u/mitchymitch42

In a world of elite international assassins, Russell Pace is Detroit’s third-best hitman.

He has a bad knee, a pill habit, and one too many dead bodies after the “perfect” hit goes belly-up. In the Detroit underworld, the top five killers are ranked, from Russell’s idol, the legendary Mysterious Number One, on down. Violence is regulated by contracts. Violating the terms of a contract calls for punishment. Russell’s punishment? He can take on a trainee from the Serrilli family—hated rivals who may have had his dad killed—or get ribbons cut from his skin like the last guy who lost his rank. Or was it a skin scrunchie?

The trainee turns out to be Serrilli’s niece, Sofia. She’s cunning, captivating, annoying, with a habit of getting the best of Russell in every exchange. They have two days to plan a public assassination of a low-level drug dealer in Saginaw, Michigan, and he has two days to stop falling for the enemy ’cause she’s going to get him killed.

Meanwhile, Jo Hanada, a recently paroled hitman, is murdering his way towards the same target, on a mission to recover stolen drug money. He plans to kill Russell and Sofia if they get in his way.

They get in his way.

I'd love to get feedback in three areas:

A) Pacing.

B) Any clarity issues. Inline comments flagging any sentences or details that are confusing.

C) If you have firearm, law enforcement, or military experience, I could use some factchecking on the action scenes.

Leave a comment or message me and I'll send you the first chapter.

Hi Agent,

[Personalization]

In a world of elite international assassins, Russell Pace is Detroit’s third-best hitman.

He has a bad knee, a problem with pills, and one too many dead bodies after the “perfect” hit goes belly-up. In the Detroit underworld, the top five killers are ranked, from Russell’s idol, the legendary Mysterious Number One, on down. Violence is regulated by contracts. Violating the terms of a contract calls for punishment. Russell’s punishment? He can take on a trainee from the Serrilli family—hated rivals who may have had his dad killed—or get ribbons cut from his skin like the last guy who lost his rank. Or was it a skin scrunchie?

The trainee turns out to be Serrilli’s niece, Sofia. She’s captivating, alluring, annoying, with a habit of getting the best of Russell in every exchange. They have two days to plan a public assassination of a low-level drug dealer in Saginaw, Michigan, and he has two days to stop falling for the enemy ’cause she’s going to get him killed.

Meanwhile, Jo Hanada, a former ranked killer recently paroled, is murdering his way towards the same drug dealer target, on a mission to recover stolen drug money. And he has a plan to kill Russell and Sofia if they get in his way.

They get in his way.

RUSSIE GOES BANG BANG is a crime thriller, complete at 74K words.