u/mstrashpie

I’ve been in an open relationship for 3 years with my husband. We solo date and we’re both open to poly. I’ve never had a true poly relationship, more like FWB dynamics but this new person I’m seeing hits different. Definitely in my feels more than I’ve been in a long time.

Anyway, anyone else find NRE exhausting? Like I oscillate from having a ton of energy but then crashing from the hyper focus and just being a bit more emotionally up and anxious. I think it’s due to the intermittent reinforcement and not knowing where things will land. Trying to enjoy it for what it is and take it one day at a time! We’re also long distance which probably doesn’t help the NRE 😂

Hello! I[30F] am a ENM/polyamorous newbie so bear with me. I am trying to understand what is reasonable when dating someone new and it seems to be the age-old dilemma of limerence and NRE.. and I’m trying to remove my own internal noise to see what’s actually a healthy and reasonable request. I keep being pulled to this idea of having a more poly-friendly relationship outside of my nesting partner. We both are open to ENM and poly dynamics.

My history:

1. 1 year casual f*ckbuddy Dilby where we explored D/S dynamics. There was a significant 20+ year age gap. We never spent the night, didn’t share feelings, and just s\*xted. It felt very organized and predictable, and all of that made me feel quite safe and secure. He was married and ENM. He’s now a comet and I see him a few times a year

2. One off hook ups in play parties

I’m open to poly but everyone here who’s been dating in a more polyamorous context knows it’s a long game. And I’m now feeling a bit stuck with a new connection.

This person, Forrest [37M], was visiting my area for a short-term stay. I didn’t know upfront how short-term it was but he never indicated and I never asked. I was bored and on the apps and I guess I just didn’t feel like being to discerning with my dating style. He paced it pretty slow and I didn’t mind. I felt like we both seemed to value direct communication and before having sex, I felt pretty de-attached to him and any possible outcomes. 

We then started having sex like a couple months after meeting. And then immediately after that, he had to go back to his hometown to deal with family things. He isn’t necessarily tied to his hometown but there is no commitment to anywhere really, I guess. We’ve only known each other for like 3-4 months, so I take all words from new potential partners with a large grain of salt.

Anyway, he invited me to his hometown. I was feeling horny and spontaneous so I took him up on his offer. I had some friends in the area and I played the “YOLO” card and said “why not”. He was excited to have me over, too. It was a 4 day stint where we essentially hung out nonstop and it felt a little bit like summer camp. It was lovely and I was pretty thrilled that we were able to tolerate each other well even with that kind of intense escalation.

We’re back in our respective towns… and now things are feeling fuzzy and strange for me. He was basically sent me a “thx for the mems” text and sporadically checks in with me. 

I don’t feel ignored or like he’s not wanting to stay in touch. The crux of the matter to me is this… if he feels like he could “take me or leave it”, I would rather not stay in contact unless he’s actually going to be in town and we massively scale back. The sporadic check-ins make me feel like he’s wanting some emotional investment or to continue building an emotional thing together. It’s very much sliding into that whole “I feel like I’m having to play it cool and I don’t want to anymore.” I thought this could be like my other comet arrangement, but I feel like we have maybe, too much chemistry for it to naturally fit like that in my brain? 

So I basically pushed him to reframe this whole thing. I said “hey, if you are just someone who isn’t super emotionally expressive but you are into me, that’s cool, but if you feel indifferent, that’s another thing”. So he’s sitting with those thoughts now, because I don’t think he understood where I’m at. If he’s indifferent about me, I wouldn’t want to be wanting to stay in light but somewhat frequent touch. 

All of this feels so mind-numbing and part of me just wants to hide and cut him off. I brought up this check-in because I am clearly struggling with the fluidity and pacing of our relationship. My current brain right now is very much like “Just get real about this, right? You’re just a girl he’s f\*cking, nothing more, nothing less.”

Do any of my thoughts make any sense? Oh those so much wiser than me, can any of you all tell me what I want? I don’t want daily texts or large declarations of love. I did ask him for ways to stay more in contact which he was up for but then when I brought up the whole… “indifferent versus into me but not expressive” concern, he seemed to pull back. I’m tired lol

Hello! I [30F] am a ENM/polyamorous newbie so bear with me. I am trying to understand what is reasonable when dating someone new and it seems to be the age-old dilemma of limerence and NRE.. and I’m trying to remove my own internal noise to see what’s actually a healthy and reasonable request. I keep being pulled to this idea of having a more poly-friendly relationship outside of my nesting partner. We both are open to ENM and poly dynamics.

My history:

1. 1 year casual f*ckbuddy Dilby where we explored D/S dynamics. There was a significant 20+ year age gap. We never spent the night, didn’t share feelings, and just s*xted. It felt very organized and predictable, and all of that made me feel quite safe and secure. He was married and ENM. He’s now a comet and I see him a few times a year

2. One off hook ups in play parties

I’m open to poly but everyone here knows it’s a long game. And I’m now feeling a bit stuck with a new connection.

This person, Forrest [37M]was visiting my area for a short-term stay. I didn’t know upfront how short-term it was but he never indicated and I never asked. I was bored and on the apps and I guess I just didn’t feel like being to discerning with my dating style. He paced it pretty slow and I didn’t mind. I felt like we both seemed to value direct communication and before having sex, I felt pretty de-attached to him and any possible outcomes. 

We then started having sex like a couple months after meeting. And then immediately after that, he had to go back to his hometown to deal with family things. He isn’t necessarily tied to his hometown but there is no commitment to anywhere really, I guess. We’ve only known each other for like 3-4 months, so I take all words from new potential partners with a large grain of salt.

Anyway, he invited me to his hometown. I was feeling horny and spontaneous so I took him up on his offer. I had some friends in the area and I played the “YOLO” card and said “why not”. He was excited to have me over, too. It was a 4 day stint where we essentially hung out nonstop and it felt a little bit like summer camp. It was lovely and I was pretty thrilled that we were able to tolerate each other well even with that kind of intense escalation.

We’re back in our respective towns… and now things are feeling fuzzy and strange for me. He was basically sent me a “thx for the mems” text and sporadically checks in with me. 

I don’t feel ignored or like he’s not wanting to stay in touch. The crux of the matter to me is this… if he feels like he could “take me or leave it”, I would rather not stay in contact unless he’s actually going to be in town and we massively scale back. The sporadic check-ins make me feel like he’s wanting some emotional investment or to continue building an emotional thing together. It’s very much sliding into that whole “I feel like I’m having to play it cool and I don’t want to anymore.” I thought this could be like my other comet arrangement, but I feel like we have maybe, too much chemistry for it to naturally fit like that in my brain? 

So I basically pushed him to reframe this whole thing. I said “hey, if you are just someone who isn’t super emotionally expressive but you are into me, that’s cool, but if you feel indifferent, that’s another thing”. So he’s sitting with those thoughts now, because I don’t think he understood where I’m at. If he’s indifferent about me, I wouldn’t want to be wanting to stay in light but somewhat frequent touch. 

All of this feels so mind-numbing and part of me just wants to hide and cut him off. I brought up this check-in because I am clearly struggling with the fluidity and pacing of our relationship. My current brain right now is very much like “Just get real about this, right? You’re just a girl he’s f*cking, nothing more, nothing less.”

Do any of my thoughts make any sense? Oh those so much wiser than me, can any of you all tell me what I want? I don’t want daily texts or large declarations of love. I did ask him for ways to stay more in contact which he was up for but then when I brought up the whole… “indifferent versus into me but not expressive” concern, he seemed to pull back. I’m tired lol

I’m 31F, 5’2” and 115 lbs and I got my first copper IUD 2 weeks ago. My period was due a few days ago and came right on time. Interestingly, the first day was a light but real bleed and no cramps. Today is day 3 and the pain is PEAKING. Had to take 1000 mg of Advil today and I felt so drained and out of it. I’m pretty worried this may not be a good long-term BC solution for me :/ Before, my periods would last 1-4 days and have super light flow, but I would have intense cramps for maybe a few hours and maybe once a year, I’d have god-awful cramps where if I didn’t take 600 mg of advil, I’d pass out from the pain. I haven’t felt that faint yet but I don’t know how I’m gonna last with having intense cramps for DAYS.

The insertion wasn’t traumatic but it definitely knocked me out. I got a cervical block and took 800 mg of advil. Cramps significantly improved by the next day.

Anyway just ranting here lol uuughhhh.

I told my therapist about a recent incident with my new boyfriend who stealthed me. He takes SSRIs and has difficulty ejaculating. We went on vacation together for the first time and we had a lot of alone time. This occurred at the end of a fully protected session where we gave up and then he tried again. We hadn’t “The Talk” about birth control or STDs. Low pregnancy risk as I was on my period and he pulled out. I wasn’t particularly worried about STD exposure even though it’s possible, he had been with the same woman for 5 years before we met. My last boyfriend also committed “stealthing” where I asked him to use protection but then again, due to also being on SSRIs, had difficulty orgasming and would take off the condom and pull out.

I was disappointed and concerned my boyfriend didn’t have the courage to discuss the event of him wanting to go without protection beforehand.

It’s made me depressed to think that men don’t care about women’s health and I’m a generally positive and optimistic person.

I also have mild OCD where I can get fixated on a certain subject… and when I told my therapist what had happened, I was mostly telling her because we do talk about my dating life a lot and it did feel relevant but when I told her, she had a very intense reaction. She said “her heart was racing”. It spiked my own anxiety.

Now I’m regretting telling her. I want to repair the trust with my own boyfriend. I’ve just asked him to wear condoms again and he has happily obliged but I haven’t had the “did you know what you did was actually really really really bad and if we hadn’t built up trust and started seriously dating, I’d break up with you over it?”

My relationship OCD feels mildly spiked. Like all the people I love are apparently are/were rapists (ex-bf included) which couldn’t feel further from the truth but because they weren’t perfect with the way we managed sex logistics… our relationship is ruined.

I value sex pretty highly and we have a very strong sexual connection. We talked extensively about kinks and he constantly checks on me when we’re trying something new. I know when you’re dating someone new, you don’t know their dark sides fully for quite sometime. But it’s been a while that I felt so confident in someone and feeling love for someone. I hadn’t really been thinking about the stealthing incident until my last therapy session. And now I’m having a hard time, because of the way my therapist reacted.

This whole situation has also started to make me doubt if my current therapy is really what I need or effective… I’ve been seeing my same therapist for 2 years. Most sessions feel like happy hours and I feel very uplifted but now, things feel so weird. I’ve shared some dark things about myself (engaged in an short term affair with a married man in my twenties while I was in a relationship) and she wasn’t so harsh, even though that was a consent violation as well. I know my own past behavior doesn’t mean I deserve to be abused today. But my own lived experience feels nothing like being abused.