Feeling betrayed by my mother and unsure if I’m overreacting
My partner and I had our final failed transfer in March (one chemical and two failures to implant) after we could no longer afford to continue fertility treatment. The grief consumes me every single day. We were trying to be careful who we told but my biggest regret has been confiding in my mother who has spread the info to multiple people (she claims she was “trying to make me feel less alone” by getting the stories of struggles from others and then sharing their successes with me). Well we didn’t have success so now I’m stuck comparing myself to all the people who “overcame” infertility when I was never able to despite starting IVF at a relatively young age and having only a mild case of endometriosis. Well the final blow was last night when I was helping her with dishes in the kitchen after a birthday celebration. Her ex best friend (who she rarely ever sees) has a young daughter (age 22) who got pregnant at a rehab centre last year. She sobered up for the baby which is awesome but it’s still so hurtful to hear when others get pregnant so easily. Anyways, my mother has been talking a lot about how this girl will”never make it and probably go back to her addictions.” So last night she says to me “I wasn’t going to tell you this but I met with the ex best friend and her daughter and the new baby for coffee a couple weeks ago and bought her some onesies and a rattle and gave her some cash for the baby” I told her it’s more hurtful to me that she felt the need to hide it from me. My mom told the young girl that she could maybe use the money to buy diapers for the baby and she said “maybe I could use it to get my eyelashes done instead” my mom also told the girl that “her baby’s eyes look just like mine when I was born.” My jaw dropped. She knows I will never have a biological child to compare eyes and features to. I am beyond hurt and don’t know if it’s just because the wounds of IVF failing are fresh or if I have right to be angry. What would you do in this situation? Of course there are going to be babies born and even family members having babies that my mom will go visit but I feel this visit was completely unnecessary when my mom doesn’t really have anything to do with them anymore. When I asked why she felt obligated to bring the baby some presents she said it was because her ex friend gave her some cash a few years ago when my mom had back surgery. So she felt she owed them something.