u/Legitimate_Style_212

I know that my life would be so totally different, if my dad wasn't a selfish pos, if he didn't volunteer me to have the best, most wonderful, most important part of my body cut off, I'd be living a different life right now. I would be a much, much happier man. I would never have wasted years feeling disappointed or heartbroken about something that never needed to exist. If it were a personal choice, none of us would be cut. When I look at gay uk lads sub, or foreskin sub, or merely just go on explicit websites, the massive damage I have sustained is very evident. I am obviously gay, i would prefer it if i were Asexual, given that the pleasure i can have is extremely minimal. it's like a blind man wanting to enjoy birdwatching. On a serious note, I have definitely in the last 3 to 4 years noticed a decrease in sensation. I can't even imagine the convenience and fun, joy that just being able to whip it out and use it must bring a man. I have many intact friends, and the things they tell me are completely heart wrenching. I know inside me I have been so badly robbed compared to them. I feel very disappointed and deeply, deeply sad. The grief is existential in my case, not Something that can ever be fixed, despite extensive, year long attempts at foreskin restoration, which is bloody hard work.

Something professionals can't measure, and I can't measure is the psychological damage and mental damage. I can never say what type of person I would be if my brain hadn't been subject to mgm, extreme pain, during and after the mutilation happened, and also the reality catch up I had to make at 18/19 years old, plus all those school years which could have been very different, if i didn't have that happen to me. I have a intact sibling and their life trajectories have been a hell of a lot smoother, same for cousins, same for acquaintances. I can't say how much it may damaged my reasoning, empathy, pain tolerance, resilience, and other human traits. The version of me that never existed, the intact me, pains me everyday. If it was up to my mother, she would've left me intact, she tells me. But unfortunately my dad is really quite in favour of circumcision, even to this day. And he is quite knowledgeable as a person, is quite smart... but unfortunately chose to do something horrible. His choice will follow me to the grave. It's the impossibility of knowing what a natural foreskin feels like, that hurts now, but will hurt even more later in life, when I'm closer to death, or when I experience loss, which every human does. Nothing will make up for this - but when I tell people around me, I am just made to feel like a fool. My father and I barely have a relationship anymore, and it is on worsening terms all the time.

I have been quite unhappy, distressed, depressed mainly, for many many years now and am really heartbroken with the way it played out for me. My foreskin would've changed my life, in a immeasurable way. The ambiguous grief, and injustice hurts so badly. I want justice for that terrible event, that my own parent manufactured for me. I know I will never get it.

Thank you to this community for being there for me and reading my post. It hurts, and of course it will continue to, but I am not alone in my suffering, the sense of community this sub brings me is enormous. It did keep me going. I try not to give this topic much thought, it pulls me down and makes me very upset and hopeless, but the last few weeks I have just felt total despair. I know i will die without ever having a whole penis.

Anyone else like this? I hate the feeling of sadness and deep grief, frustration I feel. I know my life would have been so different. Having that skin would've been so life changing, I know it would have felt very very good and fun. No matter what happens to intact men, they always have all their pleasure and joy with them, through their life. I could still live another 60 years never experiencing what I was born with. I know that to restore is the best way, I do that, even if I really dislike it.

I feel shame and sadness, because I was completely cursed. My father is the one responsible for this, he took it all away, he ruined my sexual and psychological life when he did this. He ruined parts of me that will never come back. He made the deliberate decision to cut off parts of me. What's my foreskin got to do with him? If he was jealous, it isn't my issue. I have grown to hate the bastard, he has ruined my life, not just because of this, but this is the big reason. Where I am, the health service doesn't do circumcision. You have to request it, clinic shopping, and take your son there. My dad was happy to pay out of pocket for it. It's amazing how determined he was, driving very far with me to have it done to me.

My mum did try and stop it happening, she tells me after all these years. But she said he was a very nasty person and threatened to kidnap and take me away to his home country, along with taking her daughter away and her bank cards. He is quite a successful person, if you don't mind me sharing, very rich, owns a very nice place and vehicles, but an absolute bastard. A pathetic man

Hope he reads any of my posts and realises how heartbroken I am, although it makes no difference. He's not even a good or proper Muslim, eating pork, drinking beer... but yeah sure do something that doesn't affect you at all, just sacrifice me instead. Men around me are simply natural. There's an air of indifference to circumcision because it's just not a issue men have to think about here, in a large quantity of men. There was zero chance for me and others here to be intact, which is extremely unfair in the 21st century society. Who knows what I could have been, with all my penis, none of the adversity circumcision brings. I would have been a different person. My life would have been much, much better. Unfortunately my father took it all away. I lost relationship opportunities because of circumcision- i lost the chance to properly love and feel connection on a primal level. This can never be undone to a big extent. It is a crushing feeling. I'm completely heartbroken.

Hello everyone, I'm in the south of England, and what strikes me, is that along with the absolutely blistering, constant heat, harsh sunlight *( i consider a summer day below 25 in these months as cool, relatively speaking, and there just aren't many of those here) is that it just doesn't seem to rain anymore in the summer months. I do miss those summer days with rain, it's such a shame, also the grass is brown in all the parks around me, in gardens etc. Are our summers just destined to be somewhat Mediterranean from now on, with these constant, hot days, with little cloud cover? I haven't seen a proper rainy day in weeks, maybe even over a month?

I'm very worried for the future. It sucks that this is going to be our normal from now on.

That's it. I just hate it. I hate waking up every morning, and being alive. I hate the fact I'm totally stuck, in a shitty lifestyle, with no prospects, hope, money, or anything to give me any hope. I'm so pissed off an depressed about this reality. I have not many people around me, which makes it worse. I have been around long enough to know my life won't improve at all. I resent the fact I have no hope. I resent the fact I have nothing to live for. I'm very tired of dealing with problems. I can safely say I've never been happy. I am existing, not living. I feel regret, grief, and big disappointment that my life is such a miserable existence. I either want some hope soon or the misery to stop.

Sometimes it is extremely difficult to deal with the disappointment, sadness that this brings me. I really,really desperately want my original penis back, everyone here does. It is so unfair I will die mutilated because, well my dad just wanted a circumcised son, instead of a intact one. I wish that during intimate moments, my enjoyment would match that of a intact partner. I wish my skin was still there. It would have been so comforting, life changing in the best sense, to have a foreskin, every day. I would have lived a much happier life. I just wish I knew what it felt like. Those feelings will be with me forever. I feel jealous, envious, sad, heartbroken is the word I always use. It is soul crushing. It hurts me deep inside. It's a huge, horrible heavy pain on my heart.

Unfortunately I was born into the wrong family, tragically, and then it happened. Most of my peers have a foreskin, and it's absurd, unusual to be cut where I am. It's a sickening feeling. I hate the alien feeling of being cut here. I hate that masturbation will never feel good, or enjoyable. It makes me hopeless and sad most days, I deeply wish I didn't have to feel this way. I just feel so heartbroken and sad. I know my foreskin would have been a valuable part of me, and it would have felt absolutely amazing. The injustice hurts. I spent so many years mourning and hoping for justice, but I will never get my original penis back. I can't accept it. It just feels so unfair. I will never even know who did it to me. I have two intact siblings(sisters lol) and I feel so unlucky when I think i could've been them. They never even had to think about losing part of their genitalia. They never had to deal with physical damage to their sex organ, brain(of which circumcision damages) to their emotional wellbeing. It feels terrible. Every day I want self pleasure, but it's gone. I look down at my penis and it is frustration and heartbreaking all the time. I can't accept it and I feel so sad. Normally I deal with the feelings, but I just feel so upset and deeply disappointed and very sad. I consider myself unlucky, and sexually inferior to the men around me, not that there's some competition. I want to be whole, natural, happy, and in touch with my body to 100%. I want to have maximum pleasure like nature meant. I could go into detail about what i want my penis to feel like when I am doing things sexually, but everyone already knows. I will never know and so the grief sits inside me forever. How can my own dad have wronged me like this, the cunt? If only he was a good enough bloke to leave me intact, but he just couldn't help but cut parts of me off. We spoke a long time ago and having a son that had a foreskin was not something he wanted. Nothing helps, I just feel so upset and heartbroken, like most of the time. I hate how my cock is and how it will be for the rest of my life. Restoring helps, but it will never really come close to healing me. Support, empathy, understanding is in very short supply even in a intact country, people just aren't interested in human rights for men or our feelings as a collective.

Hello everyone, it's is me again. I am very sorry to return here, but i must ask, in light of all this store assurance visits and stuff and just usual management pressure, how do you all deal with management pressure and occasional negative comments?

You see, I was moved last autumn, and unfortunately I am very poor at my new role within sainsbury's(it also causes me stress and mental, physical problems due to the nature of the tasks and a brain problem I have developed) I was asked to go and cover a department for 1 week due to other staff complaining about a high workload, meaning that during a transitional phase, I was asked to step in. A manager left (the one that asked me to cover) and a new one came in, to oversee operations, but as they told me, not to get very involved in the department as they had other more important things to do. I respect the management and their choices. In sainsbury's, my managers work with a very high level of professionalism and care, and they embody the sainsbury's values. So, i have nothing against them. However, every time this department needs help, i am put there, which i try to do, but I'm terrible at it, and it causes me great distress, including physical and emotional toll. Also, I feel as though there has been real unfairness in the way I was lied to at the beginning, the fact that if roles were reversed and I needed help, i would never get it, so the inconsistency bugs me, and also in the fact other trained, better quality, stronger, wiser, more experienced and knowledgeable and capable staff could easily go there, but management don't put them there. I understand, they don't want to work under pressure or stress and will shy away from this department.

But, verbally, and in written terms(I still have all these documents) I was only meant to be there for 1 week. However, nearly a year later, I am still there. And I must say I knew from the beginning that I would struggle due to this role being a extremely tough one, and one that out of 50 staff, only 3 will do it alongside me, which means little to no cover. It's a very public facing, demanding department with a lot of pressure and stress and extreme deadlines, and lone working. It also affects my body significantly due to handling certain items which can be hazardous, meaning extreme anxiety occurs, making the time pressure even worse, because I'm cleaning myself up after most tasks.

I also receive shorter hours than other employees on this department(smaller contract, I don't blame anyone) so, I have all their jobs to do in less hours. Also, I never had a training or probation period there to confirm I could definitely do all the work(which i can't, there are several tasks i just can't do well and need help, but there is no support available) and I never did a full 2 week training course with the department. I have asked for full day and night training but have been told the hours just aren't present for that. There were serious hour cuts to this role several times in the past years, meaning lone working is the norm and pretty much standard.

My manager has recently become very critical of me(which i understand and accept), saying" you really need to do much better here, at the moment it isn't good enough, task x and x isn't done and customers are asking me for this" and " come on, hurry up, you're very slow" and the latest being " I'm not having a go at you, but this is the worst I've ever seen this department be, it's a f*cking joke" however, they offer no coaching and don't seek to identify the root cause of the problem(which I don't know either) also, customers are brutal in this public facing role, I would go so far as to say they even harass the staff on this department and behave in a intimidating manner which is really not good for my mental wellbeing.

and to top it off, as i feared at the start of this venture, I have received several disciplinaries for not being able to complete tasks on time leading to negative consequences. I am extremely scared for my employment with the company despite a medium ter partnership we already shared.

There was no negotiation or communication about these dramatic changes to my employment, just one day written and verbal confirmation " you're going here tomorrow, just for this week" but then, that was that and my fate was set.

How do you all deal with the manager criticism and disappointment and anger that sometimes they may have towards you in your jobs? I have gone away and thought about it and I have realised it's impossible to be a better colleague, so it is a very, very sad situation.

Things feel very hopeless, I just wish things were different. I lost so many opportunities and chances, and have wasted over 22 years on earth. I live with my mother, who is quite controlling. I feel very frustrated with her, she basically chooses what job I do - i had to turn down 2 job offers( 2 very good job offers) in the last year because she kicked up a stink about me working a difficult job, where I will live - she says we'll only move somewhere where she can be close to work - forgetting it makes life difficult for me. She uses benefits on a holiday of her choice, she is so defensive, I try to talk to her and get her approval to do things - like going out after 8:30pm, walking in the dark, I need her approval to learn to drive but she says it's too dangerous for me to drive and that I would probably cause a accident, or lose my temper. I fancy a holiday abroad but she won't let me travel. I would like to go out to a pub one night, i have one friend, but she strongly is against the idea of me going to the pub or even drinking alcohol. I requested to buy beer for home, or even open one champagne that was given to us as a gift, but she refused to let me open it and hid it. I feel trapped around her, she refuses to listen to me or my concerns, saying" I've done everything for you, and you blame me".

She said if you learn to drive, you will make a terrible mistake and that it could lead to negative consequences.

I had savings to move out of this situation and live a happier life but had to pay these savings to someone else based on a dispute at home. That person who promised me they would look after my money(upto £45,000) and save it for me, one person that my mother trusted, unfortunately spent it all and didn't save a penny, meaning I lived off about £50 a month. I feel sad, humiliated, trapped, angry, exhausted, frustrated at my shitty existence,and furious as well... I see no way out of my horrible life. I barely earn enough to hope of a better life. I want to be very happy and enjoy myself, and everything is going wrong. The rest of the family can't speak any English, so I have only limited communication with them, so no one helps.

That's how it feel. Absolutely hopeless, miserable, angry, disappointed, sad, cross, guilty about my pathetic existence. My life ended years ago, I just exist, but I hate living. I hate being trapped in a shitty life with Absolutely no hope or prospects. No one can help me either, I've had enough of life