nightmares of being cut or otherwise mutilated in some other way. I've had vivid, lucid dreams that I was a newborn being circumcised, without anesthetic and fully aware/awake. I've had dreams I was the man who went the hospital with a broken leg and woke up circumcised due to medical arrogance and incompetence.

I find myself imagining, and vividly fearing, increasingly, wildly, unlikely events. The office I work at is getting renovated, and there were tradies on the floor beneath me using power tools of all sorts. Power tools are part of my line of work, this is not a sound I'm unfamiliar with. But as they were directly underneath me I heard them cutting into the walls and dividers, and all I could imagine was through some freak accident them cutting through the floor and slicing my genitals. It's insanely irrational, it would take a literally impossible Final Destination-esque rube goldberg machine of events to even make that possible. And yet it was all I could think about for hours. The fear consumes me.

I'm terrible in the kitchen, I take an hour to dice vegetables that would take an average person less than 5 minutes. Knives make me sweat and I absolutely despise handling them or being near them. I shave every day in the shower, and every day in the shower I spend the entire time warily eyeing my razor to make sure it doesn't fall and slice me. One time it nearly did.

So many things trigger this fear and all I can think of is threats to what little tatters remain of my genital autonomy. I'm fiercely protective of what little foreskin I have left/have restored, and I'm incredibly frustrated that this has added just one more area in which I cant function like a normal human being.

It truly has a Freudian aspect to it. I am convinced the Danish research linking autism and circumcision has merit. The psychological impacts of this barbaric practice on day old infants is utterly profound, and the practice will probably die out before we ever truly manage to map out just how wide-reaching the mental damage it causes is.

I’m from Miami, though. A part of the US that’s heavily Hispanic/latino. Just about every guy is uncut there. It wasn’t until I moved to the Northeast and started dating around did I notice just how prevalent circumcision is. I don’t have a preference and it’s not weird to me. But the practice certainly is. Why is genital mutilation so normalized? Infants cannot consent. They should leave it up to the person when they become an adult.

Anyone else notice this? They blame everything on porn and masterbuation but NEVER the ACTUAL problem.

I'm mad that men have not woken up to this yet. The circumcised men, that is. Intact men just live life normally and don't have sexual problems. Their free, but we aren't.

So many problems,

"Erectile Dysfunction"

"Premature Ejaculation"

"Lack of visual feedback from the male (moaning, convulsing etc)"

"Insert literally 100 other problems here"

and yet not ONCE have I seen it attributed by circumcision.

HEY, NUMBNUTS, IT AFFECTS BOTH PARTIES IN AN EXTREMELY NEGATIVE LIGHT!

That's not to bodyshame us cut men, but holy hell does it get tiring seeing the same blame on porn as if it it's the end all be all.

Circumcision is literally the answer. That's why you don't have good sex both from a female and male perspective. That's why you don't *feel* like you are having an orgasm even though your dick is out. That's why sex in general, fucking sucks just like masterbuation.

I hate my circumcision. Every day, I wish I was spared. I try to function, but it's harder to do the things I want to; I'm wasting my energy on school and work.

The thing is, I should be somewhat okay. I have a very loose cut. I like how my penis feels. But I'm unhappy with my bodily autonomy being violated, and the fact that I can't do anything about it. I know that most of you have it worse than me, and that makes me feel guilty. Knowing that other men are okay with their circumcision makes me feel even more guilty. I want to be grateful for my loose cut so badly, but I cannot do so knowing what was taken from me.

I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I just want a hug and reassurance.

Being raped and mutilated like this makes me just not wanna be here anymore and continue suffering every second every day I have to live with this shit it’s fucking painful. I hate it. It’s too much sometimes and if I were to ever take my own life, this would be the reason why. it’s disgusting it’s horrific it’s just fucking painful. I fucking hate it and there’s nothing I can do to change or fix it. I think the only way out is eventually just dying that no longer having to live through the pain. It’s fucking horrible I fucking despise it. I hate it so much. It’s legitimate to torture.

Update to the following post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/foreskin\_restoration/s/ZbobaZaPiN

I (26M) have now logged 266 hours and 30 minutes of manual tugging using my method.

My dick does not look that different from before, but it feels different. It’s more sensitive, especially the frenulum area and the head. Sometimes I’ll notice that the skin is covering the head, and a lot more often it will bunch forward a little bit, but the change is gradual enough that it’s hard to tell visually.

In some ways I feel like I’m starting to undergo a second puberty. I used to hardly sweat at all, even when I went to the gym or was in hot weather, but now I’ll sometimes slide forward on the seat of a gym machine I’m getting off because there’s so much sweat on it. If I don’t regularly change clothes/shower/apply deodorant then my armpits get so smelly that it bothers me.

It really feels like I’m going through some kind of second puberty, especially because some of this is stereotypical stuff that never happened to me as a teenager but is suddenly happening to me now. I’d be curious to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

My sex drive has increased and it’s easier for me to get and stay hard. I used to be disgusted by stereotypical male sexuality but maybe I was really alienated from that and didn’t know. Of course part of that was also due to my parents’ disturbed relationship with human sexuality, rooted in toxic religious purity.

For years I’ve been mostly a gay “bottom” but the past few months I can’t stop thinking about fucking cute boys.

It’s strange because for me being a bottom felt intrinsically less “sinful” than penetrating a man or woman with a penis. My parents avoided the topic of homosexuality entirely, while focusing their lectures on purity on the sins of heterosexual sex, and occasionally the deep dark sin of masturbation. After hearing about how hetero sex outside marriage was sinful and seeing how rape inside a hetero marriage was acceptable according to male authority figures in my life, I ended up disgusted with heterosexuality. Even if I was bi I couldn’t put my dick in a woman because that would feel so disgusting and sinful. When I saw straight porn for the first time it made me want to vomit; the female moaning just sounds like a woman getting raped to my ears.

I feel like for many religiously indoctrinated people it’s the opposite, but for me I feel the least amount of guilt and shame being fucked my another dude and I’d feel the most amount of guilt and shame fucking a woman. Masturbation and fucking another dude are somewhere in between.

Growing up extremely sheltered and surrounded by people at home and church who had disturbed ideas about human sexuality, it feels weird trying to process the idea that I want to put my dick in people. Due to my experiment, my dick is more sensitive and sometimes I’ll start involuntarily humping into my hand. I can’t stop thinking about fucking twinks. I feel like restoration is turning me from a “bottom” to a “top” and I’m not sure what to think about that.

It's just..so pathetic. Putting aside everything negative about circumcision, like women disliking cut dick after trying intact dick, lack of sensation, the ugly, UGLY scar. It's just so weak and tiny.

Now, this goes without saying, but this is not a humilation post. I just think it's fucking sad how emasculating it is to have a smaller and less girther dick when women almost always talk about how much they love the bigger dicks. I don't even know what to think anymore...it's just fucking sad.

And before you say, "well how do you know that's true about women lik.." Do you not see what is posted here? On reddit and other places? IRL encounters? Have you actually heard the conversations spoken?

And that's not "misongiystic" or anything. It literally isn't. I am only saying what women themselves have publically stated on various places here and there.

Circumcision reduces size, that's a fact. And theres a reason why bigger dicks are shown in porn both to gay and straight men and women. I truly wonder whos doing that? Who nose, who nose...

Anyway, I just wanted to say this. I don't know if anyone else can relate to me anymore. It seems less and less that people can. And if they do, it's fake bullshit. I get blamed for avoiding sex YET THIS is what I am up against. A towering wall that will never break.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

-us millions of men should be granted the right to have their parent's genitals excised when they turn the age of 18 if they so wish!

-and why stop there! also, everyone at the hospital who shares in the blame for cutting into infants genitals.

What do you think is the Worst justification?

They won't remember if it's done as a baby.

No that makes it way worse. It's stealing a part of there body. But they will never understand what was taken or why, they won't have any experience of it. So they will probably do it to there children. Flip that there is lots of things you could give an adult. To prevent them from remembering. Can we cut an adult if they won't remember? No the fact that they won't remember makes it Worse. Because that justification can be used to do ANYTHING. If someone really tries to use this justification. Then they are trying to justify memory inhibited rape.

Can moms decide to wait until boy is older or when boy is older can mom decide to have boy circumcised

Once you understand phimosis not as an illness but as a natural reaction of a sensible nervous system to unwanted and sexually intrusive stimuli - like parents that are unaware of their transgressions and make the wrinkliness of their child’s dick a bigger issue than it needs to be and initiate a series of forced private parts examinations - you might conclude that the only masculine energy that could be cut back a bit is the one of the mother or father or doctor who calls for circumcision.

I got circumcised at the age of 6 or 7 by the father of an elementary school classmate who did it in his little private paediatrist office. I’m 35 now and had heavy nightmares last year of trying to hide from my manic mother as a child with a bleeding crotch while she’s chasing after me into the bathroom.

If I feel sexually encroached upon (or in cold water or anything uncomfortable), my dick still shrivels to the size of a raisin. I also guess it would phimote less if my glans was still protected by skin like god intended it. Dick expansion is like the indicator for how much a guy wants something or is repelled by it.

I’m 22 and live in Argentina (a country where the majority of men are uncircumcised); I’ve only ever dated one girl (it lasted just a month). We had sex once. It was awkward. At one point, she looked at my penis, confused, and asked how I liked to masturbate. Caught off guard by the question, I shyly replied, "I don't know... normally." But I clearly know that isn't the case, because I’ll never be able to masturbate normally. Naturally, she decided never to speak to me again after that night. They say that to feel a true connection with someone, you need to share traumas. The problem is that other people's traumas aren't as messed up as mine—having been mutilated at age eight... I think the only girl I could be into is one who also underwent vaginal surgery during childhood; otherwise, I wouldn't feel a genuine connection. She wouldn't be able to understand me, and I wouldn't fully respect someone who hadn't suffered through something as traumatic as what I went through. In the Americas, finding a woman who has had vaginal surgery is practically impossible...

A frequent response I was given on my old user was that I was heavily exaggerating the effect's of circumcision. I was told that I was being too hyperbolic and redundant in my answer's and questions.

But, am I?

Is the global, mass, and allowed child raping an "exaggerated" issue? Is the societal gaslighting and inducement of this child rape a "redundant" problem? Is the double standard, backhanded, RIDICULOUS allowance of male circumcision but adament denial of female circumcision "that bad" to you?

Notice how everything I just said was not only a response to the above, but objective fact. Not an opinion, not an article. These are known, and proven, facts by American's and cultures alike. That's because circumcision is TRULY, a black and white situation. You're either on the side of the child cutting pedophile's or you're not. It's that fucking simple people!

Justice, as I hear many talk about here, is a concept that is used adamently in Intactivism and alike. It's used to try and "punish" the cutters by force without remorse. But I never see these people called out. The ones who try and slime their way out of responsibility and salvation. The ones who think that simply saying "it's bad" is fine and dandy enough. They are just as big of a problem as the intact men and women who say otherwise. The ones who demean us and the ones who allow us are not too different after all.

We should be stricter, yes. That much is certain. We must be stricter in those so called "Intactivist" movement. The allowance of any other opinion or "side" is exactly why the movement has failed thus far. Use bigger words. Get more anger in your speech. Allow yourself to be furious and depressed at the same time. Feel, think, and act.

I know that my life would be so totally different, if my dad wasn't a selfish pos, if he didn't volunteer me to have the best, most wonderful, most important part of my body cut off, I'd be living a different life right now. I would be a much, much happier man. I would never have wasted years feeling disappointed or heartbroken about something that never needed to exist. If it were a personal choice, none of us would be cut. When I look at gay uk lads sub, or foreskin sub, or merely just go on explicit websites, the massive damage I have sustained is very evident. I am obviously gay, i would prefer it if i were Asexual, given that the pleasure i can have is extremely minimal. it's like a blind man wanting to enjoy birdwatching. On a serious note, I have definitely in the last 3 to 4 years noticed a decrease in sensation. I can't even imagine the convenience and fun, joy that just being able to whip it out and use it must bring a man. I have many intact friends, and the things they tell me are completely heart wrenching. I know inside me I have been so badly robbed compared to them. I feel very disappointed and deeply, deeply sad. The grief is existential in my case, not Something that can ever be fixed, despite extensive, year long attempts at foreskin restoration, which is bloody hard work.

Something professionals can't measure, and I can't measure is the psychological damage and mental damage. I can never say what type of person I would be if my brain hadn't been subject to mgm, extreme pain, during and after the mutilation happened, and also the reality catch up I had to make at 18/19 years old, plus all those school years which could have been very different, if i didn't have that happen to me. I have a intact sibling and their life trajectories have been a hell of a lot smoother, same for cousins, same for acquaintances. I can't say how much it may damaged my reasoning, empathy, pain tolerance, resilience, and other human traits. The version of me that never existed, the intact me, pains me everyday. If it was up to my mother, she would've left me intact, she tells me. But unfortunately my dad is really quite in favour of circumcision, even to this day. And he is quite knowledgeable as a person, is quite smart... but unfortunately chose to do something horrible. His choice will follow me to the grave. It's the impossibility of knowing what a natural foreskin feels like, that hurts now, but will hurt even more later in life, when I'm closer to death, or when I experience loss, which every human does. Nothing will make up for this - but when I tell people around me, I am just made to feel like a fool. My father and I barely have a relationship anymore, and it is on worsening terms all the time.

I have been quite unhappy, distressed, depressed mainly, for many many years now and am really heartbroken with the way it played out for me. My foreskin would've changed my life, in a immeasurable way. The ambiguous grief, and injustice hurts so badly. I want justice for that terrible event, that my own parent manufactured for me. I know I will never get it.

Thank you to this community for being there for me and reading my post. It hurts, and of course it will continue to, but I am not alone in my suffering, the sense of community this sub brings me is enormous. It did keep me going. I try not to give this topic much thought, it pulls me down and makes me very upset and hopeless, but the last few weeks I have just felt total despair. I know i will die without ever having a whole penis.

I ask in earnest, honest, curiosity. My plan is simple.

I wish to stop my sexuality entirely. I wish to halt any further blood, arousal, or drive towards my brain and subsequently, dead penis. I wish to completely change and apprehend my sexuality when needed so I can bend it to my will. Use it for a different drive in my storage. A different outcome other then uselessly ejaculating.

I see no reason to keep it around. A circumcised penis is not a penis. It's a manmade abomination. It's something I must get rid of, for myself. I have to work what I have been given. I have been given a 99% sensation loss debuff and a permanent loss to my overall lifestyle and manhood.

I have given this topic many, many hours of my life. If you remember my previous user, the orignal, I posted about getting a penectomy and using brain-altering meds to help me cope. I wanted to shutdown the entire idea of sexuality. I wanted to stop it, halt it.

But that's changed.

I want to bend it to my will. Use it for any other purpose. I want to mend it to aid me in my future endeavors in life. I want to use it for exercise as a motivation. I want to use it for hobbies to get me excited and happy about doing them. I want to completely rephrase it. I want it gone, first and for most, however.

My sexuality must end for this to happen. I see multiple avenue's to which I can take to achieve this. I can either get a penectomy to completely eliminate the desire entirely. Or, I can take the previously mentioned route and shape-shift my sexuality entirely.

The only question is, how can I go about doing that?

I've been working through some crippling nerve pain lately and have yet to find a doctor who takes this seriously. Has anyone here had a successful corrective or reconstructive surgery? Could anyone recommend a specific dr or how they found someone who could help?