u/morphine_inhaler

not just snarky comments but straight up rude comments with no filter to put others down so you feel better about yourself.

i self project a lot, if i see someone who does something i’m annoyed of, but i also do that same exact thing, i feel the need to point it out and put them down for it because my insecurity is insane. yes i know, my self awareness is also insane lol.

i simply do my best to keep my mouth shut but its very hard. i feel this ‘something’ building up in me that feels like its gonna explode if i dont say anything. i am currently under medication thats stabilizes my mood and reduces agitation but its at low dosage for now. other than this, i dont know what to do honestly. i don’t wanna hurt others because i know i’ll end up losing people again.

its hard being a recovering narc when everyone around you is constantly triggering you to relapse and be an asshole again

i have a strange unusual sounding voice that catches people off guard the first time they hear it. they question it, they judge it, they insult it, and i’ve endured this for years. i’ve faced disrespect, humiliation and mockery to a point i was genuinely dehumanized. i was never taken seriously by adults. i’d ask a question, then they do answer but by mimicking my voice. i’ve learned and accepted that, me? talking? is just a joke. i can’t speak without people making my voice the spotlight of the conversation. it’s extremely uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible hearing my own voice. its so bad that it triggers me to shut down mid conversation. until, i just stopped talking entirely and use my notes app to communicate with people in real life. i’m afraid that using my voice will trigger me to get overwhelmed and possibly go through a mental breakdown that i let people hear my voice. and i’m of course afraid of them judging it and insulting it and i just dont wanna go through that pain anymore. but i read somewhere that selective mutism isn’t apparently caused by trauma. so, am i really a selective mute or something else?