u/meowandnyaetc

content warning: describing some delusion-adjacent beliefs and mental health stuff

tldr: therapist called something i told her a delusion when i am under the impression its ptsd/ocd related and i just want to know if anyone can relate or suggest if i should entertain the idea. the specific thing is (sometimes) strongly feeling like my partner is another person (like a specific other person, or replaced or something i guess.) details and other experiences below

im 28, and since i was like 9 i have experienced some form of mental health problems. i got depressed and very anxious early on, then when i was 13 or so i started being afraid that i was in a coma and being experimented on by aliens. when i was 16 during a kind of breakdown i Thought i saw a curtain flutering across my room and it really freaked me out, and then college was basically i didnt leave my dorm room and eventually dropped out bc i started being afraid that i was being stalked and going to be killed by aliens/monsters/some organization. also i have thought i was god-adjacent and i struggle with religion because it tends to make me spiral back into that kind of thing. i sometimes can Sense presences such as big dogs which are like shadow wolves but not something i actually see. i feel like im being surrounded, and i feel like the facade of reality starts to break a bit, like myself and my surroundings feel Wrong and not real and i used to think i needed to die to escape. but i am good at ignoring and getting past it now, i feel it and it scares me but i dont start freaking out.

historically the diagnosis has been anxiety or schizoaffective/psychosis but my dxs over the recent past couple years have been OCD and a a dissociative disorder which has fit better and besides i thought it covered everything, like i feeeel like the ptsd/dpdr could explain half and OCD the other half. but today in therapy i brought up sometimes feeling like my partner is actually a totally different person and she immediately started talking about psychosis and calling it a delusion.

i think about once when i went to the walk in crisis clinic (which i was going to the whole week) when we were getting nowhere the lady i spoke to brought in a psychiatrist who Just So Happened to open with and Also Believe in alternate realities even though i didnt bring that up to the first lady. what we talked about actually did really help til i figured out later she was lying to me.

anyway. point is, besides a few other incidents that could have real rational explanations (and only happened once or twice ie door handles shaking at night, music that sounds like its next to me but idk where its playing from) i dont think ive ever actually hallucinated.

i tend to get stuck on stuff like this (the ocd and dislike of uncertainty) and im a bit upset about psychosis being revisited so i thought maybe someone could give me input on if any of this is relatable or if im making a big deal of a therapist who doesnt know what shes talking about.

so sorry this is so long. thank you if you read this lol

sorry if this has been asked, i couldnt find the specific answer i was looking for

i tried the alber e motions today and thought they were very cool. i love that they extend pushes and i got up a hill and over pavement cracks no problem. however im worried about bigger pavement issues like for example between 0.5-3 inches raised that i have to do a little wheelie to get over, like just up and down really quick. i was told you cant really wheelie with these on, and am unsure if that means ill have to go on the road or something if the sidewalk requires me to hop something or if it refers to actually holding a wheelie.

ill be trying a smart drive soon but was put off when i tried it last as it was defective and basically didnt work at all. i dont want to have to fiddle with something to move and dont love having to hold the rims hard to change direction. so ultimately id love to go with the e motions but i dont want to get stuck because of bad pavement lol. any insight?

hope ok to ask here lmk if not. bg: im 27, and currently working w did specialist. content warning: talking about sex (18+ only please.) and mentioning csa adjacent memories, tho nothing is detailed

a couple years ago i started struggling with sex p much out of nowhere because i would start feeling either like i am a child and it feels Wrong and Bad because of that, or i would have the overwhelming feeling that my partner is someone they shouldnt be ie my parental abuser and i get so grossed out and cant separate the image. important note, i am 99.9% sure i have no reason to believe that i am actually having flashbacks or pulling up memories, because i dont believe i ever experienced csa, its just that anything sexual can trigger either feeling. so im not sure how to approach this. its been a really long time like a year+ since ive been able to comfortably engage in anything and i fear the more i avoid it the worse the fear gets and also the more it happens the worse the fear Also gets. so . :| . any insight..? or just empathy. i dont know how to talk about this it feels so Weird to experience.