u/music_and_pop

Starting Spravato in ~6 weeks and hoping for encouraging stories around Ketamine/Spravato! Especially hoping for positive stories around getting rid of rumination, self loathing, negative self talk, fear, and maybe even healing insecure attachment styles/being more confident with dating/relationships? Or just less insecure in general? Like I just want to feel like I am…enough. Or okay.

EDIT: would also love any stories about like being in acceptance around your past, being able to grieve the past you wish you’d had (I just turned 30 and it feels like my life is over, like I missed out on all the good parts and I’ll never get to be in love in my 20s - which is objectively true. I’ll never have that. I just wish I could move past it/feel like my life is still worth living)

EDIT #2: I’m in therapy! Was in CBT therapy between ages 7-14, ages 18-22. EMDR age 22/23. ACT therapy starting when I turned 29 (I turned 30 relatively recently) and 12 step work starting at age 26.5.

So currently doing ACT therapy and 12 step work.

Is it true that secure people don’t blame themselves when other people can’t meet their needs/when someone else isn’t treating them well?

How do you do that lol. I just always feel like if I was “better” I could get someone to want me? Like if someone is like “no” or ends things that’s fine and I don’t have a problem with that and I move on, but if it’s the like inconsistent push-pull behavior I always want to get the other person to want me even if I don’t want them or even if their behavior is hurting me?

I’m also not even 100% sure I’m an AA leaning secure I think I may be FA leaning secure sometimes lol, because I’ve spent huge chunks of my life avoiding dating/relationships because it feels bad and scary. If someone is consistent my anxious attachment doesn’t get triggered, it’s not until I experience inconsistency that I get triggered, and I usually try to communicate clearly and don’t really do protest behaviors often these days.

Is it true that secure people don’t blame themselves when other people can’t meet their needs/when someone else isn’t treating them well?

How do you do that lol. I just always feel like if I was “better” I could get someone to want me? Like if someone is like “no” or ends things that’s fine and I don’t have a problem with that and I move on, but if it’s the like inconsistent push-pull behavior I always want to get the other person to want me even if I don’t want them or even if their behavior is hurting me?

I’m also not even 100% sure I’m an AP I think I may be FA sometimes lol, because I’ve spent huge chunks of my life avoiding dating/relationships because it feels bad and scary.

I just have a lot of fear, hopelessness, and self-loathing. Recently the Pit of Despair has been way deeper than in a long time and I’m looking into Spravato. Did it help? I want to like myself and respect
myself and stop putting myself in situations where I date people who don’t respect me/like me.

I’m doing a lot better than I used to but I just…am still so full of fear and I just struggle to feel like things will work out for me in certain areas. My life looks good externally in a lot of ways but I feel like I’m drifting along or totally lost.

SSRIs and SNRIs gave me chronic fatigue and I’m getting my life back from that; I can’t go back to living like that. It’s way better than being on those medications. But I also don’t want to be so reactive and miserable all the time.

Hi, I was wondering if there were any places you could store your eggs that didn’t have a forced arbitration clause?

I’m very worried about loss of my eggs - I would ideally want to store with Prelude Cryopreservation because I’m planning on doing retrieval/freezing with NYU Langone, but what if they screw up and destroy my eggs? What kind of legal recourse do I have? I’m just scared that I’ll go through all of this only to lose my eggs.

I guess what contingency plans do others have for this type of potential disaster?

I just turned 30, I am painfully single (as I have been the majority of my life) and I’ve scheduled my first egg freezing cycle for September. This is just bringing up all sorts of horrible emotions and everything feels sort of bleak and hopeless that I reached this point in my life.

I know that I should be grateful that I have the financial resources, foresight, other circumstances to be able to do this and hopefully preserve some of my fertility and hopefully reduce some of my dating anxieties. But I’ve just recently been in this black pit of despair feeling like I’ll never meet anyone and if I do I’ll get strung along for 3 years because I won’t know what to be on the lookout for (I’ve never dated anyone for longer than 4 months and I’ve never been officially BF/gf with anyone for longer than 2 weeks) and lose the rest of my fertile years.

(Yes, I am in therapy.)

Did anyone else have feelings like this? Did you feel better after egg retrieval?