u/natimush

I (21F) am throwing a birthday party for my boyfriend at my parents’ house. We’ve been together for over a year, although we were on and off for about two years before becoming official.
Birthdays are a HUGE deal in my family. My boyfriend’s family doesn’t really celebrate birthdays, so my parents and I have been ridiculously excited about making a big deal out of his. My parents are helping me set everything up, a bunch of his fraternity brothers are coming, and this will also be the first time his parents meet mine.
The problem is that his frat brothers specifically want two of the fraternity’s “sweethearts” invited, and I have said no.
Both girls were in my former sorority, and I have a pretty bad history with them.
I’ll call the first girl “F.” At one point I genuinely wanted to be friends with her. We were supposed to work together on a dance for a major sorority/fraternity event, and because I had experience with what the judges wanted, I thought it made more sense for us to create it together instead of constantly waiting for the pledges to approve everything.
I told her that I felt like she was looking for validation from the guys too much and that she didn’t need their approval for everything. In hindsight, I can absolutely understand how that could have sounded judgmental or condescending even though I genuinely thought I was being helpful.
Apparently she took it very differently.
My boyfriend was a pledge at the time, and the other pledges started liking me because I made an effort to learn their names, include them, and help with things. After my conversation with F, I noticed that she became increasingly cold toward me. The following year, she intentionally excluded me from activities involving my boyfriend’s fraternity because she didn’t like me.
The second girl was part of a bigger reason I eventually dropped my sorority.
I have ADHD and receive accommodations in school, but it doesn’t prevent me from participating in normal sorority activities. She started telling me that there were various things I basically couldn’t or shouldn’t do because of my disability, even though the limitations she was putting on me weren’t accurate.
She was also rude to my littles, who eventually dropped the sorority themselves. After dealing with her behavior toward them and feeling like I was constantly being treated differently, I finally told her to stop. By that point I was exhausted with the environment in general and eventually dropped the sorority.
Fast-forward to now: both of these girls are sweethearts for my boyfriend’s fraternity.
A large number of his fraternity brothers are invited to his birthday, and some of them have specifically asked me to invite these two girls. I’ve repeatedly said no.
My boyfriend knows the history and supports my decision. However, I’m getting pushback because the guys want the girls there and apparently feel like they should be included since so much of the fraternity will be attending.
My issue is that this isn’t a fraternity event. It’s a birthday party at my parents’ home.
I’m still in college and live with my parents, and my boyfriend currently lives with his parents as well. My parents are putting time, money, and effort into throwing this party because they genuinely want my boyfriend to feel celebrated. His parents will be meeting mine for the first time that night.
I don’t want to spend that night uncomfortable in my own home because two people who have treated me badly want to come drink with everyone.
Part of me wonders if I’m being petty because these conflicts happened in the past. I also recognize that I wasn’t perfect in the situation with F. I was trying to help her, but telling someone that they’re seeking male validation obviously isn’t the most diplomatic thing I could have said.
At the same time, I don’t understand why I should be expected to invite people into my family’s home who have made me feel unwelcome elsewhere.
I’m not telling my boyfriend or his fraternity brothers that they can’t be friends with these girls. I’m not asking anyone to choose sides. I just don’t want these two specific people at a party my family and I are hosting.
AITA for refusing to invite them even though my boyfriend’s frat brothers specifically want them there?