u/mortalitasi473

so, i had RFF phalloplasty with UL a few months ago (my vaginectomy and stuff was a few years ago). i had glansplasty and a split-thickness skin graft a month after that (the skin graft was because my surgeon went for a wound vac on my arm).

and honestly, i'm just coming here to vent because i still have my suprapubic catheter. i still *need* it! i am able to urinate through my new phallus, but it hurts so much and comes out of two extra places besides. it's been its own little hell to deal with and i want it to be over, but the earliest revision is a 4-month minimum and it's just been difficult for me.

hopefully it's alright that i'm posting here. i was banned from /phallo over a year ago or so for "transphobia" (not agreeing with trans "men" wanting to keep their vagina while getting phallo) so i have nowhere else to talk about this really. i'm hoping that an upcoming test soon will help my surgeon figure out how to fix the problems, but it's been difficult regardless

hello! i'd like to preface that i'm familiar with some aspects of IFS but still kind of new to actual practice of it. i've recently realized that something i thought was some errant, mild thought is actually a part. all this part does, though, is repetitively scream, beg for mercy, and cry out, as though it is permanently stuck in a state of being attacked by my abuser.

i personally feel relatively detached from this part. i notice it often enough but thought little of it previously, and even looking at it now feels like there's a thick fog between us. i don't have much of any emotional response to it except a bit of discomfort. and i don't know that it can even perceive that i'm here, that anything is happening except the terror.

i don't have therapy for several days, and my therapist and i still don't discuss parts all that often anyhow since it's not her main area of expertise. i'm not really sure how to make more progress with my healing in this situation or what might help.