A shrinking circle?
I've noticed that as my awakening matures, my social circle seems to become smaller, even as my compassion for other people becomes considerably greater. The difference is that I no longer feel the same need to be drawn into everything. People get caught up in the drama, illusions and attachments of the material world . People are where they are, and there is something to be said for allowing them to have their own experience of this life, just as I had to.
In 2023 I joined a social group largely made up of retired people, assuming naively that people approaching the later stages of life might have developed a greater interest in reflection, impermanence and the question of what ultimately matters once so many of the ordinary structures of life begin to fall away. Instead I found something quite different: many seemed to be doubling down on the material and social identities they had spent their lives building, almost trying to recreate the experience of being in their teens or early twenties. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying life of course but I found the contrast with what I had expected very striking. If anything, being closer to the end seemed to make some people more determined to hold onto the identities and pursuits associated with the earlier stages of life instead of realizing how empty experiences hold no lasting value.
It has made me wonder whether awakening necessarily means that we find ourselves surrounded by other people who are experiencing the world in a similar way. Perhaps that happens for some people, but I'm increasingly uncertain that it is the point. There may be very brief periods of genuine companionship with people who are walking a similar path, but lasting and deep conversations are rare. Fortunately I don't feel the craving to be understood but sometimes there are things that only someone walking the same path can understand; even a therapist seems perplexed!
Perhaps this is simply part of the process: the circle becomes smaller because of our objectivity? We can be present without being absorbed, compassionate without taking on what belongs to someone else, and connected without requiring that connection to take the form of constant need. I sometimes wonder whether we are actually meant to spend less time searching for people who see what we see and more time simply living in a way that quietly reflects what we have come to understand.
Any advice you can give will be appreciated!