Partner (30M) and I (32M) have maturity differences?
I don’t know how to better say this. My partner 30M and I 32M are at what I would call an impasse after 5 years.
We are ethically non-monogamous (as in, bathhouse activities are approved while we are together). Not a huge issue. No jealousy or anything.
Following my partner moving a “conversation of interest” over to a private account outside of our agreement (Twitter), I am a bit upset.
I asked him to go to therapy due to a deeply personal paternal wound, and today, he came back with an expectation we seek therapy as well. Fine. I said all is well, and gave him the action item of finding someone to act as a mediator.
No huge issue. He asks, “are you alright with that,” and I said that I was, but only under the circumstance that they are not their current therapist and are not culturally queer (his therapist specializes in non-monotonous queer relationships).
Later, he brings up the agreement and I tell him flat out, “while I support you, I don’t think this is going to yield the outcome you expect.”
I then proceed to explain that I love him, but I don’t want to continue a back and forth predicated on me accepting their transgressions and an inability to realize that their mom, dad, sisters, etc. are not the end-all-be-all.
He was not happy about that, because he said, and I quote, “how can we move the relationship in the direction you want if you are constantly blaming me?” Referencing the fact I want marriage, but because I don’t give in, that isn’t going to happen.
I only could respond with a, “how does that happen, and what do you would expect to happen at the end of this?” with the only response being a large exhale, and him seeing himself to bed.
I get that what I said may have not been optimal, but after five years of me begging for the same result (him healing a deep family wound and us making progress), I would expect at least a smidgen of understanding.
We have an agreement that when our lease is up in 90 days, we will part ways if things are bad. However, I see progress, albeit not as substantial as I would have hoped after this long of a relationship (which, in the past, hinged on us moving to a city because his grandparents MAY move there (they didn’t) after me packing up my life to move from TX to GA for him).
While his family loves me, they are extremely… bitchy to say the least. Coming from a tribe of extremely chill and successful people, it makes it hard to accept the mediocrity in the name of poor familial values.
How would you handle this?
tl;dr partner and I can’t agree on healthy therapy and familial boundaries after five years.