u/mercy_kill_away

You know how people say they feel more motivated or inspired to get work or goals done when their friends and family are around to support them? Yeah, I've never had this and I wonder if anyone else relates?

I'm not very motivated in general anyway, but it gets worse if people are around me. It's not that I find their encouragement patronising or anything, or I fear disappointing them either, which are common assumptions I've been asked when expressing this issue.

If they complimented me vs disapproved of me I'd actually feel roughly the same; positive and negative attention both just engulf my energy.

I have been motivated by people's achievements in rare cases, but they were always strangers I didn't know. Personal I don't think I ever have.

Ever since I cut contact from everyone I know, my motivation did get a little better. Not much, but I did notice a pattern. My default is being alone, I guess.

I'll never really get why nor do I care, but it was insane behavior. It started at pickup when I was in elementary and AP would approach their parents and straight up threaten them and their child (insulting the child too) to stay away from me and bitch about how they were awful and whatever. It was so embarrassing because I got seen as some elitist snob for the rest of elementary 🤦‍♂️ I feel so bad for the kids and their parents. I had friends who understood that it wasn't my fault for my parent's behavior, but had to stay away for their own safety too.

I've heard the theory of parents wanting to unconsciously isolate their kids, but I'm not sure.

I used to get the former assumed often, but the root of any anxiety I have is not within the social sphere.

The latter I haven't, but I've seen many users share experiences of being mistaken for autistics in some responses on this sub. It doesn't help that due to the trendiness of it people are quick to label symptoms like flat affect and lack of social warmth as autism when they could be all sorts of things, from plain old introversion to shyness to schizo-spec to any level of trauma etc.

And do you relate somewhat to the assumptions?

As a teenager a long while ago, I did wonder if I had autism once, along with a bunch of other things I was trying to check to figure out what was the issue with me. Got screened a few times and came out shockingly low with doctors saying it was extremely unlikely. I thought I'd at have at least a small false positive considering the external similarities, like flat affect, lack of socialisation, but I didn't fit any of the actual criteria A at the root lol

This isn't an uncommon experience and I know plenty of other people or types can relate too for all sorts of reasons but I'm curious here as well

For me I did and I wonder if it's due to me having a "rejection" relation towards the world and at least adults kept it asymmetrical by expecting less of me, cost less energy.

title

Feeling like you don't belong anywhere is common with loneliness and anxiety but most experiences I've read desire to belong, meanwhile I have never wanted to.

I didn't hate it either, nor was I confused on why others wanted it. I just was happy where I was and happy that they were happy where they were.

I tend to get assumptions that I secretly long to be part of a community or that I'm only like this because of endless rejection but I don't relate. I wasn't rejected much or excluded. Now that I think about it growing up I was included more, just preferred the peace and control of doing things alone

That's the post I guess