u/mesageinabottle22

I absolutely love the LGBTQ community, genuinely, every letter has some amazing people with beautiful souls. Lately, though, I feel like we are being so alienated? So many people in the community talk down on us, mainly some bisexuals and some gay men.

Sometimes it feels like that scene in Modern Family where Cam and Mitchel are talking about how gay men and lesbians can’t relate at all, and the venn diagram is two separate circles (or whatever they said, it’s been a while). I want to feel like I can connect with the rest of the community, and I can with a few people, but… Lately I just feel like I want to find new community with only lesbians.

There are so many angles of it, too. Outright insulting us, trying to change the definition of lesbian and getting mad when we push back, getting mad at our dating preferences (for some reason). There are so many spaces I’m in where I don’t even want to correct people anymore, because I just get trashed.

For example: One time I said that a character is a lesbian (she’s only dated women, shown no interest in men, and the actress said she sees her as a lesbian). People denied it over and over and said I can’t assume, and she could be bisexual. Why do they have to have EVERYTHING??? People would never assume a character who has only ever been with men and shown no interest in women is bisexual. It’s reserved for us 99% of the time.

This is a discussion, I want to hear your experiences too. It’s also kind of half a rant, lol.

Last year I lost my dad in a really sudden and painful way (it wasn’t sudden, but by the time we found out about it, it was). It was kind of a unique situation because when he was dying we found out the scope of his lies, and it was a huge betrayal to the whole family. He hid an addiction from the while family for probably 15+ years. Looking back, it makes sense. We knew something was wrong but we didn’t know it was that.

He was a bad dad for years, but there was a time when he was a pretty good one. A long, long time ago. I’m grieving him, but I’m also so angry. I’m so, so angry. He genuinely had everything handed to him, and opportunity for a great life and an opportunity to be really close with his kids. He just threw it away. But there’s also times when I just miss him and I’m so desperate to know him in the way I never did. A long time ago he was an artist, not in my lifetime. He was in a band, just all kinds of things that we never got to properly talk about. And then I get angry again because I know it was his own fault.

Somehow I feel guilty for both parts. When I’m angry I feel like I should be sad, and when I’m sad I feel like I should be angry. Is grief always this confusing?

The only person I’ve felt comfortable talking about it with is my mom, because nobody else really understands the experience. It just adds to the confusion. I could never explain it well while he was alive, therapists would dismiss my concerns. Because I didn’t know why he was the way he was, now I do. I’ve lost friends because I’ve been going through a lot. I don’t know what I’m asking at this point, just for advice or support I guess.