u/mistyayn

I've been having an ongoing conversation with someone about whether variety in your diet is more important than being consistent with calories.

For many years my husband and I have done meal prep and we eat the same thing most weeks. We have an appropriate balance of macros but otherwise consistent. We could probably do with a little more vegetables and a little less processed food but we do our best.

Part of the reason for eating this way is we both struggle with weight. Consistently eating the same thing ensures we're not going over our calories. When we add variety and we have to calculate the calories we usually underestimate and very quickly start to go over our calories.

The person I'm talking to on the other hand thinks that variety is incredibly important. They thinks the way we eat is unhealthy because we don't have variety. I'm curious what people who know more about this than I do think.

I've been on the public preview for at least 6 months now and all I really use it for is finding out why things changed, where to find certain things and report bugs. What do you use it for?

I've seen a lot of posts lately about couples dealing with mismatched libidos. I wanted to share what my husband and I have found that works for us, after many many years of dealing with this conflict, in case it might work for others.

A few years ago I heard a couples therapist say that every relationship has it's conflicts or points of tension that never get fully resolved. You have to pick the ones you can live with. The two biggest conflicts are usually sex/emotional intimacy or money. That helped me realize that we don't have much conflict over money so If we can improve the tension over sex/emotional intimacy a little we're doing pretty good.

In our dynamic my husband has a much higher libido than I do. When we got together we had, what seems like, common misconceptions of each other's experiences of intimacy. He didn't understand that emotional intimacy or being emotionally desired helps me relax, feeling relaxed helps me be open to physical intimacy. I didn't understand that physical intimacy or being physically desired helps him relax, feeling relaxed helps him be open to emotional intimacy. It was like a chicken and the egg problem. We couldn't understand why the other one wouldn't do the thing we wanted while demanding what they wanted. We both ended up feeling hurt and rejected in different ways. We both needed to realize that to get what we wanted we needed to be willing to give a little before we got.

It seems common that for the person with the high libido scheduling sex often takes something away because it can seem like an item on a checklist. For the person with the low libido scheduling sex helps because it takes away the pressure. At least that's the case for us.

What works for us today. We have days of the week when sex is off the table and days of the week when sex is a high priority. By having days of the week when sex is off the table my husband can express his desire and there is no pressure that it is going to lead anywhere past a groping. Because I know there is no pressure for sex and my husband is prioritizing my comfort and emotional connection I'm free to be more open to that desire. Being open to that desire helps me be more open to sex on days when sex is a priority. By having days when sex is a priority my husband knows that I am prioritizing his comfort and relaxation over mine which helps him be more open emotionally. Life gets in the way on sex days, of course, but over time my husband has learned to trust that I will try and make it a priority to the best of my ability.

This solution won't work for everyone but maybe it might help some or give some people some ideas.

My mom has had pulmonary fibrosis for many years and she's actually beaten lung cancer twice. She's am absolutely amazing lady who has done an incredible job of managing her own very complicated health situation.

For the last year we've been in this ongoing conversation and I've had my own reflection of when do I need to step in and start making decisions for her. There isn't always an obvious event that makes that change clear. My mom is visiting and in the process of moving here. My aunt who was nurse is also visiting and we're together realizing that my mom's health is deteriorating fast and not making the best decisions.

I'm not ready for the shift. I'm not ready to be the parent. But life is all about stepping up when life suddenly says it's time even when you're not ready.

I'm sad.