u/neonspud

Ok please if anyone has experienced something similar let me know. During the day, I feel fine… but at night, I’ll lie down in bed and after being asleep for a few hours I’ll wake up to terrible radiating/burning/aching lower back pain. Mattress doesn’t matter, I’ve slept on at least 10 different mattresses with the same issue. The only relief I can get is if I sleep in a sitting up position (not lying flat). The pain improves once I get up and move around again.

I was tested for arthritis (negative), inflammation markers (negative), I started to work with a physio on strength and mobility and saw a small improvement? But nothing major. I did note it was potentially worse at different times of my cycle so I thought maybe it was my endometriosis as I know it’s in my pouch of Douglas which sits behind the uterus near the spine. Anyway, I’m currently awake at 5am simply because the pain was absolutely horrible last night. I’m also now 6 weeks pregnant, so I can’t take any anti inflammatory medication.. I’m at a loss! What’s causing this?! Could it be my endometriosis or adenomyosis?! It’s been pretty bad for at least 6 months now.

I’m 33, and 8 years ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis (specifically in the pouch of Douglas) and adenomyosis. I was never treated for it, because I tried the contraceptive pill and it made my PMDD symptoms insane so I had to stop. So basically the endo has been let loose for the last 8 years. In the last year or so, I’ve had a worsening of my symptoms and specially very bad low back pain linked to my cycle which is an indicator of my endo in the POD adhering my uterus etc. We are early on in our TTC journey, but I’m thinking is it worth me just seeking out a gyno to get an internal ultrasound and seeing next steps already? Knowing I have these conditions and worsening symptoms… or would you just keep trying for a while? I’m thinking maybe I need a laparoscopy… I guess I’m just unsure if it’s best to wait or seek out more information/treatment.

I’ve never had a positive pregnancy test and my partner and I actually haven’t used protection for the last 10 years or so but weren’t actively trying until a few months ago.

Any advice or wisdom that could be offered will be so greatly appreciated.

33F and husband 35M.
Some background. My partner and I have been together 16 years, I’ve never been on birth control, we haven’t used condoms in probably 10 years and just the ‘pull out’ method with some laziness thrown in there too. When I was 24 years old I was diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis, at the time my doctors urged me to try for children immediately if that was our goal, but back then I was firmly childfree and didn’t think I wanted children. I have childhood trauma, and only after going no contact with my family a couple of years ago was I able to reassess my life and what I wanted for myself now that I am in my healing era. I’ve done a ton of therapy and I’m absolutely sure now I’d love nothing more than to have a little family with the person I’ve loved more than half my life!

We’re early in the officially trying journey, but no luck yet. And knowing my serious fertility issues I have this horrible gut feeling something’s very wrong. About 8 months ago I woke up at 3am with the worst pain I’ve ever felt on my left ovary side that I’m almost certain was a burst cyst. My partner wanted to call an ambulance but after a lifetime of endo and high pain tolerance I powered through it. I also get severe ovulation pain. Cycles are semi regular and I’ve been tracking ovulation for 3 months and I do get a peak (we time sex correctly). My doctor says try for 6 months before next steps which is ok. But it’s more the mental battle for me that I need help with overcoming. I have anxiety (and cptsd), so I have this thing where if I can’t visualise the end result or don’t know how something will go, I absolutely spiral and fixate on it. Do you have tips on how to get through this mental battle? Is it best if I try to completely park it mentally, try and zone out go through the motions and reassess at that 6 months mark. I have no idea how I’ll even be able to function at this point not knowing if it’s even ever possible.

I am finally at peace with my decision.

Not my narcissistic mother, enabler step father or emotionally immature father. No extended family to avoid more drama and theatrics from my mother.

Just me, my partner and his family + our friends. I know it’s going to be a little weird for his family when they realise I have no blood relatives there but I know this is the right decision for me.
My partner and I met when I was sixteen, and now sixteen years later we are finally getting married because I’ve been brave enough to not allow any of the people who traumatised me hold me back any longer.

It’s been a long road of guilt and deep sadness through this process, and my mother is very very angry about it. I spent months re-traumatising myself by dragging up my deepest darkest memories to justify why I want to make this decision. But now I feel peace and I’m excited to celebrate with people who really want the best for me 🥹

Myself (33F) and my partner are about to start trying for our first baby. For most of my life, I thought I didn’t want children, but 3 years ago I went NC with my NM and slowly I started to question everything I thought I knew about who I am. It’s been a long journey, and a lot of therapy, but I realised I had been childfree my entire life because I had been forced into a parental role for both of my parents, and that my childhood was so traumatic that I had no capacity to imagine that family life could be safe, loving and supportive. 

The other major issue was my mother’s obsession with me providing her with grandchildren. The strange part is, up until I was about 20, she put the fear of living god into me regarding teen pregnancy and did everything in her power to forbid me from having sex with my boyfriend. Fast forward to when I turned 21, and ‘operation make me have a baby’ began... when she and my step father first asked me over coffee what my plans were regarding children, I told them honestly that I didn’t think I wanted any, and well, that didn’t go down well. My mother quickly excused herself from the table, and my step father looked at me with the darkest hatred I've ever seen and said “How could you do that to your mother”. From that day forward, on every visit, I was berated about when I would have kids. They bought me a highchair when I was 24, they bought a house with a pool “for the grandkids” and reminded me every time I stepped foot in the door, they brought it up in front of family members, when I told my mother I had been diagnosed with endometriosis, she told me she knew the cure “you just need to have a baby” - and she never asked me about my diagnosis again. Even on my last visit with them, 3 years ago, they told me that it was so amazing that my cousin was pregnant with twins, because one day those twins would have their own children and make my cousin a grandmother. There is nothing more my mother wants from me that my potential children.

Now, I’m quite honestly terrified of what she will do if I do fall pregnant and she finds out. She will want this from me more than anything, and she’s quite a powerful woman when she wants to be. The peace I’ve managed to slowly and painstakingly carve out over the last 3 years will end, and I know she will come at me with everything she’s got. In some ways, it’s made me question if I even want to do this, but I can’t let her hold me back and affect my life in such a major way. 

Is it possible to keep your pregnancy hidden/offline/quiet? If you’ve been in this position, how did you handle it?