Rant: I’m getting sick of an autistic guy (adult) who ‘behaves’ like a child but I can see right through him. I’m concerned for another friend.
HOW do certain autistic men seem to get away with disgusting behaviours?
For context, I have a relatively new (6 months ish) friend. She’s honestly such a delightful person to be around. She struggles socially due to being isolated but she’s really really trying to put herself out there. She’s joining in with social meet ups (albeit quietly). She’s asked for support to go thrift shopping and how to speak to hairdressers (which we’ve done and was so fun!). She’s open yet still reserved in a way that’s really empowering and brave. I’ve got all the time in the world for her and I’m honestly so f*cking proud of the personal progress she’s making. (Let’s call her Lisa for privacy).
There’s one particular guy (who just attends meet ups). He’s got an extremely warped view on women in general. The guy spends far too much time online, makes side comments about women and actually gives me really bad vibes. I’ve chosen not to interact with him outside of the ASD spaces, I have minimal tolerance for the b*llshit he gets away with.
Consistent comments around women’s body’s, “pity me” vibes, always needing to make everything about himself yet ‘acting’ oblivious and ignorant when other women call him out on it.
He’s started telling EVERYONE except Lisa that he has a crush on her. He whispers to others about his ‘need’ to make her see he’s the perfect guy for her. He finishes with “don’t tell her, I’m shy” every time. Spoiler alert: his shyness is b*llshit.
He actively goes out of his way to turn up at spaces he’s said he won’t be at and bombards her with questions. Lisa does need extra help, she’s open and honest about her anxiety.
All I can see is that he has a hidden agenda, hidden behind a facade of “woe is me, I’m more disabled than anyone here”. This guy is eloquent in his speech, he’s able to voice his opinions to everyone EXCEPT her.
Lisa has said she feels as though he’s communicating that he’s in a similar social anxiety state as her but when she’s not around, he’s more than capable of trying to control everyone around him with a strong sense of entitlement.
Today he said “she should realise I’m the one for her”. Lisa has no idea that he has intentions to persue her.
A few of us have said that he’s not what he portrays himself to be, he’s gets very angry and quickly switches to being upset when he’s called out on his behaviour.
I see right through his controlling demeanour. My best friend (a guy) also sees through it too. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around him as his constant need to say “I deserve” is unfair. Hes too open about his negative views to everyone EXCEPT her.
It’s as though he suddenly acts “confused” and “of a higher level of support need” around ONLY her.
How do I tell her? I feel I need to say something. Please tell me what you would say so I can think it through and do it in the safest way.