r/IATA

For context me (18M) came out as trans when I was 14 to my family after being out to friends since I was 12 and I legally changed my name. However my mom (46F) has a decent sized tattoo of my deadname in a very visible area, I asked her if she would think about getting it covered up (I was fully willing to pay for whatever she wanted and no matter the cost) and she said that no she won’t and that she doesn’t like tattoos anymore. My issue is that recently she got her boyfriends name tattooed on her and another tattoo of a rose and their date they got together and she was showing it off so I made the comment that she said she didn’t like tattoos anymore and that’s why she wouldn’t cover up my deadname, and she said that it was different. Now I know that I don’t have a say in what others do to their bodies however it makes me uncomfortable as she says she supports me and calls me by my name but when others ask about her tattoos she will say this says *deadname* and it was my daughters name which I think is disrespectful and she then outs me to everyone no matter the situation and we got into a bit of an argument over the tattoo when it came up and I brought it all up and I said that I am not going to speak to her unless she’s willing to stop with the this use to be my daughters now sons name and preferably gets it covered or removed (which I would still pay for) but she keeps saying I take things to seriously and that not everything has to be hidden about the fact I was born a girl but it’s uncomfortable for me
Am I the ass hole ??

Basically, I found a TikTok video from my ex's private account. It said something along the lines of, "Surround yourself with people who are like you," or "Surround yourself with people who have the same energy as you."

At the beginning of the video, it was a slideshow. The first picture was my ex with her friend, and the second picture was some chat from either one of them—I don't know which one—saying something like, "I love both of them, I love all of you, they're all so hot," or "Either I stay with both of them or I stay with neither of them," and things like that.

Why would that be wrong? Her friend has a boyfriend, and they've been together for nine months. And this wouldn't be the first time either. So, if you want to consider this as her trying to cheat on him, this girl has tried to cheat on her boyfriend quite a few times. And her boyfriend doesn't know any of this.

Why does she want to cheat on her boyfriend? Because before they started dating, they had already been together, and her boyfriend cheated on her. They broke up, got back together, and they're still together now.

Anyway, let's call this guy David. When I was dating my ex and I would hang out with her, her friend would also be there with David. He was always really nice to me, always treated me well, and would sometimes even give me an opening to flirt with my ex back when we weren't together yet. So I ended up getting along really well with this guy.

My question is—I mean, I have the information. I know that she cheated on her boyfriend. I have an acquaintance who's very close to her, and I found out because one of his friends is really close to this acquaintance. That's how I found out that she cheated on David.

So what should I do? Should I tell David about the video and tell him that she cheated on him, without getting any proof first, obviously?

Or should I tell him that he was cheated on and nothing else? Should I only show him the video and tell him she cheated on him without any proof? Or should I just do nothing and not show him anything?

That's why I'm writing this here, because I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't know what the right thing to do in this situation is.

My boyfriend (22) and I (22) live together and have been a couple for three years. I’ve met his family several times, and things are going well—except with his sister (20). She completely ignores me; she’ll say hello and goodbye, but never actually speaks to me. (She doesn't really speaks to her brother (my boyfriend) aswell) I really tried to strike up a conversation with her at the beginning, but nothing worked. She has been dating a guy in the military (24) for four years, and they’ve decided to move in together (without telling her parents) in may. The thing is, she couldn't find a job in their town. Luckily for her, she found an apprenticeship an hour and a half away from their apartment, so they decided to move again to be closer to work. My problem is that she just messaged my boyfriend asking if we were free on September 5th, without saying why. He said we were, and she asked us to come help with the move. What bothers me, though, is that she has never made any effort toward me from the very beginning. For instance, I always make sure to wish her a happy birthday personally; my boyfriend and I even got her a gift for her 20th. She’s asking us for this favor on August 15th, yet my birthday was on the 11th and I didn't get a single message from her... Honestly, I think that’s pretty rich. Plus, the move is two and a half hours away from us... For example my little sister moved recently for her studies and my boyfriend went to help, but the difference is that she and he get along really well—she considers him a brother. So idk.

I don't really have a choice but I would like to have your opinion because maybe I am too self-centered but I don't really see why I have to help her when she litteraly doesn't considerate me....

I (21F) am throwing a birthday party for my boyfriend at my parents’ house. We’ve been together for over a year, although we were on and off for about two years before becoming official.
Birthdays are a HUGE deal in my family. My boyfriend’s family doesn’t really celebrate birthdays, so my parents and I have been ridiculously excited about making a big deal out of his. My parents are helping me set everything up, a bunch of his fraternity brothers are coming, and this will also be the first time his parents meet mine.
The problem is that his frat brothers specifically want two of the fraternity’s “sweethearts” invited, and I have said no.
Both girls were in my former sorority, and I have a pretty bad history with them.
I’ll call the first girl “F.” At one point I genuinely wanted to be friends with her. We were supposed to work together on a dance for a major sorority/fraternity event, and because I had experience with what the judges wanted, I thought it made more sense for us to create it together instead of constantly waiting for the pledges to approve everything.
I told her that I felt like she was looking for validation from the guys too much and that she didn’t need their approval for everything. In hindsight, I can absolutely understand how that could have sounded judgmental or condescending even though I genuinely thought I was being helpful.
Apparently she took it very differently.
My boyfriend was a pledge at the time, and the other pledges started liking me because I made an effort to learn their names, include them, and help with things. After my conversation with F, I noticed that she became increasingly cold toward me. The following year, she intentionally excluded me from activities involving my boyfriend’s fraternity because she didn’t like me.
The second girl was part of a bigger reason I eventually dropped my sorority.
I have ADHD and receive accommodations in school, but it doesn’t prevent me from participating in normal sorority activities. She started telling me that there were various things I basically couldn’t or shouldn’t do because of my disability, even though the limitations she was putting on me weren’t accurate.
She was also rude to my littles, who eventually dropped the sorority themselves. After dealing with her behavior toward them and feeling like I was constantly being treated differently, I finally told her to stop. By that point I was exhausted with the environment in general and eventually dropped the sorority.
Fast-forward to now: both of these girls are sweethearts for my boyfriend’s fraternity.
A large number of his fraternity brothers are invited to his birthday, and some of them have specifically asked me to invite these two girls. I’ve repeatedly said no.
My boyfriend knows the history and supports my decision. However, I’m getting pushback because the guys want the girls there and apparently feel like they should be included since so much of the fraternity will be attending.
My issue is that this isn’t a fraternity event. It’s a birthday party at my parents’ home.
I’m still in college and live with my parents, and my boyfriend currently lives with his parents as well. My parents are putting time, money, and effort into throwing this party because they genuinely want my boyfriend to feel celebrated. His parents will be meeting mine for the first time that night.
I don’t want to spend that night uncomfortable in my own home because two people who have treated me badly want to come drink with everyone.
Part of me wonders if I’m being petty because these conflicts happened in the past. I also recognize that I wasn’t perfect in the situation with F. I was trying to help her, but telling someone that they’re seeking male validation obviously isn’t the most diplomatic thing I could have said.
At the same time, I don’t understand why I should be expected to invite people into my family’s home who have made me feel unwelcome elsewhere.
I’m not telling my boyfriend or his fraternity brothers that they can’t be friends with these girls. I’m not asking anyone to choose sides. I just don’t want these two specific people at a party my family and I are hosting.
AITA for refusing to invite them even though my boyfriend’s frat brothers specifically want them there?

So, this actually happened about three years ago with a woman I am no longer dating. So I'll use the ages that we were at the time.

Me (M35) and my GF (F31, who I will call Stacy) were hanging out at karaoke room with her friends. It was actually my first time meeting all of them, so I was definitely interested in seeing what they were like. There, I met her friend (who I will just call "Amy") and her boyfriend (who I will call "D-BAG").

Amy and D-BAG seemed alright enough. Amy was very friendly but D-BAG was pretty quiet and reserved. Didn't get the best vibes from him, but they ultimately just seemed like a basic millennial couple.

A week or so later, I was hanging with Stacy at my apartment. Stacy and I had been dating for two months max at this point, and she was having a text message convo with Amy (her being glued to her phone all the time when we were hanging out was kind of annoying but that's neither here or there.)

Stacy chuckles and tells me" Oh my god! Amy just told me something crazy!"

"What did she say?" I ask.

She tells me that D-BAG has a porn addiction and as a result has trouble getting it up during sex with Amy. Apparently Amy confronted him about this and D-BAG actually said "Well, maybe if you knew how to work a d**k than I would be able to get hard."

"WHAT THE FUCK!!??" I respond. "That's the meanest thing I've ever heard.

"Yeah, pretty crazy" Stacy casually responds.

Brief amount of context - Amy was good looking and D-BAG looked like a classic neckbeard. He was short, stocky, unkempt and looked less like a person and more like a gelatinous mass with peachfuzz and mommy issues. Now, I'm not one to body shame but honestly, after I heard what he said, I'm not worried about claiming any moral high ground.

So, galled by the audacity, I tell my GF "That's horrible. She should leave his ass. Amy is pretty and she could do so much better.

Things get a little quiet, and my GF goes back to texting Amy. I'm like, trying to make conversation the best I can while she stays glued to her phone. Ten minutes go by, and she laughs and says "Look at what Amy texted me!"

The text, from Amy, says "LOL! Andrew! You're not supposed to be tell your GF another girl is pretty."

Stacy just chuckles and laughs, but I sense something is off, and I ask her "are you, like, actually mad at me?"

She then says "Yeah, kinda." And then begins to cry. And tells me it makes her feel really insecure that I would call her friend pretty right in front of her.

I was floored by this, and tried to explain I said that because I was so shocked that her BF would be THAT cruel to her, and that she could easily find someone better than him. But she continued to cry and then eventually left.

I called two of my female friends the next day to get their thoughts and they thought it was ridiculous she overreacted like that. But I was just so perplexed nonetheless.

It was only a few weeks later that I broke up with her over several more interactions that were way more insane and awful (to the point where an IATA post is not even necessary).

But, I've always thought about this particular instance and wanted to get other people's thoughts. Any insight would be welcome!