u/millennialpink_03

I started a role as a project manager after a number years in a completely unrelated role. My first project was leading an entity migration project (hundreds of legal entities) and thousands of thousands of documents. We also wanted to do this as a business transformation - eliminate manual processes and emails across all departments across the firm, not just the legal team.

Hired a an experienced contractor with experience doing these types of projects (a project manager). I do not have any experience in the subject matter. I expected him to give me updates and to course correct and escalate and so he did the work. Things seemed to be going fine (there were missed mini milestones but we were so far out that I didn’t think they were major). This was his entire role. My role is this plus a number of other projects that I’m actually the executor for. Now all of a sudden we are 4-5 weeks out and I’m noticing errors, more missed deadlines and by the time I realized I needed to actually go and inspect his work it was too late. Everything got escalated to my executive sponsor and I got a massive come-down-to-earth moment.

I’m panicking every day because I usually expect a lot out of myself and everyone believed that I could do it, but the subject matter was so wholly out of my depth (data, systems, I didn’t even know what an API was until I started this project). I expected my contractor to be my co-manager as he has probably 6-8 years of experience on me, but he was way less capable in this sense, and I didn’t catch it soon enough.

How do I get back on track with this project, let’s say I am taking over the execution part?? I cried all day. I’m so disappointed in myself, it was my responsibility.

My mom went into the hospital around June 10 for not being able to eat or drink. She was diagnosed with HGSOC ovarian cancer at stage 3C in October 2020. She fought it with everything she had. 10 lines of treatment.

She was all set to start her next line of treatment - Relicorilant and Abraxane on the 11th. Due to the immediate issue (and since Relicorilant is supposed to be taken orally) she had to get her strength so she was hooked up to TPN and afterwards had a surgery to put a stent in her urethra so she could pass urine more easily. Treatment was therefore delayed until the following week. And then delayed again while she got scans.

The scans came back and showed malignant bowel obstruction. We were hoping that it would clear but her oncologist was not hopeful and delivered us the news on the 23rd that more treatment would be harmful rather than helpful. This was whiplash. My mom cried and told the doctor point blank that she had extinguished her last hopes. I was not really willing to accept this at this point. I wanted to get more opinions so I asked for another, and quickly. I kicked into problem solving mode and even starting looking into hospitals out of state. That week my mother was quite chatty, she kicked into problem solving mode too and told us all the practicalities she wanted - her wishes for the things in the house, who would get her belongings, she even had a long talk with my partner about her properties and how to take care of them.

On Friday my partner asked for her and my dad’s blessings and they gave them with happiness.

On Saturday and Sunday, my mom really struggled with pain. She was still on TPN and she refused to have the NG tube which was put in in the weeks prior put back in. The palliative care doctors said that the tube would have alleviated the symptoms in her belly but she refused. She had visitors and we came to see her but she could barely speak to us, just had no energy and didn’t want the painkillers to prevent her symptoms from getting worse. She actually told us that once the entire family gathered, she wanted to say what she wanted to say to us and then she wanted to be sedated. She was like let’s get everyone together and then I want to go.

On Monday my aunt arrived from China and she was able to talk to her. Mom hadn’t been home for more than 2 weeks at that point. Kira, the cat who never greets anyone new, followed her around.

Mom was able to chat with her and I gave her so many massages and fed her sips of Guinness which she had learned to love. She was still in pain, and also into Tuesday, which is when my brother and his wife arrived from California.

We all laughed and gave her massages - one person at each leg/foot. That evening my uncle arrived from Germany. She decided to take her off TPN which would hopefully help with the distention in her belly.

The next morning my brother texted me and said “mommy’s in a super good mood today, she can eat watermelon and drink water, and she’s asking for summer fruits.” We rushed all over the city to gather fruits including her favorite Chinese fruits like lychee and longan. The entire day we spent with her laughing and talking and I got some truly radiant smiles out of her which I captured on video. She got more massages from us, and more sips of beer. She even sang some of her favorite songs to us. She told me I was her beautiful girl and to take care of my brother. She even said that tomorrow she’d like to get another waterless shampoo (for the amazing scalp massage!).

That evening we all went out to dinner and then came back to see my mommy. We spent more time with her, I gave her a kiss. I told her I’ll see you tomorrow, mommy. It was just after 9pm. I went home in such a good mood because it was the first good day out of the entire prior week of difficult days. I went to sleep more easily than I had in the days prior. My dad sent a message around 11pm to all of us and sajd “usually I’m here early to help mommy but because I’m sleeping over, you guys don’t have to rush tomorrow. Get a good night’s sleep.” He showed her a video of our cats in the evening.

I woke up to a video group call at 6am. my phones usually on airplane mode but it rang through. The nurse was on the phone and said there’s a chance in her breathing you guys better get here soon because she may pass soon.

My partner and I got to the hospital 5 minutes later. It was around 6:05am. My mom’s chest was rising and falling, a little bit labored. My dad told me that around midnight or just past my mom had awakened in a greys frenzy of anxiety and asked for cold ice in her body and also massages. My dad didn’t really know what to do and her speech was getting garbled. They went to drain her ascites like normal but this time the liquid which was usually a yelllow-clear, was reddish brown.

He helped her but then also got the nurse who came in and gave her more morphine and also oxygen because her breathing was getting labored. I looked at her, the rise and fall of her chest. I didn’t think she would wake up again so I started talking to her, I nestled my face into her neck and told her I’m here mommy, don’t be scared. I looked at her Apple Watch it read a pulse of 48 beats per minute 15 minutes ago. It was searching for her pulse. I waited. Still searching. I looked back at her chest. I waited for the rise and fall, but nothing. My dad felt for a pulse. No pulse. My heart sunk because my brother and sister in law, and my mom’s brother and sister, hadn’t yet arrived. They were still on the way. I said goodbye to my mom, I whispered in her ear. I told her I’m gonna see you again, mommy, I promise. That was around 6:20-6-40. The rest of the family arrives and everyone starts crying and hugging my mom. I noticed that the Apple Watch started going again. 71 beats per minute. I put my fingers under her neck. Definitely a pulse, quite strong. Everyone got to talk to her. My uncle hacked with sobs in the corner, my aunt whispering to her that she will go to Buddha, where there is no sickness and no pain. My brother sobbed underneath her arm. I hoped she knew we were there.

Her heart continued to beat on. At 7:52, the physical assistant pronounced her passed. I’m not super duper spiritual or religious but I like to think that for those 15 minutes where there was no pulsed she was waiting for the entire family to gather before she left us. I want to make sure my mommy makes it to the good place.

Oncologist came into see her afterwards and said physiologically it was likely her bowel had perforated (hence the dark liquid). Not sure if this is a rather peaceful or violent way to go but the way cancer deaths to go, but I hope mommy suffered very little.

Not sure who I’m hoping to read this. Throwing it out into the universe to get maybe some comfort in return or some signs that people think happened in the last day. Can’t sleep on my first night with my mother passed into the next realm. I love you mommy. I’m always going to be your baby, your happy girl. You’re in everything I do and I carry you with me everywhere.

Hi everyone. I’m posting because I’m trying to figure out whether there are still reasonable options for my mom, and I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar.
My mom has Stage 3 high-grade serous ovarian cancer (HGSOC), diagnosed in October 2020. She is platinum refractory and has been through 6 to 7 lines of treatment, including 2 clinical trials.
Most recently she was on Keytruda + Taxol, but unfortunately she progressed.
Her oncologist had planned to start relacorilant next, but before we could begin, my mom developed a malignant small bowel obstruction caused by cancer involvement in the peritoneum/abdomen.
Initially we were told:
• No surgery was recommended to remove bowel involvement
• No systemic treatment until the obstruction improved

The confusing part is that her obstruction actually improved clinically after hospitalization and NG tube management, but then the conversation shifted. Her oncologist’s view became that treatment at this point would likely cause more harm than benefit overall, and she recommended focusing on comfort rather than continuing cancer treatment.

Our oncologist is highly respected and very experienced, and I understand she is trying to protect my mom rather than withhold care. But emotionally I’m struggling to accept whether we have truly exhausted reasonable options, or whether we stopped at the point where another opinion could still matter.

My mom told us she is tired and doesn’t want to keep fighting unless there is a genuinely viable treatment option and a doctor who believes it’s worth trying. She’s currently in the hospital and being followed by palliative care.

My questions for this group:
Has anyone had recurrent ovarian cancer with malignant bowel obstruction and still been able to receive additional treatment afterward?
Has anyone pursued second opinions after being told treatment would be more harmful than helpful?
If you were in our position, what questions would you ask or what steps would you take next?
Any experiences with major cancer centers reviewing cases remotely or giving consultative opinions?
I’m not looking for false hope, but I also don’t want to regret not exploring reasonable options.
Thank you so much for reading and for sharing any stories, advice, or perspectives. ❤️