u/memenaptime

Another day, another social media pregnancy announcement. Sucks. All content from here on out will be about procreation.

To those people: You were so cool when I met you!!! So smart with the world at your fingertips!! I wish I could see more badass things you would have done if you weren’t a parent :/ I’ll hold it down for both of us I guess.

I'm going to try posting this again from a calmer headspace so hopefully it doesn't get removed. I think it fits the sub because it is a discussion "on the topic of being childfree by choice in a society that is centered around motherhood."

Every year, especially lately due to the ages and stages of my social media friends and I, mothers post excessively about voting for their child for Baby of the Year or some other baby contests. It's weird to me to plaster babies' faces on social media and turn them into a prop or mechanism to make money.

I’m not participating in the cultural expectation that everyone should automatically find this adorable and want to participate. Obviously the parent is going to feel like their baby is the cutest of all and the most deserving of some modeling gig and cash... but I don’t understand why everyone else is expected to join in on validating that belief.

Parenthood and children are not the organizing factors of my life, so I don't like when I’m still expected to participate in everyone else’s parenthood. It’s the expectation of participation that gets me. I don’t want children to occupy the same amount of social and emotional space in my life as they do for parents. I opted out of that framework, yet sometimes it feels like there’s no actual opting out because motherhood and children are continually presented as things women are supposed to find fascinating.

So while one may scoff at how something so tiny bothers me... I think it's a small manifestation of the big cultural assumption that every woman inherently wants to (or should want to) look at, care for, and adore babies.

As an aside, I think this is also why it annoys me when I go to my women's health appointments and see giant canvases of babies all over the waiting room. Some of us women want health care centered on OURSELVES.

Hopefully that's better said than last time. Thanks for the space to vent.

I was recently diagnosed with a condition for which my doctor has recommended a hysterectomy so that I don't develop cancer. I am getting a second opinion in a couple weeks. Honestly, throughout the whole process, I was so relieved that a hysterectomy would be available to me. For one, to keep me from getting cancer. But two, it will relieve me of so much societal pressure I am feeling as a 30F right now. I know that saying "I'm childfree and don't want children" is enough. But being able to say "I will not and cannot have children" feels safer to me... like I feel so safe that if I get this hyst, I am not at risk of pregnancy. I will just feel... free. I avoid sex so much because I am terrified of and honestly repulsed by pregnancy (for me).

The thing is, every time I tell my family or friends about this, the response is total despair, "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry" or "You can always adopt/foster!" I tell people, "Thank you for saying that, but I am happy with this outcome." The way people react is as if I told them someone has died. It pisses me off. The only person who has been happy and understanding about this is my amazing mother. She always makes me feel like I am enough as her daughter, whole without motherhood, and supportive of my every decision. I am very grateful to have her.

Lastly, I love children. I am an auntie to several and take my role seriously. I try to set an example of a woman thriving and doing things differently than society insists. I want to be a woman in their lives who they admire and trust. I love them dearly.

Anyway, I'll let ya'll know if that hyst happens! Love this community, enjoy your weekends 💋

I'm new here and just want to share my experience and find community. I moved in with my uncle to help out during/after some family trauma a few years ago. I was also in grad school at the time. My uncle works at a liquor store. He also drinks alcohol daily, starting around lunchtime on his days off through his nightcap. He shows his love and appreciation for me by bringing me home fun new drinks from work. When everything was happening in our family I was extremely stressed and just kind of fell into my uncle's drinking routine. I would have a glass of wine every night. Sometimes two. Sometimes a canned cocktail and then a glass of wine. Sometimes just the canned cocktail.

3:30 would hit and I would feel so antsy waiting for an acceptable time to have my first glass. I feel like I am rejecting my uncle's love by leaving the drinks he gets for me untouched. I know to him he probably doesn't feel this way, but I do. Anyway, I loved getting buzzed every night. Sometimes I would send DMs on Instagram as if I'm everybody's close friend and then I'd think the next morning, dang, it's probably obvious I had a glass of wine when I sent that message. I didn't like that feeling. Eventually, though, I didn't really feel buzzed with my usual beverage(s) of choice and while I wanted that feeling again, something about 3 drinks in one night felt wrong to me.

Then the body changes. I've always been physically fit and somewhat active, but during the family stress and since I moved in with my uncle I stopped moving my body. I also have a sedentary job. I gained almost 20lbs, which really bothered me. I knew a good chunk of my calories were coming from alcohol. I hated how I felt. For the first time in my life I hated how my body looked. Over the past few years I'd start and stop fitness programs. I would start off by logging my calories from alcohol, then I'd slowly stop logging, then it was just back to my usual habits.

I have had 2 alcoholic beverages since the beginning of the month. It was at one celebratory dinner. I didn't even feel a buzz. My head felt all pressurized and I knocked out when I got home and didn't even get to enjoy the rest of my evening. The drinks tasted good I won't lie. But it just didn't do it for me. The ultimate test was the next evening... would I have a glass of wine? I didn't crave one, so I didn't pour one. I have also been exercising again and my macros have been great. I'm hoping this isn't another fail. I won't let it be.

One thing that has helped me is using principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I identified my values, as well as what the version of me would look like who lived according to those values. I identified specific behaviors that would bring me either toward or away that version of me. When I have a craving or consider drinking for the heck of it, that is my choice point. I can choose to enact the behaviors that are aligned with my values, or not. I find when I take that moment to envision the person I want to (and know I can) be, I feel motivated to make choices that bring me closer to that reality. And in doing so, I am the version of me that I want to be.

Have you always been a lip balm person? I ask because my mom recently reminded me of a story about when I went to visit my dad for the summer when I was about 10. While I was gone, my mom deep cleaned my room and found like 42 various lip products in every crack and crevice of my room. I also used to have a routine when I was a toddler where I'd ask my mom for "music, nightlight, chapstick" before bed. Always had to end with the chapstick. I'm not sure how it started either. I do remember my dad always offering me his Carmex as a kid. Either way, I still love lip products to this day. My absolute favorite lip balm is the Elf Holy Hydration Lip Mask. I slather it on every night.

I'd love to hear your stories about how your love of lip balm began!