u/mildlysadcat_

I'm a more recent diagnosis, but I swear -- it's like every day, I learn more and more about how my empathy is genuinely fucked.

I suppose that's a little bit of an overstatement; it is very selective in a sense that I'll be sad over animals and fictional characters having a hard time (maybe sometimes people I see on the internet that I relate to, though it's rare), but other than that, I really, really, really hate having to care about/worry about/console other people's emotions.

Even just pretending is a pain in the ass. I made a comment on someone else's post a week ago about how, at work, this postpartum woman started bawling in the middle of the store because she was fat and nothing fit. All of my coworkers/managers were crowding around her, but I only joined in because it seemed appropriate. I didn't even say anything; I stood there and smiled when necessary and felt relieved when she left.

Then, very recently, a childhood friend that I had parted ways with during high school came back. We sort of had a deep discussion, and I personally enjoyed talking about my struggles and my side of the story while she commented on it, but during her turn, I did not give a damn and was just eating my sandwich.

And just now, an online friend I recently made said she was having a bad day. I knew that saying, "I'm here if you need to talk," was socially acceptable, so I said it, but I really hope she doesn't. She's probably just gonna talk about her boyfriend and her friends anyway, none of which I care about because it seems like she's complaining about her wonderful life. People like me don't even have social relationships irl, and she has the gall to say stuff like that? Fuck that.

The cherry on top? For YEARS, my grandiose fantasies had me depicted as this caring, generous empath that everyone would praise for that reason, and I really fucking thought that I'm not out here with shit affective empathy.

Like holy crap, am I an ass. What the hell even happened for me to get this way?

Edit: omg, I can't believe I forgot to list down the time I tried making an online friend, and they said they wanted to stop talking to me because I made it too much about my emotions and extremely one-sided LMAO... But in my defense, my therapist said being vulnerable is how you make strong connections, and I was in fact being vulnerable.

Sorry if this isn’t allowed, Mods, you can just delete it.

Another birthday, another year closer to death, which is quite frankly taking too fucking long.

Unlike people on their birthday posts who say, “it’s been a crazy year,” I unfortunately have nothing to show for myself. Of course, nothing other than being diagnosed as a vulnerable narc. I guess that somewhat counts.

I don’t know why it took this many years to realize what I am. Hell, I even thought that I had AvPD instead, but turns out I’m just not the regular type of narc most people imagine when someone has NPD. Not to mention, I have zero aura and in a perpetual state of collapse, so I’m very far from what’s considered a “good narc.”

It’s kind of twisted though, isn’t it? I was put on this Earth years ago on this day as an ugly, average human being with no talent, a shitty personality, and no charm. Yet, sometime during my early childhood, I develop narcissism WITHOUT the weaponry equipped to farm supply, leaving me with zilch. I’m beginning to think that I did something wrong in my last life and was given divine punishment in this one. And instead of getting into an accident/being depressed enough to start nonexistence, they made it so that I’ll stay here long enough to suffer my entire life.

I guess I won’t let that stop me from enjoying myself today, though. As I write this, I’m getting ready to head to the mall and take advantage of birthday rewards (because, you know — massive companies who don’t even know my name are the only ones nice enough to give me a gift). I’m also gonna be using my employee discount at the store I work and stacking it on top of my birthday reward too, so it’ll be great. I’ll even drop off cupcakes for my coworkers so that they’ll be forced to care about my birthday.

Please wish me a happy birthday or something, idk.

Edit: shout out to the one dude on this sub that remembered to greet me btw. They actually greeted me a day early, but I assume it’s timezone differences. I’m still grateful 👍

I used to have a bunch of online friends back when I was a kid on this app called Amino. Now as an adult who has been self-isolating for about 5 years, I’m feeling extremely isolated. I find it difficult trying to make friends irl no matter how much I try, and I believe starting online might be better for me since hiding behind a cute pfp feels like I don’t have to share too much about my crumbling reality.

Here’s some more information about me:

* I’m moreso looking for female friends rn. Nothing wrong with guys — I just don’t know if I’d get along with them as well because I don’t usually have male friends.

* I’m a college student. Summer just started, and I’m taking a gap semester, so I’ll have a lot of time to chat.

* I work part-time at a clothing store in my local mall. Yes, I love clothes and fashion.

* I’m a Southeast Asian immigrant who moved to the USA when I was 12.

* My hobbies consist of video gaming, cooking, writing roleplay, watching anime, and I guess listening to music.

* I know about quite a lot of games! I watch YouTube playthroughs very frequently, but I’m broke, so I don’t actually get to play them irl.

* The games I’ve actually been able to play are: Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Persona 5 and Persona 5 Strikers, Some Pokémon Switch games, and The Sims 4. I’m currently saving up to get Tomodachi Life LTD, a Switch 2, Pokopia, and Persona 3 Reload. I’m almost at my goal!

* I would consider myself an advanced lit to novella writing roleplayer. I’ve been writing since I was 11, but I’m currently not looking for new partners.

* My favorite animes are a tie between Saiki K and Ouran High School Host Club. I mainly watch romance, drama, comedy, and slice of life stuff.

* I listen to K-pop, J-pop, and P-pop. K-pop’s been getting a bit boring to listen to these days, though, so I’m thinking about expanding into other genres, like from other SEA countries.

* I feel like I’m required to tell you that I have some mental diagnoses on my back. I’m not afraid to disclose them, but I won’t be doing that here. That being said, I’d like to apologize for all the mistakes I’ll probably be making.

That’s it. I hope I’ve shared enough.

Ik I’m not the most exciting person, but it’d be great to find someone who catches my vibe. I’d love to play games, do voice chats, etc. I don’t mind being invited to be with other people either as long as they’re friendly. Above all, I just want to feel like I’m cared about and appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

I used to have a bunch of online friends back when I was a kid on this app called Amino. Now as an adult who has been self-isolating for about 5 years, I’m feeling extremely isolated. I find it difficult trying to make friends irl no matter how much I try, and I believe starting online might be better for me since hiding behind a cute pfp feels like I don’t have to share too much about my crumbling reality.

Here’s some more information about me:

* I’m a college student. Summer just started, and I’m taking a gap semester, so I’ll have a lot of time to chat.

* I work part-time at a clothing store in my local mall. Yes, I love clothes and fashion.

* I’m a Southeast Asian immigrant who moved to the USA when I was 12.

* My hobbies consist of video gaming, cooking, writing roleplay, watching anime, and I guess listening to music.

* I know about quite a lot of games! I watch YouTube playthroughs very frequently, but I’m broke, so I don’t actually get to play them irl.

* The games I’ve actually been able to play are: Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Persona 5 and Persona 5 Strikers, Some Pokémon Switch games, and The Sims 4. I’m currently saving up to get Tomodachi Life LTD, a Switch 2, Pokopia, and Persona 3 Reload. I’m almost at my goal!

* I would consider myself an advanced lit to novella writing roleplayer. I’ve been writing since I was 11, but I’m currently not looking for new partners.

* My favorite animes are a tie between Saiki K and Ouran High School Host Club. I mainly watch romance, drama, comedy, and slice of life stuff.

* I listen to K-pop, J-pop, and P-pop. K-pop’s been getting a bit boring to listen to these days, though, so I’m thinking about expanding into other genres, like from SEA countries.

* I feel like I’m required to tell you that I have some mental diagnoses on my back. I’m not afraid to disclose them, but I won’t be doing that here. That being said, I’d like to apologize for all the mistakes I’ll probably be making.

That’s it. I hope I’ve shared enough.

Ik I’m not the most exciting person, but it’d be great to find someone who catches my vibe. I’d love to play games, do voice chats, etc. I don’t mind being invited to be with other people either as long as they’re friendly. Above all, I just want to feel like I’m cared about and appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

discordapp doesn’t allow it, neither does discordfriends, and Discord_Servers_List is just a bunch of advertisements.

I don’t want people to sell me something or give me a list of probably inactive servers to look through — I want to hear from their lived experiences. I especially think that it would be helpful since my goal at the end of the day is to make friends.