Life matter, need advice
This is my first and probably my last post on reddit.
lengthy ga undabothundhi, please bear with me, chaala kudhinchi kudhinchi raasthunna. asalu mottham chadhuvutharo ledho ani doubt ga undhi😂.
Na gurinchi small intro:
introvert, no friends, assalu matladanu, food ishtam undadhu, thiragadam ishtam undadhu, thaagadam ishtam undadhu, no emotions, no caring.
no social media except one fake twitter account and reddit. cinemalu series lu okappudu udhyamam la choose vaadni, ippudu avi kuda no interest.
## first love
School nundi ma classmate naaku ishtam unde, but eppudu thana venta padale, ekkuvga matladale, ishtam ani cheppale.
10th aipoyindhi, inka thanu eppadiki kalavadhu anukunna.
Btech 1st year lo facebook lo thanu message chesindhi hi ani, inka appatinundi chat cheskovadam, school vishayaalu matladukovadam ayyindhi.
thanaki kuda school nundi nenate ishtam ani cheppindhi, tharvatha inka memu okay anukunnam.
thanu kuda konchem na type a, very silent and introvert. eppudaina call cheskunna em matladalo thelvakunde, just hi, thinnava, unnava anthe.
konni months tharvatha I said, we should breakup, manaki antha age ledhu, gauge ledhu, nannu nene chooskolenu, care undadhu na nundhi and vaalla intlo assalu oppukoru, so anni years relationship lo undi ni time waste na time ani.
chaala manchi ammai, chaala edchindhi breakup oddhu ani.
naaku thanu chaala ishtam unde but last ki pelli avvakapothe thanani mosam chesinattu avthadhi ani breakup cheppina, thanaki e reason em cheppale.
Btech 1st year tharvatha, oka incident happened that turned my family and my life upside down.
The most kind, the most beautiful, only person who loved me to the moon no matter what, left us.
baita paddhathiga unna, ma ammatho full allari chese vaadni, thittinchukune vaadni, only thanatho maathrame full matladevaadni. ma father tho nak bonding ledhu.
friends ki cheppale, evvarki cheppale, andhartho matladatam maanesaanu.
nen breakup cheppadaaniki idhi kuda one of the main reasons(maaku doctors mundhe cheppaaru, nenu inka e prema dhoma mood lo lenu).
Then I fell into depression, 18-25 na life nundi poyayi, I lost interest in life, nothing excited me.
daily only once thine vaadni, weight kuda 32-35 ala undevaadni. almost anni sleepless nights. prathi roju edchevaadni.
at one point I tried seppuku😂 evo tablets chaala veskunna.
aah 7 years em cheyale, college ki velladam, intiki raavadam, evvartho matladale.
college aipoyaaka software job lo join ayya, akkada kuda office ki velladam pani chooskovadam, intiki raavadam.
although I still loved her, I did not message her in those 7 years. thanani granted ga theeskunna.but ekkado chinna hope unde nakosam wait chesthadhi ani.
nenu peddha rajnikanth mari nakosam wait cheyadaniki🤦♂️
slowly started recovering and thanu nannu still ishtapadthunte marriage cheskundhama ani adugudham ani prepare avthunna.
appudu na friend dhwaara thelsindhi that she fell in love with her college classmate ani.
first okay le, nen thanani pattinchukole kadha, its okay atleast she is happy anukunna.
but day by day slow ga hit avvadam start ayyindhi, malli sleepless nights start ainai,
last ki thanane adigina, thanu kuda avunu ani confirm chesindhi.
cinemaallo gunde baruvekkadam laanti dialogues vasthe, veellu veella overaction anukune vaadni.
first time experienced gunde baruvekkadam. paatalu vintunte lyrics artham avvadam start ayyindhi😂.
malli inko 1 year bokka.
then my friend okadu thanaki thelsina ammai(sister) ki ma office lo jobs emaina unnayemo choodamani adigindu.
thanu em chesindhi, thana skills adigina, vaadu nak thelvadhu nuvve adugu ani he gave me her number.
## second love
chaala manchi ammai( super cute, no social media, no overaction, simple ga undatam ishtam, chaala caring, chaala emotional, very private person )
first call a 2hrs, na life lo first time oka person tho 2hrs call matladatam.
konni days tharvatha she started messaging me. Nen kuda casual ga chat chese vaadni.
thane message chesedhi, thane convo intitate chesedhi, nak em ishtam, cinemalu, series etc
she started asking everything, funny ga chat cheskune vaallam.
slow ga schoolmate ni marchipovadam start cheshna.
konni days tharvatha she started calling me.
konni months daily call, prathi roju call chesedhi, minimum 2hrs, mostly thane edho okati matladedhi nenu vinevaadni.
e premalo unnavaalli gantalu gantalu em matladukuntaru ra, oka 5 mins ke chiraaku vasthadhi anukunevaadni.
mana dhaaka vacche varaku artham kaadhu.
slow ga thanu nacchadam start ayyindhi. maamooluga kaadhu picchi picchiga nacchindhi. evvarki share cheskoni vishayaalu thanaki share cheyadam start cheshna.
konni days tharvatha edho oka incident lo flow nak thanante ishtam ani vacchindhi.
saagadheesi adigithe avnu ishtam ani cheppina.
thanu nenu antha worthy kaadhu, nik manchi ammai vasthadhi, nen ninnu ala anukoledhu, oka brotherly and friendly feeling tho unna annadhi.
she never called me anna/bro.
nenu inka naaku nuvvante ishtam nen try cheskunta ani cheppina.
she kept saying time waste cheskoku manam friends ga undham, nak ishtam ledhu ani chepthunde.
nenu sarle try cheskundham future lo aina thanaki nen nacchuthanemo anukunna.
naaku first time dhairyam vacchindhi thanani baaga chooskogalugutha and vaalla parents ni oppinchagalugutha ani.
caring, affection ivem naaku thelvadhu but nerchukunta ani cheppina.
Inni rojulu emotionless ga unna naaku malli anni feelings start ayyaayi.
thanu caring and affection baaga expect chesthadhi, neelo avi lenandhuku neetho maatladindhi anta.
konni days tharvatha naaku already boyfriend unnadu, college nundi love naadhi ani cheppindhi.
nak em jarigina thanathone share cheskunta, na life lo most important person thanu ani cheppindhi.
malli gunde barivekkadam start ayyindhi.
mari endhuku cheppale naaku ani adigithe, endhuku cheppaali nik reason, nak ishtam undadhu na personal life share cheskovadam andhuke nen evvarki cheppanu ani andhi.
thanaki chaala mandhi propose chesaru ani appudu cheppindhi. neela naaku chaala mandhi propose chesaru andharki okay chepkunta pothana ani annadhi.
malli sleepless nights started, e saari dosage ekkuvaindhi, edavadam kuda start ayyindhi.
funny ga cheppadaaniki try chesthunna kaani chaala ante chaala baadhaga undhi.
chinna vasthuvu konadaaniki adhi worthy aah kaadha ani vandha saarlu aalochisthadhi thanu. so e decision aalochinchakunda em theeskoni undadhu.
sarle thanaki already vere athanni ishtapadithe inka nenem chestha, matladakunda undham ani cheppina.
I started missing her, eppudu thana gurinche aalochinche vaadni.
Nen marchipovali ante neetho matladakunda undaali ani cheppina, but thanu asalu pattinchukunedhi kaadhu, malli normal ga message chesedhi, call chesedhi.
Nen entha serious ga cheppina, oka 2 days aagi malli call chesedhi.
kavalante nuv enthaina try chesko nen maathram padanu adhi maathram guarantee ani cheppedhi.
oka one month time theeskoni marchipo, manam malli friends ga undham, nen na life lo friend ga undamani evvarki kosam edvale ni kosam edchina, naaku ni friendship vadhulkovalani ledhu ani cheppindhi.
Nak antha opika ledhu, nak ammailu friends leru, avasaram kuda ledhu, manam matladukovoddhu ani gattiga cheppina.
oka one week maatladale, malli call chesi normal ga matladindhi, nak nuv stranger vi kaadhu, nik nacchina nacchakapoina nen call chestha ani andhi.
nenu sarle melli melliga messages, calls thaggiddham anukunna.
naaku thananki message cheyalani unna kuda aapukunevaadni.
roju thana gurinche aalochanalu, ishtam baaga perigipoyindhi.
then scene completely reverse ayyindhi.
nenu message cheyadam start chesanu, thanu avoid cheyadam start chesindhi. late replies or no replies ki vacchindhi.
entha try cheshna thana meedha ishtam pothaledhu, oka 1 month nenu message cheyale, thanu malli message chesindhi friends ga undham, endhuku ivanni last ki nuvve baadha padthav.
nak full clarity undhi nenu ninnu ishtapadanu naaku already vere athanu ishtam, ippudu ninnu ishtapadithe naadhi elanti character aithadhi ani andhi.
first lo thanu full interested ga undedhi kaluddham ani, nenu no ani overaction chesevaadni(naaku konchem insecurity start ayyindhi, height thakkuva 5'3 thanaki nacchuthano ledho ani).
ippudu nenu kaluddham ani entha adigina, thanu no way, inthakamundhu ante nik na meedha feeling ledhu kabatti okay, ippudu manam meet aithe baagundadhu.
ninnu meet aithe ma madhya godavalu start aithai oddhu annadhi.
first ammayi thanu vere athanni ishtapaduthunna ani cheppinappudu baadha padina but accept chesi thanani marchipoina.
but ippudu thinu kuda adhe cheppina kuda I am not able to forget her, almost 2 years aithundhi.
ippudu malli normal ga matladukuntunnam messages cheskuntunnam( thanu messaage chesthene reply isthunna, na anthaki nenu call chesthalenu).
naaku thana meedha ishtam pothaledhu, na prayathanaalu nen cheskuntunna, thanu maathram blatant ga no chepthundhi, nuv entha try chesina waste ani.
nenu lenappudu theeskunna decision adhi, idhi unfair ante nik antha scene ledhu le anindhi😭. nik kavalsina qualities konni naalo kuda unnai kadha ante, appudu mundhi parichayam ayyundaali anindhi. devudiki thelsu evarki em ivvalo ani philosophy lu chepthundhi.
thanu thidithe baaguntadhi😂.
thanu vaadi gurinche emanna chepthe aah roju mottham na mood spoil aithadhi, nak jealous feeling undhani ippude artham aithundhi.
All I know is that they love each other very much. Vaadu chaala manchodu ayyuntadu, thana evvarni padithe vallani dhaggarki raanivaadhu.
ippudu na questions and I need your perspectives, suggestions:
- to girls evaraina idhi chadhivuthunte, did she really treat me as a brother? thanu a point lo aina nannu ishtapadi untadha?
thanani okasaari adigina (tere ishq mein cinema dialogue vaadina) nannu eppudaina preminchava, okka kshanam aina ani, she said no😭.
should I pursue her? is it morally correct? (everything is fair in love and war antaru kadha)
shoudl I leave her, thanani block chesi matladakunda undaala? (although I am not sure if I will be able to forget her)
naadhi asalu true prema ne antara? (attraction anukune age aithe definite ga kaadhu I am 27 now)
prapancham lo ammaile lenattu overaction chesthunnav anukovochhu but e time ki naaku prapancham lo thanokkatthe kanipisthundhi.
evvari meedha interest vasthaledhu. gundelo paathukupoyindhi.
Inokarni ishtapade antha opika ledhu, naaku thelsina vidhyalanni vaadesaanu thana kosam, inka na dhaggara energy ledhu.
I don't think I will ever love anybody like I love her.
my plan before falling for her was, after ma chelli pelli I wanted to quit my job and work for a nonprofit organization far away from my place or go to himalayas.
thanu connect aina tharvatha naaku na life meedha hope vacchindhi, I wanted to take care of her, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to explore the world with her.
sambandhaalu vasthunnai, choodakundane no chepthunna, nak pelli ishtam ledhu(except thinatho), should I try them?
ivanni time waste yevvaaraalu go back to my original plan antara?
Note: second ammaini inthavaraku direct ga choodaledhu, first ammaini kuda just 2 times kalisaanu after we said okay to each other, adhi kuda friends tho kalisi edho cinema ki poinam.
inkemanna suggestions or life lessons peddha vaallu isthe motivate avvadaaniki siddham.